9 August

The first thing you notice when you come to Kunming is neither the fresher air compared to Shanghai nor the climate of eternal spring that the city is famous for. In fact, the first thing you notice is the dragonflies. Literally thousands and thousands of the things, all of them bright yellow and 3 or 4 centimetres long. This time of year (I guess) is breeding season, meaning they're out in full-force, looking as if they're giving each other piggybacks, to put it euphemistically. You can't walk down the street without one buzzing a few inches from your face, and if you stand still for long enough then they'll come even closer. I found this out myself while I was looking at my map and was mistaken for a lady dragonfly. Yes, I was molested by a male dragonfly. I feel so violated. Of course, it would've been completely different were it a lady dragonfly...

Alas, it was not to be. I finally staggered home after finishing the beer and hit the sack at about 7ish, exhausted from what little sleep I had had on the train. Of course, the two bottles of Dali and the other beer I'd had beforehand at The Hump Bar didn't help to keep my eyes open either. For the "most happening bar in town," (once again, according to Frommers.com) The Hump struggled to live up to expectations. When I got there I was the only customer, except a lonely channel surfer, sitting in a darkened room around an empty bar. On a positive note though, I now know, (from such an esteemed publication as Shangri-la Magazine, no less) that "golf" in fact stands for "Green, Oxygen, Light and Foot." All those wasted years living in the west...I had truly missed out on the elusive wisdom of the Orient until that moment.

Today was pretty good. I rose earlyish (at 9ish...well, early for me) for a bath and then the complimentary western breakfast offered by the hotel. Who knew that greasy, undercooked lumps of (what I hazard a guess were) potatoes, served with cocktail wieners could taste so dreadful? I took one bite and almost decided to take to the Breatharian diet, swearing off food for good. After that fiasco I got on the bus to the Yunnan Minorities Village and, after a few false starts, arrived there around midday. Sure, it was a complete tourist trap, showing you around most of Yunnan's minority peoples in a short space of time, but it was a nice way to wile away a day. I took part in a few dances, almost breaking my ankles in a pole dance at one point (no, not that kind of pole dance...) I got quite chummy with some of the Wa minority too, who are apparently "black." Well, I guess compared to the Han, but then that's not really saying a whole lot. They were pretty cool and have invited themselves to stay with me next time they're in Shanghai. So, if you see me hangin' wit' my new posse, you'll know who they are.

The food, as expected, was dire in the extreme. I managed to force down some "ear noodles" for lunch (erkuai I think) so-called because they apparently look like a human ear. And, you know, for a square noodle that looks nothing at all like an ear, if you squinted and used your imagination, you could just about half-believe it. Or not. Either way, it had no flavour other than "hot" and had the texture of Polyfilla. For a quick dinner I had some "chicken bean cold noodles" (jidou liangfen) which, as I should have guessed, had neither chicken nor beans in them, seeming like standard slimy, cold noodles. I didn't finish either meal, needless to say.

What else did I get up to? For 2 RMB I rubbed a magic pot which made the water inside bubble and fizz. It's not quite Harry Potter, but not bad by my standards. I tried some overpriced and lukewarm Tibetan milk tea. On the whole I have mixed feelings about the park. Sure, it's obviously completely touristified, but that may be the only for some of these minorities to make it work in 21st century China, while preserving (albeit superficially) some of their own customs.

I reckon the people in Kunming are pretty nice on the whole, despite my being "waigui" (foreign devil) pretty much as soon as I stepped off the train (though it was probably more from the shock of seeing a foreigner than from actual malice) The shoe/DVD/watch sellers are a little less persistent, and the homeless kids seem a little less irritating. The crazies though...let's just say Kunming, with it's slithering whistle-blowing homeless dude, could kick Shanghai's ass any day. On the whole, the homeless population seem to be a little passive and laid-back than here in Shanghai. I've been on the receiving end of a lot more random "hello"s over here, which I'm slowly getting re-used to, though it's by no means a bad thing.

You can always tell a lot about a place by looking at the markets. In Shanghai it's mostly fake bags and watches being bought by those who want to look the part. In Kunming the stalls seem to have a worryingly large amount of crossbows, swords and nunchucks, which just goes to show something or other, though I'm sure I'd rather not know what. The nunchucks even come in fetching shades of yellow and pink, so you can explore your feminine side as you beat someone to a bloody pulp.