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wildstar
Reacher
Joined: May 15, 2005
Posts: 224
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
Aug 29, 2005 - 03:18 PM |
 
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| Post subject: Language and Love |
I'm curious, can two people who speak different languages actually have a meaningful relationship? I mean, these two people can get by with casual greetings, general mood descriptions, etc... but communicating abstract ideas, such as describing emotional senses, is far beyond their common language capability.
I've been around the Shanghai block a few times to know what's available. Getting meaningless sex is pretty easy here from what I can tell. But it seems more and more, the hope of finding a serious partner is pretty slim.
I've met so many beautiful girls I'd love to start something with, but I feel it's so unfair to both of us, if we can't find some emotional common ground and be able to share it...
So, is this possible? Or should my first qualification be fluency in english? I can study Chinese, but I'm sure I'll never as fluent as a local Chinese girl who has studied English since she was in grade school... (I've seriously considered never going out to meet anyone until I've developed at least a casual conversation level competency in Chinese).
So anyone have any relevant experience to share? |
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Jackie_blue
Newbie
Joined: Aug 26, 2005
Posts: 7
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 29, 2005 - 04:38 PM |
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I think somethime love is just a feeling. You needn't speak anyhing. By the way, Chinese is really different to learn. Find a local GF will help u a lot to study. |
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Benoist_Shanghai
Low Seater
Joined: May 18, 2003
Posts: 3057
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Aug 29, 2005 - 04:54 PM |
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Good point wildstar. No relevant experience to share, sorry.
And yeah, sure, love is a feeling..... sigh.
b. |
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zoecaca
Lurker
Joined: July 09, 2005
Posts: 24
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 29, 2005 - 04:56 PM |
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Don't worry too much. There are tons of good girls who can speak fluent English and should be willing to help you with your Chinese learning : ) |
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itv1980
Low Seater
Joined: Mar 05, 2004
Posts: 3355
Location: Revalidation centre
Status: Offline
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Aug 29, 2005 - 06:01 PM |
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Well I do speak Chinese fluent as well, but finding a good partner in Shanghai is possible but the possibilities are soo slim. I beliefed I found my better half and she just dropped me like a brick after 4 years being together. She completely changed from the person I knew into a cold hearted person and suddenly no matter what I did was wrong.
Even discussing didn't help and somethimes there are good stories of mixed couples and I know several too, unfortunately for me I have to find my happy ending still |
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Magnolia
Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31091
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Aug 29, 2005 - 07:28 PM |
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was thinking about this very thing the other day, especially if both people commnicate in a language other than their native language.
think it can work. it may just take more patience when trying to explain certain things. |
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MichaelT
Raver
Joined: Mar 15, 2005
Posts: 416
Location: Silicon Valley - > Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 29, 2005 - 07:39 PM |
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I really think language is the last thing you have to worry about. People can learn languages faster then they think, and with motivation like communicating with someone you love is even faster.
The distance you feel with everyone is not language but culture which has a lot to do with how you were raised as a child. AKA is next to impossible to change. |
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knockknock_ca
PopStar
Joined: Nov 27, 2003
Posts: 1069
Status: Offline
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Aug 29, 2005 - 08:24 PM |
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| itv1980 wrote: |
Well I do speak Chinese fluent as well, but finding a good partner in Shanghai is possible but the possibilities are soo slim. I beliefed I found my better half and she just dropped me like a brick after 4 years being together. She completely changed from the person I knew into a cold hearted person and suddenly no matter what I did was wrong.
Even discussing didn't help and somethimes there are good stories of mixed couples and I know several too, unfortunately for me I have to find my happy ending still |
sorry to know that!  |
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coffeelox
Talker
Joined: Aug 23, 2005
Posts: 109
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 29, 2005 - 09:12 PM |
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| itv1980 wrote: |
Well I do speak Chinese fluent as well, but finding a good partner in Shanghai is possible but the possibilities are soo slim. I beliefed I found my better half and she just dropped me like a brick after 4 years being together. She completely changed from the person I knew into a cold hearted person and suddenly no matter what I did was wrong.
Even discussing didn't help and somethimes there are good stories of mixed couples and I know several too, unfortunately for me I have to find my happy ending still |
...hug... |
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WonderfulWorld
Raver
Joined: Feb 18, 2005
Posts: 380
Location: Xanghai, Xina
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Aug 30, 2005 - 01:22 AM |
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I know Chinese / Russian couples in NE China of which the husband and wife don't even have a common language or lingua franca. And most of the marriage survive pretty well. I don't know how happy they are though. |
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wildstar
Reacher
Joined: May 15, 2005
Posts: 224
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 30, 2005 - 02:09 AM |
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I guess my main issue is that when I meet a girl I'm attracted to, the first thing I want to establish is that there's some mutual feeling between us. I've always depended on my personality to get things going, and I guess I feel a little helpless when I can't be myself in entirety.
And how do you take the relationship to the next level beyond purely physical or material? I mean, **** happens... people get ugly, lose their jobs, etc... how do you build a bond that can span for all the years without a common language? I don't ever want to feel like someone is with me only because I make a good security blanket because that could change in an instant. Also, without good communication, I feel like I won't ever believe such a wonderful and attractive girl could want me for any other reason other than that I am a foreigner with good earning potential.
*sigh* |
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wildstar
Reacher
Joined: May 15, 2005
Posts: 224
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 30, 2005 - 03:18 AM |
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Oh, just to express another opinion, I'm not lamenting this situation selfishly... I honestly hope every girl can find a man that makes every heartbeat more meaningful... it would kill me to know a girl is with me for any other reason than love because that means she will never be totally happy with me... a situation I would never want to impose on anyone, no matter how much it might hurt me to say goodbye. |
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zazure
Lurker
Joined: Aug 07, 2005
Posts: 22
Status: Offline
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Aug 30, 2005 - 04:53 AM |
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| wildstar wrote: |
I guess my main issue is that when I meet a girl I'm attracted to, the first thing I want to establish is that there's some mutual feeling between us. I've always depended on my personality to get things going, and I guess I feel a little helpless when I can't be myself in entirety.
And how do you take the relationship to the next level beyond purely physical or material? I mean, **** happens... people get ugly, lose their jobs, etc... how do you build a bond that can span for all the years without a common language? I don't ever want to feel like someone is with me only because I make a good security blanket because that could change in an instant. Also, without good communication, I feel like I won't ever believe such a wonderful and attractive girl could want me for any other reason other than that I am a foreigner with good earning potential.
*sigh* |
I knew a couple mixed by Belgian and Korean.They got married and settled in Hongkong 8 years ago.They said they always got into fights.At that time they would try to use their lover's mother tongue to understand each other.They also used English and Chinese to express their thoughts.I think what keeps this couple for such a long time is not for they can speak French and Korean but for they both tried to walk into another's shoes by heart.
At first,love is just feelings.The feelings will help you to learn how to understand each other.Don't you think the course will be interesting and amazing that you pick up Chinese and your girl friend masters English through your love.I believe you can go closer if you just leave it to your feelings.Don't think too much about languages or anything else that would be obstacles.[personal opinions given by a Chinese little girl.haha ^_^] |
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DeeLphiC
Low Seater
Joined: Mar 11, 2005
Posts: 3333
Status: Offline
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Aug 30, 2005 - 05:13 AM |
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Just let the hearts do the talk.
All human hearts speak one and the same language.
When your heart is there, everything else follows. |
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DeeLphiC
Low Seater
Joined: Mar 11, 2005
Posts: 3333
Status: Offline
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Aug 30, 2005 - 05:23 AM |
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sometimes we need to talk ... talk about life talk about love talk about ourselves.
most of time we LIVE the life, SHOW our love, LEARN how to live better, love better, FEEL joy and pain, SHARE tears and laughter, and GO through together all the up-and-downs.
commitment and devotion need words the least. |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10385
Location: Shanghai
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Aug 30, 2005 - 10:01 AM |
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| Post subject: Re: Language and Love |
| Quote: |
| I'm curious, can two people who speak different languages actually have a meaningful relationship? |
impossible is possible !
I believe people who speak different languages actually will have a meaningful relationship with themselves in thier futures. |
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功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/ |
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zoecaca
Lurker
Joined: July 09, 2005
Posts: 24
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 30, 2005 - 11:15 AM |
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| itv1980 wrote: |
Well I do speak Chinese fluent as well, but finding a good partner in Shanghai is possible but the possibilities are soo slim. I beliefed I found my better half and she just dropped me like a brick after 4 years being together. She completely changed from the person I knew into a cold hearted person and suddenly no matter what I did was wrong.
Even discussing didn't help and somethimes there are good stories of mixed couples and I know several too, unfortunately for me I have to find my happy ending still |
love is hard. You tried to open your heart, throw away all of your doubts, be true and devote the whole of you into the relationship. suddenly, the guy who was holding your hand, asking you to look at the bright future just said he is going to leave. You were told that you did nothing wrong, while he is going to go the hell for abandon you.
You talk, you cry, trying to do communication. But acctually, WORDS can do nothing, since the guy closed the way to his heart. Mr. Cui said, LANGUAGE IS TOTALLY AN OBSTACLE.
So, there should not be any worry about the different languages between two people. Everything will be fine, as long as both of you willing to open your heart. |
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MichaelT
Raver
Joined: Mar 15, 2005
Posts: 416
Location: Silicon Valley - > Shanghai
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
Aug 30, 2005 - 11:27 AM |
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| Post subject: Re: Language and Love |
| Nathalie25 wrote: |
| Quote: |
| I'm curious, can two people who speak different languages actually have a meaningful relationship? |
impossible is possible !
I believe people who speak different languages actually will have a meaningful relationship with themselves in thier futures. |
WTF??? Everyone should have a meaningful relationship with themselves?? |
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itv1980
Low Seater
Joined: Mar 05, 2004
Posts: 3355
Location: Revalidation centre
Status: Offline
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Aug 30, 2005 - 06:01 PM |
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Well at least you'll never get dumbed by yourself, or your alter hero identity might cause trouble, if you interfere with his wall smashing  |
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uglyamerican
Barker
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 153
Status: Offline
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Aug 31, 2005 - 12:20 AM |
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Depends on your interpretation of "meaningful relation".
In my world, for sure. |
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"Let's give'em a fair trial followed by a fast hanging" Judge Roy Bean |
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seirene
Talker
Joined: July 05, 2004
Posts: 75
Status: Offline
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Aug 31, 2005 - 01:16 AM |
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language is very important in any kinda relationship
BUT when it comes to love, the spark and the chemistry that you feel speaks it all. love like, D said, is a universal language that touches your heart, bonds two hearts as one and in silence, two souls speak in that invincible language.
as time goes by, the love develops and the urge of sharing with each other will make language learning easier than you ever thought of.
the way i see it, wildstar, you are too concerned about many aspects before you fall in love. when you meet someone, just let it flow and if it is love, and if she is the one, love will take its course.
Good Luck! |
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itv1980
Low Seater
Joined: Mar 05, 2004
Posts: 3355
Location: Revalidation centre
Status: Offline
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Aug 31, 2005 - 04:56 PM |
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Or your run head on into a brick wall either way love on its course or off course it hurts both ways |
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benyu2004
Barker
Joined: June 29, 2004
Posts: 169
Status: Offline
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Aug 31, 2005 - 10:09 PM |
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language is one thing, culture is the other. The latter one is considered harder one |
_________________
What I ask for the negro is not benevolence, not pity, not sympathy, but simply justice---Frederick Douglass |
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seirene
Talker
Joined: July 05, 2004
Posts: 75
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2005 - 04:11 PM |
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yup! agreed! culture is more difficult to deal with.. it somehow relates to the character.. |
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Cute_Cut
Squeeker
Joined: Sep 03, 2005
Posts: 11
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2005 - 06:09 PM |
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second that too.
that is why people need to look search yet pray to get the right one. |
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