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Shanghai Expat Forum Index » Hot Topics Forums » Dating Singles, and Relationships

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SnappySammy

Board Legend

Joined: Nov 01, 2007
Posts: 10220

Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 04, 2008 - 09:40 PM

The men in the White Coats are coming

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Yank My Doodle It's A Dandy

rayne
Reacher
Reacher

Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 237

Posted: Aug 05, 2008 - 09:40 AM

Am I spending too much time on the forum? The last post by natalie25 did actually make sense. Or rather, I could decipher it. Shocked

kamote wrote:

my brain is so slow today and i hit a wall... thanks nat.
the asylum awaits me.

ChicoStateDisciple

Reacher

Joined: Jan 16, 2008
Posts: 359
Location: 3:17 AM
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 07, 2008 - 12:41 AM

Now I have never cheated. But this bugs me.

Why does a man who sleeps with many women have to change to get a woman to love him?

And when the woman has a trait the man does not like he must be more accepting?

Why can't the woman be accepting of this male trait?

Feel free to switch male and female around.

I am not looking for a reason to start cheating. It is just that this bugs me.

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Conceived in London, Born in Germany and 100% American from Day 1

SnappySammy

Board Legend

Joined: Nov 01, 2007
Posts: 10220

Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 07, 2008 - 01:44 AM

freedelia wrote:

Most of the time, people cheat because they are not getting something in the relationship they are in. Not talking about those people who don't give a **** about their relationship and cheat on their partners all the time. I think even good people can cheat or at least come close to it. Easy -- you have one need that is not fulfilled in your relationship, then someone else comes n and fulfills it and then you get closer and closer to that person until there is a point when you face a decision -- cheat or not cheat. And it is going to hurt either way.

Now, if your partner comes back and says "I screwed up, please forgive me" it means that he DOES love you and he wants to get your relationship back on track so that both your needs are fulfilled and you are both happy.

And since you wanted answers, YES i would forgive my husband if he cheated. Of course, I would prefer not to know about it, but if i did find out, if he said he wanted to work things out and i would see he is really committed, I would forgive him and would try hard to work on our relationship -- but i think making a relationship work again once it does not work (regardless if there is cheating involved) is not easy.

Lucky husband.....

hopin.ma

Lurker

Joined: May 29, 2008
Posts: 24

Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 11, 2008 - 11:38 PM

I had a relationship with a man, who I completely adored, he was the most amazing guy I have ever been with, and we were just drawn together. He did cheat on me while he was gone for 9months at school and yes we did split. I am with another great guy but I will always love him for the way he treated me and the way our life clicks together.

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Acid Reflux

Andreas
Board Royalty

Joined: Feb 27, 2004
Posts: 6439
Location: 31 N 121 E

Posted: Aug 12, 2008 - 12:28 AM

Nathalie25 wrote:

Quote:

You can love your partner and still cheat. Sometimes, the infidelity isn't a betrayal of your heart, but rather the pursuit of something unemotional.

But...black in white in my book as far as breaking up. If I cheat and my partner finds out, I wouldn't argue against a break-up. I would do the same if I caught my partner cheating.

but before you promise your woman about what you will never do to hurt your woman or your wife, please don't just think all humans should promise you for honesty in here, cause when you can do nothing for being trustful to love your woman or your wife personally in life, then you just like a jet that always lacks of your control for being stably to operate in its Cockpit and you know if you never can keep your promise in love, then no one can keep her promise for you in your selfish life style ~~~~~~~~~

Crystal clear as ever. Over~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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If it has tits, tires, or a transom, there's gonna be issues!

SnappySammy

Board Legend

Joined: Nov 01, 2007
Posts: 10220

Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 12, 2008 - 09:43 PM

Now it's time for yu to go into Politics

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Yank My Doodle It's A Dandy

chang9562

Squeeker

Joined: Aug 19, 2008
Posts: 16
Location: Shanghai China
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 21, 2008 - 05:34 PM

if i was the cheater i wouldn't even forgive myself. But if she was the cheater i would def not forgive her. i dont know why maybe its a guy thing.

amimi

Reacher

Joined: Sep 08, 2007
Posts: 249
Location: Bloody SH
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 22, 2008 - 08:32 AM

I had been cheated by my ex few times with diff gals...opppsss...but so far I seem to be the only 1 if he ever has problem and will quickly contact / come back to me...

oppssss...

So i eventually told my ex that only if he makes himself emotionally ready.. then he shall come back to me and we then start to be serious again... Otherwise...I keep seeing other guys whilst seeing him...

So in this case, there is NOTHING about cheating...coz a purely open relationship there.

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Finally B A C K? huh? Postcard...Mug...Versace T-shirt...Cross with Jesus...Opppssss~

Nathalie25
Board Legend

Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai

Posted: Aug 22, 2008 - 11:53 AM

Quote:

So i eventually told my ex that only if he makes himself emotionally ready.. then he shall come back to me and we then start to be serious again... Otherwise...I keep seeing other guys whilst seeing him...

So in this case, there is NOTHING about cheating...coz a purely open relationship there

I disagree with you, even I have another 3 years' freedom that I will experience it in life.

I have one brain that I need to run it for thinking or planning or even deciding all issues for myself now, I don't wanna use my left brain to against myself when my right brain do it correctly in proceed, so I am still a chinese when I post my comments in some Foreign website~~

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功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/

Wombat

Lurker

Joined: July 30, 2008
Posts: 20
Location: Puxi
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 23, 2008 - 06:57 PM

I my the only person confused by this or what??

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ma...ate

Mr Totomolo

Rocker

Joined: June 21, 2008
Posts: 709
Location: Shanghai & Taipei
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 23, 2008 - 07:13 PM

Quote:

I my the only person confused by this or what??

Yes most probably...because you are new.
it's not that we get clearer than you...maybe we just got used to...
But we would definitely miss it, if it weren't here...
Welcome to the Party.... party

liquid_f0rc3

Barker

Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 179
Location: The Getaway
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 25, 2008 - 12:18 AM

i've cheated a couple of times :s... most of the times there was alcohol involved (i know that isnt an excuse) and each time i tried to keep it a secret at first - but i felt really bad about myself and always confessed after a few weeks. i cant say i've really "loved" any of the guys i've cheated on, even though i'd like to but that would lead me into this maze of thoughts about what love is and i dont even want to start thinking about that:P i totally understood why i was being dumped afterwards... i've never had a guy cheat on me though so i dont know how i'd react if that happens. probally i'd get really pissed and not talk to him for a few days (tops) and then apologize (because i cant stay mad at people for long).

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xo marisa || rage and love-the story of my life... the jesus of suburbia is a lie!

still_here

Reacher

Joined: May 29, 2007
Posts: 370
Location: Century Park Area
Status: Online!

Posted: Aug 25, 2008 - 11:07 AM

liquid_f0rc3 wrote:

Nice reply but the highlighted line is real amusing. Do you really believe that?

liquid_f0rc3

Barker

Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 179
Location: The Getaway
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 25, 2008 - 07:52 PM

lol, no actually i dont, but i never found out and i'd really rather not know lol. if he'd have told me i probally would have flipped. (or maybe i'd just have cried and said its alright a few days later, apologizing even though i didnt do anything). i got dumped for no reason today btw. well i;m sure there was a reason but it wasnt a serious relationship nwayz and he just gave me this stupid look:
him-we have to talk... i think it would be better if we stop seing each other
me- *grinning stupidly as always* mhh... yah ok:P bye!

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xo marisa || rage and love-the story of my life... the jesus of suburbia is a lie!

still_here

Reacher

Joined: May 29, 2007
Posts: 370
Location: Century Park Area
Status: Online!

Posted: Aug 25, 2008 - 08:07 PM

liquid_f0rc3 wrote:

him-we have to talk... i think it would be better if we stop seing each other
me- *grinning stupidly as always* mhh... yah ok:P bye!

ur reply has made me fall deeeeeeeply in love with u Wink

sorry 2 hear about the break up.

liquid_f0rc3

Barker

Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 179
Location: The Getaway
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 25, 2008 - 09:13 PM

its ok lol, it was bound to happen and i'm just glad he did it:P but back to topic: i didnt cheat on him hehe

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xo marisa || rage and love-the story of my life... the jesus of suburbia is a lie!

Ponzonia

Barker

Joined: June 24, 2008
Posts: 197
Location: el mundo
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 25, 2008 - 09:40 PM

I have cheated a few times and have been cheated on by at least one of my bf. Sometimes it can mean there's something seriously wrong in your relationship, sometimes it's just boredom, loneliness, alcohol... I find myself more tempted to cheat if I'm unhappy with myself and insecure... Depending on the reasons for the betrayal I think it's not neccessarily a reason to break up. I never broke up because he cheated, but I was dumped once because I did cheat, or rather because I told him about it.
I would never, never, never tell! Either break up if neccessary or keep quiet and forget about it. Don't make such a big deal about it... Never had a too bad concious anyway. Rather liked to have a little, sweet secret Embarassed

liquid_f0rc3

Barker

Joined: Aug 11, 2008
Posts: 179
Location: The Getaway
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 25, 2008 - 10:17 PM

a secret you can rub into his face when he tells you he cheated:P you can just be like: oh really? well me too... more than once:P

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xo marisa || rage and love-the story of my life... the jesus of suburbia is a lie!

Ponzonia

Barker

Joined: June 24, 2008
Posts: 197
Location: el mundo
Status: Offline

Posted: Aug 25, 2008 - 10:42 PM

Secret weapon - huh? Well, actually, I never had to get that one out. Always broke up on "good terms" kinda...
What I find a lot worse that cheating guys, are those insanely jealous ones!!! Thankfully I never experienced it myself, but a friend of mine has. At a certain point it's like:..." well, if he thinks I'm a cheating whore anyway, why not give him a real reason" That guy was mad, no rational thinking at all. Thank goodness, I'm not the least bit jealous...and if I ever was, I was proved to be right in the end...
Also I hate jealous girls, who give you ****, just because you're having a good time... That must drive a guy away IMO...