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Vika
Reacher
Joined: June 03, 2003
Posts: 233
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 27, 2003 - 09:00 PM |
 
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
Since Vika is a Chinese, she experienced different theory of making friends from western ways. Western ways of making friends are way too wide to approach new faces, but Chinese ways are just too narrow. Well, any one knows friends usually only mean school mates for Chinese students and it\'s hard to have a change... Well, we Chinese just can\'t grab some one (Chinese or foreigners) in the streets and say \" Hey, you look friendly. Want to make friends?\" ... People would tend to frown and stare and then we\'d be pissed off... haha...Maybe Vera does need to have a try... 
Things are, now after 20 years\' practising Chinese way of making friends, Vera gets tired of it and wants to know new faces out from school! And I believe that\'s what all other Chinese students (or non-students) thinking about. So, since here are boths locals and foreigners frequenting this site, maybe some of yous would love to meet up together and have some fun and just to make friends? I DO hope there will be agreements:)
So anyone who approval this idea(Chinese or foreigners), please post your post, and we\'ll see and arrange:)
Vera
[Editat el 27/8/2003 per Vika] |
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I am a creature of yesterday, living today, wish for tomorrow. |
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MTee
Newbie
Joined: Aug 25, 2003
Posts: 7
Status: Offline
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Aug 28, 2003 - 01:13 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
There is no such thing as Chinese or western way of making friends. It is a lot of craps. I would say that Asians including Chinese, Indian, etc are a bit reserved by nature. for girls they were told by their parents not to talk to stranger. But whether a person is friendly or reserved is his/her character not whether he is a British or Chinese.
Look at what you said.
Well, we Chinese just can\'t grab some one (Chinese or foreigners) in the streets and say \" Hey, you look friendly. Want to make friends?\" ... People would tend to frown and stare and then we\'d be pissed off...
No, nobody does that. Have you tried it? If u had, no wonder u failed. Even when someone approaches u and uses these lines, u yourself will be shocked and find it strange. Isn\'t it?
Why don\'t you try a subtle approach in starting a conversation. u may c results. Do u want to know how?
[Edited on 27/8/2003 by MTee] |
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Henry_Chinaski
Board Lord
Joined: Aug 16, 2003
Posts: 5025
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Aug 28, 2003 - 08:19 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
Hmm.
Don\'t be chained inside these glass castles of \'Chinese way of making friends\' or \'laowais ways of making friends\'. This is perhaps a wrong paradigm.... a wrong map to meet people and expand your circle of friends...
Perhaps you should try to approach someone on sthe street, who nows, but consider that they have their own paradigms too of not liking to be approached by someone on the street in an abrupt way....
Everyone is just like the Fapiao in a hot hot-pot restaurant: they have this tiny silver thing (forgive my english) that needs to be scratched before you reach the real person. If you don\'t scratch it, you will never know what lies below.
So, trick is to go gently, but try to get free from these restraining thoughts that only limit our lives...
rgds,
Chinaski |
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Vika
Reacher
Joined: June 03, 2003
Posts: 233
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 28, 2003 - 08:38 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
yeah...I agree with both of your views, but it\'s still a little bit difficult to behave out of the circle which was pointed for us Chinese...
anyway, Mtee, my \"grab someone in the streets and say hi\" saying is just mint up...i suppose it\'s like that...but yeah, u just mentioned a subtle way, so go on with it...
so IS THERE ANYONE INTERESTED IN MAKING FRIENDS?
hopefully some activity will be held if over 5 people say ok and then we\'ll decide next...
Vika fancies to be involved...
[Editat el 28/8/2003 per Vika] |
_________________
I am a creature of yesterday, living today, wish for tomorrow. |
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Vika
Reacher
Joined: June 03, 2003
Posts: 233
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 28, 2003 - 08:44 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
Vika believes people like Quasi or Rebekah would be interested, so why not make it something? It might be fun if the gang make it a picnic or DIY lunch on free days... |
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I am a creature of yesterday, living today, wish for tomorrow. |
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Vika
Reacher
Joined: June 03, 2003
Posts: 233
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 28, 2003 - 11:43 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
yeah cob that\'s exactly what i mean!!
am now thinking about establishing a more lively offline community more than coffee meeting(or we can promote coffee meeting or refresh its form a little bit)...maybe it\'s better we support some activities such as liberal arts show or picnic or DIY(do it yourself) food competition or gypsy parading down some streets with some funny slogan...since the cool autumn is soon coming, so people would love to move outdoors more often...anyway, i\'m just conceiving such an idea right now... dont know what u guys think about...
maybe we can consult Parker?:)
[Editat el 29/8/2003 per Vika] |
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I am a creature of yesterday, living today, wish for tomorrow. |
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Henry_Chinaski
Board Lord
Joined: Aug 16, 2003
Posts: 5025
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Aug 28, 2003 - 12:12 PM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
Yeah, less talk, more action!
Count Chinaski in.
Let\'s do it....
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Vika
Reacher
Joined: June 03, 2003
Posts: 233
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 28, 2003 - 07:30 PM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
yeah Chinaski, will count u in, but just no others say yes!! so you have any advice?
:casstet: guess nowadays people are sick of the normal way of MAKING FRIENDS.....christ!! :casstet: |
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I am a creature of yesterday, living today, wish for tomorrow. |
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MTee
Newbie
Joined: Aug 25, 2003
Posts: 7
Status: Offline
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Aug 29, 2003 - 01:53 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
Good suggestion! Sorry I am not in Shanghai at the moment. I am in Singapore. Maybe the next time, I will take up your offer.
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Henry_Chinaski
Board Lord
Joined: Aug 16, 2003
Posts: 5025
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Aug 29, 2003 - 07:43 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
Seems we need to start small then...Just waiting for other people until actually doing something yourself means losing control over what you could potentially do.... I\'m sure if you anounce something with a date and place, loads of people will show up....or not...the point is not how many people show up after all, but actually doing something in the direction you think you should be going....
Chinaski. |
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Vika
Reacher
Joined: June 03, 2003
Posts: 233
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 29, 2003 - 06:31 PM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
ok sounds rational!
decission made:
Activity: a DIY(do it yourself) picnic in a green park down town (sit in a circle)- any one who fancies this picnic will bring 1 self-made dish or pastry or anything that could eat! (if you just can\'t make any food but still want to join the group, you are welcome too) Sharing food would be nice. Later there will be an original story game - Some one will create a begining, then every one will pick up where the former teller leaves at....until the last one finishs the whole story! free imagination required. any idea will be welcome!
Time: i\'ll say 11 am, Sep 14 (the sec sunday of Sep) dont know will it be cooling down that day...
Venue: an open gree central park down town( will check for the proper one soon)
RULE: a handkerchief wrangled on the head as a symbol of a member of this group:P/
\"strange\" clothing is a must! if you ever dare to wear it in the presence of all people walking by!!!! hehe...
SO ANY ONE IS SHOWING UP??? MTee? Chinaski? anyone anyone else?? Babyellen? Dyniquee? anyone??
[Editat el 29/8/2003 per Vika]
[Editat el 29/8/2003 per Vika]
[Editat el 29/8/2003 per Vika]
[Editat el 29/8/2003 per Vika]
[Editat el 29/8/2003 per Vika] |
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I am a creature of yesterday, living today, wish for tomorrow. |
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MTee
Newbie
Joined: Aug 25, 2003
Posts: 7
Status: Offline
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Aug 30, 2003 - 03:00 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
Count me out. Maybe some other time. |
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Henry_Chinaski
Board Lord
Joined: Aug 16, 2003
Posts: 5025
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Aug 30, 2003 - 12:06 PM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
In principle, if time allows, count me in. However, think that in a first time meeting opting for a picnic not necessarily would be the best idea. I think would be nice as a second or third meeting, when people are a bit familiar with each other and now what to expect. Your idea is good but jumps some natural steps. Would suggest to have a plain bar meeting or something like that so everyone can familiarize with every one else before having a more intimate experience like the picnic. A bar approach would allow people less secure with the idea of a picnic (with no place to escape) to just wonder by, look how it is going and then deciding to join or not. The end goal is having the most people on isn\'t it? So, think we should start with something more standard. But count me in.
Leave up to you the suggestion on where to hold this, ranging from 10RMB Jim Bean shots in Jin An Si Windows to a trendy crowd in Face...or...?
Chinaski. |
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Vika
Reacher
Joined: June 03, 2003
Posts: 233
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Sep 02, 2003 - 04:51 PM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
efforts tried and tried, now i\'m desperate 
why it\'s so hard to make a group... i need to be more charismatic ...maybe a little bit alpha will do ... ???
so anyway, here\'s my last try:
Sep 14 (Sunday), ice cream gathering for whom enjoys good quality but cheap ice cream in a store in Xu Jiahui (my favorite ice cream store:))
more people, more fun. if any of you agrees with me and fancies young people, please come along!!
i know it\'s hard to organize well for everyone...(sigh)... if it failed this time again, i\'ll quit the dream of doing somthing about PR...ohohoh... and eventually bought myself a large tub of ice cream and enjoy it all by myself...................
Persistent Vera
[Editat el 2/9/2003 per Vika] |
_________________
I am a creature of yesterday, living today, wish for tomorrow. |
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Henry_Chinaski
Board Lord
Joined: Aug 16, 2003
Posts: 5025
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Sep 02, 2003 - 05:23 PM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
Count me in. What harm can an inoffensive ice-cream do...
Don\'t give up if people don\'t show up, these things normally start slowly. When you realize, we will have dozens of dudes having ice-cream in cold December....
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Vika
Reacher
Joined: June 03, 2003
Posts: 233
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Sep 02, 2003 - 05:42 PM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
haha! yeah! i\'m PERSISTENT as i signed it before my name:)
ICE CREAM in December is another super good idea!!! so guess i\'ll prepare for the ice cream stock now 
yes i\'ll count u in!
PV (Persistent Vera) |
_________________
I am a creature of yesterday, living today, wish for tomorrow. |
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Lee_High_2nd
Barker
Joined: Sep 01, 2003
Posts: 131
Status: Offline
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Sep 05, 2003 - 11:25 AM |
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| Post subject: Chinese theory of making friends -- time to have a change |
| Quote: |
Since Vika is a Chinese, she experienced different theory of making friends from western ways. Western ways of making friends are way too wide to approach new faces, but Chinese ways are just too narrow. Well, any one knows friends usually only mean school mates for Chinese students and it\'s hard to have a change... Well, we Chinese just can\'t grab some one (Chinese or foreigners) in the streets and say \" Hey, you look friendly. Want to make friends?\" ... People would tend to frown and stare and then we\'d be pissed off... haha...Maybe Vera does need to have a try...
Things are, now after 20 years\' practising Chinese way of making friends, Vera gets tired of it and wants to know new faces out from school! And I believe that\'s what all other Chinese students (or non-students) thinking about. So, since here are boths locals and foreigners frequenting this site, maybe some of yous would love to meet up together and have some fun and just to make friends? I DO hope there will be agreements:)
So anyone who approval this idea(Chinese or foreigners), please post your post, and we\'ll see and arrange:)Vera
[Editat el 27/8/2003 per Vika] |
yes, u can. i just made a very helpful friend in a bookstore. he was talking with a girl about learning english. i interjected, and we discussed many subjects such literature and philosophy for more than 2 hours. |
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