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Leo_Br
Squeeker
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Posts: 12
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
Mar 14, 2008 - 04:46 PM |
 
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Do you mean they bar you from the house? |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Mar 14, 2008 - 04:49 PM |
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I'm just not welcome.
I came once, had supper and left. That's it. |
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BONNIE
Fire-eater
Joined: June 17, 2005
Posts: 2539
Location: Amsterdam/Shanghai
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Mar 14, 2008 - 04:52 PM |
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So you don't live with them ? What is the story ? |
_________________
It is what it is... |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Mar 14, 2008 - 04:54 PM |
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Read the thread.
I have never lived with them. |
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Leo_Br
Squeeker
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Posts: 12
Status: Offline
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Mar 14, 2008 - 04:59 PM |
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They even dined you. If that was not a reconciliatroy gesture, what counts? |
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BONNIE
Fire-eater
Joined: June 17, 2005
Posts: 2539
Location: Amsterdam/Shanghai
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Mar 14, 2008 - 05:08 PM |
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Read the title of your topic |
_________________
It is what it is... |
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BONNIE
Fire-eater
Joined: June 17, 2005
Posts: 2539
Location: Amsterdam/Shanghai
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Mar 14, 2008 - 05:13 PM |
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okay - sorry dude I read the whole thing again - must be brain dead today. |
_________________
It is what it is... |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Mar 14, 2008 - 05:18 PM |
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Before the meal, they had yelled at my girlfriend for bringing me there. They basically, in Mandarin, said GTFO and back to Canada. Having me stay for supper was just so that they could try politely to say GTFO and back to Canada. After the meal they began yelling again and did the whole GTFO and back to Canada thing. We then GTFO and returned to our apartment.
Since then ( a year ago ) I haven't went back there. |
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seabreeze98
Talker
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Posts: 124
Location: How do you work the GPS?
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Mar 14, 2008 - 06:08 PM |
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| woaihuan wrote: |
This way, though, we'll be closer to her office... have to get myself an LPG now. |
What's the LPG? Autogas?
Curious about how the wifey looks like. |
_________________
“It’s a totally different world, and it’s an expensive world,” Lever, the sociologist, said. “You can’t go around being a little princess on the pedestal.” |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Mar 14, 2008 - 06:13 PM |
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LPG is propane.
No pictures for you. |
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swisscook
Ranter
Joined: Aug 27, 2007
Posts: 555
Status: Offline
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Mar 14, 2008 - 09:44 PM |
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Ah well, Jing An isn't that bad of an area. If you are still looking to improve the relation ship with your In laws I'd say you take it slowly. Ask your wife what her parents like, get her to visit her parents a few times and make some PR for you. After a while once you settled in in your new place maybe you guys can meet at a restaurant on neutral ground over one of the upcoming holidays. You'lll try to make conversation over the thinks you know they like to show them you try to understand them. If you meet on neutral ground I guess there neighbours won't know and maybe they feel a bit at ease. Or maybe you go pick your wife up after a visit at her parents place and just say hi quickly and maybe gradually increase time spent with them. I think everybody got tense with the aspect of you moving in and the whole tradition in her family. Breaking this is not easy for your wife and her parents. So I guess ( that's a given, I know ) you should make sure you take extra care of your wife to show her how you appreciate her doing so. And I am sure over time it will work out with the inlaws. Took me 6 years to start talking to my folsk without screaming |
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Leo_Br
Squeeker
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Posts: 12
Status: Offline
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Mar 15, 2008 - 11:20 AM |
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| woaihuan wrote: |
Before the meal, they had yelled at my girlfriend for bringing me there. They basically, in Mandarin, said GTFO and back to Canada. Having me stay for supper was just so that they could try politely to say GTFO and back to Canada. After the meal they began yelling again and did the whole GTFO and back to Canada thing. We then GTFO and returned to our apartment.
Since then ( a year ago ) I haven't went back there. |
From what you described here, it seems that they were basically angry with their own daughter. A 24-year-old daughter marrying a 16/17-year highschool student is not a very frequent situation for average Chinese in-laws, so I think you should show some patience for them to get over it. And I believe before you reach 20, they won't stop yelling such things. By the way, yelling is a quite normal thing in Chinese family. If they really hate you, they will directly hit in your face or bar you from the house or announce cutting off from both of you, which are normal practices when the parents really have an issue with the son-in-law, not yelling. I don't know if you explained to them what correspondence course was. Even if you explained to them, I don't think they will have much faith in it. I think that might be the reason why they told you GTFO and back to Canada - they think your stay in China held you back from normal schooling and would consequently ruin your future, which in turn would have serious impact on the marriage and their daughter and you and, in the end, themselves. |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Mar 15, 2008 - 11:29 AM |
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| Leo_Br wrote: |
| I think that might be the reason why they told you GTFO and back to Canada - they think your stay in China held you back from normal schooling and would consequently ruin your future, which in turn would have serious impact on the marriage and their daughter and you and, in the end, themselves. |
You're right up until this part.
What they're most worried about now is that when I turn 18 or so that I will GTFO and back to Canada, oddly. They don't trust the paper marriage is written on, and they are trying to convince my girlfriend that I will leave her after I am 18. |
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Leo_Br
Squeeker
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Posts: 12
Status: Offline
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Mar 15, 2008 - 11:53 AM |
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Actually I also have a problem with this part - what will you do when you are 18? Will you go to the college? If you do, will you choose a Canadian one or a Chinese one? If Canadian one, what will Huan do? Follow you to Canada? |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Mar 15, 2008 - 12:49 PM |
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Regardless, she'll come with me. Anything else is irrelevant. |
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Shanghai'd Sean
Squeeker
Joined: Jan 28, 2008
Posts: 17
Status: Offline
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Mar 15, 2008 - 01:29 PM |
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Hmmm... tough situation, but the fact that you are here looking for help means it's something you want to overcome; keep the same attitude at home and (hopefully) they'll recognize your efforts and come to accept/respect/welcome you. "Ganbatte!" ("don't give up!") as they say in Japan.
...regarding the money... considering though that they (the parents) have a house in a nicer area, car, motocycles... yet mom is taking 1/2 of her daughter's salary... wow... that would irk me to no end on one hand... but on the other, perhaps that is a common/cultural tradition in some areas (?), or a previous arrangement (eg, they paid her way to school?); if their daughter accepts it, you have no choice but to. When in Rome... |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Mar 15, 2008 - 01:36 PM |
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Do you know where Nanhui is? |
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Shanghai'd Sean
Squeeker
Joined: Jan 28, 2008
Posts: 17
Status: Offline
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Mar 15, 2008 - 02:17 PM |
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Ooops - I just realized I have only read the first page so far - this thread goes on for pages... |
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lilypink
Reacher
Joined: June 10, 2007
Posts: 280
Status: Offline
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Mar 15, 2008 - 02:52 PM |
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Adnimistrator
Rocker
Joined: July 20, 2007
Posts: 787
Status: Offline
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Mar 16, 2008 - 07:45 PM |
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| BONNIE wrote: |
| must be brain dead today. |
Hmm...not only today, no... |
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beautybeast
Seeker
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Posts: 59
Status: Offline
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Apr 10, 2008 - 04:44 PM |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Apr 10, 2008 - 04:49 PM |
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I live with them now. They are nice. They want me to call them mama and baba.
Please kill me. |
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maneo
LoopKicker
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: 857
Location: neither here nor there
Status: Offline
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Apr 26, 2008 - 02:18 PM |
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Finish your schooling and get a decent job so you can promote them to grandparents. Then they'll really love you. |
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woaihuan
StreetBeater
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 2462
Status: Offline
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Apr 26, 2008 - 08:16 PM |
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maneo
LoopKicker
Joined: May 12, 2007
Posts: 857
Location: neither here nor there
Status: Offline
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Apr 26, 2008 - 10:12 PM |
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Is that "Plan two?" or [you] plan to, you think? |
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