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familyman
Newbie
Joined: June 21, 2008
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
June 21, 2008 - 11:10 PM |
 
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| Post subject: Older Fathers |
Here is a completely non-Shanghai related question but I will ask anyway as I live here. I'm the father of a great 2 year old boy and he was born when I was 42. Not the youngest father but not quite past it either. Given the choice I would prefer to have 10 kids but that may be a little ambitious! However if I did have another kid I am aware that as they grew up I would be getting pretty old myself and wouldn't like to embarass my kids by being this old guy in the corner.
So my question is what is the best choice:
1. To stick with the one kid with the drawback that he would be an only child, or
2. To try to have another so that my son has a brother or sister but with the drawback that their father would be getting on a bit in years as I wold be 45+ by the tme the second one turned up.
My wife is 12 years younger than me by the way.
What's best for the kid(s)? |
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karlmalone
Seeker
Joined: May 22, 2006
Posts: 52
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 01:56 AM |
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Best for the kids is to give him another sister,if you could choose.  |
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p1atl10
Board Royalty
Joined: Mar 18, 2005
Posts: 6330
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 07:07 AM |
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What does your wife think? |
_________________
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.....Dave Barry |
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sbergman
Veejay
Joined: Sep 12, 2007
Posts: 2168
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 09:26 AM |
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If the wife's amenable (and if when you die she'll be left financially secure) have another kid or three or four. Precisely because you're older it would be good for your child to have siblings. One, they won't need to depend on you to get a game of basketball going. Two, when you do reach that stage of needing their help they'll have each other to lean on. Three, one child won't be left with the immense responsibility of taking care of mom's emotional needs when you go. Besides, you're not that old. I have a friend who had twins at 59. Granted he always looks exhausted and like a grandpa - but grandpas are good. |
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GirlatWork
Raver
Joined: Feb 14, 2006
Posts: 471
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June 22, 2008 - 09:54 AM |
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It very very common to have babies in their forties especially for men. What's the fuss. Go and have at least the second one, a girl if you are super lucky. Girls are angels
It really is up to you and your wife. |
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leidelaohu
Wonder Wit
Joined: June 11, 2007
Posts: 3792
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June 22, 2008 - 10:16 AM |
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Personally, I would not do it. My dad died young when my younger sisters were very small. They have emotional problems to this day which could be traced back to being deprived of a father. |
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Batavia
Rocker
Joined: Sep 15, 2006
Posts: 610
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June 22, 2008 - 10:22 AM |
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I have my second son when I am 45. With my hair starting to turn grey, alot of people ask if the baby is my grandson. Well kind of sad, but I enjoy having the baby.
Yes, you should have another. |
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Beartrap
Barker
Joined: Jan 28, 2008
Posts: 152
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June 22, 2008 - 10:26 AM |
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Well if they are brought up well it shouldnt be a problem. Your new born will be 20 and you ll be 64. I think there is enough time to build a solid foundation within 20 years. Common the guy is still decently young. Not the end of the world mate. Go for it! My son is the joy of my life like I am sure he is yours so make him happy and get him a brother or sister. |
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www.barbecue-king.com Sizzling Hot BBQ Grills! |
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sbergman
Veejay
Joined: Sep 12, 2007
Posts: 2168
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 10:39 AM |
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| Personally, I would not do it. My dad died young when my younger sisters were very small. They have emotional problems to this day which could be traced back to being deprived of a father. |
My dad died young. Didn't matter that he'd had me when he was still relatively young. My grandfather was still going strong at 80 which would get famliyman's kids well into their 30s before he might kick. There are no guarantees. I say go for it. |
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familyman
Newbie
Joined: June 21, 2008
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 11:15 AM |
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| p1atl10 wrote: |
| What does your wife think? |
She would be happy either way. If pressed though she would prefer another one. |
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familyman
Newbie
Joined: June 21, 2008
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 11:23 AM |
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| sbergman wrote: |
| If the wife's amenable (and if when you die she'll be left financially secure) have another kid or three or four. Precisely because you're older it would be good for your child to have siblings. One, they won't need to depend on you to get a game of basketball going. Two, when you do reach that stage of needing their help they'll have each other to lean on. Three, one child won't be left with the immense responsibility of taking care of mom's emotional needs when you go. Besides, you're not that old. I have a friend who had twins at 59. Granted he always looks exhausted and like a grandpa - but grandpas are good. |
I tend to agree with you although I understand Leidelaohu's point as well. I think I will also be good for a few games of basketball for a while though! I'm still a very keen sportsman and pretty fit for my age I hope. |
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leidelaohu
Wonder Wit
Joined: June 11, 2007
Posts: 3792
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 11:30 AM |
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| familyman wrote: |
| ... although I understand Leidelaohu's point as well. |
Don't mean to tell you what to do, just bringing up another factor to consider. |
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Ah Beng
Reacher
Joined: May 14, 2008
Posts: 373
Location: Shanghai Paradise
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 01:27 PM |
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You prefer 10 kids..why stop at 1?
Age shouldn't play a major factor for you unless you're too old to make babies..erhrm..have sex! |
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Dean
Seeker
Joined: July 04, 2003
Posts: 45
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 02:10 PM |
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Don't feel so alone Mr Familyman. Basically I am in the same situation. I am 43 and my wife is 38. We had our first last year. Mindful that the clock is ticking, my wife and I are hoping to have another by next summer. Our reasoning is that we both feel that it is important to leave our son with siblings after we are gone. And if our children will be embarrassed by having older parents, then that will be a sure sign that we had not taught them what is/isn't important in life.
I also agree that there is some valid point to Leidelaohu's comments. However there is no guarantee that any of us will be around to finish fulfilling our parental duties - regardless of how old we are when we start our family. |
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leidelaohu
Wonder Wit
Joined: June 11, 2007
Posts: 3792
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 02:17 PM |
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| Dean wrote: |
| ...if our children will be embarrassed by having older parents ... |
At some point, your children will be embarrassed by having any parents  |
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Dean
Seeker
Joined: July 04, 2003
Posts: 45
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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June 22, 2008 - 02:19 PM |
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chingiskhan
StreetBeater
Joined: Apr 24, 2007
Posts: 2247
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
June 22, 2008 - 02:34 PM |
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| leidelaohu wrote: |
| Personally, I would not do it. My dad died young when my younger sisters were very small. They have emotional problems to this day which could be traced back to being deprived of a father. |
I don't see anything wrong with having kids in your 40s. He's only 42 years old. He has at least 25 years more life expectancy, it is not like he's going to die when they're 3 years old!
I think it might be an issue if he was 80. |
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familyman
Newbie
Joined: June 21, 2008
Posts: 4
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
June 22, 2008 - 03:22 PM |
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| leidelaohu wrote: |
| Dean wrote: |
| ...if our children will be embarrassed by having older parents ... |
At some point, your children will be embarrassed by having any parents |
Can't argue with that... |
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siv
Lurker
Joined: Apr 14, 2008
Posts: 39
Status: Offline
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June 25, 2008 - 04:51 PM |
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My husband was 53 when we have our first daughter. I'm now pregnant with the second, by the time this one is born, he'll be 55. Supposedly medical breakthrough, lifestyle are now better we hope to have at least another 20 years together. His father is probably 80 or close to 80 right now, he can still run! very agile, fast talker, great memory.
I'd say go for it, siblings are best friends. For some reason I also think it's good to have brothers/sisters, it teaches them to compromise. |
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MoonOverMiami
Raver
Joined: Jan 07, 2008
Posts: 462
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June 25, 2008 - 06:02 PM |
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Have another one or two. My niece is an only child and she is lonely because my sister and her hubby are always working. They got a dog for her but she's scared to death of it (labrador-chow mix). Bet she would love to have a brother or sister to play around with.
But then again, my nephews (on my other sister's side) are driving each other crazy. |
_________________
"One who falls asleep with an itchy backside, will wake up with smelly fingers..." |
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conniechong
Reacher
Joined: May 30, 2005
Posts: 288
Status: Offline
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June 25, 2008 - 06:43 PM |
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i have 7 siblings. good old memories... almost got our house torn down
44 is not old at all, mate. live a healthy lifestyle is most important. |
_________________
Be fear for you can see darkness and catch wind by bare hand |
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