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e11ie
Lurker
Joined: Mar 16, 2005
Posts: 27
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
Nov 12, 2009 - 09:16 PM |
 
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In addition to agreeing with the Rabbit... =)
Unfortunately you live in Shanghai... who can blame her or any other girls trying to minimize the chance of a heartbreak by casting you aside as a player? It's just a method of protection... Just look at the forum here, a great deal of the men and a great deal of the women very much fit the stereotype!
If anything, you being a foreigner in Shanghai, being well groom, flirtatious, and all that, scream stereotype. So, in my opinion, you will have to do more than just "being yourself"... =)
I thought she was younger for some reasons....
Best! |
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KalanStar
PopStar
Joined: Oct 06, 2009
Posts: 1237
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Nov 13, 2009 - 06:59 AM |
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| e11ie wrote: |
| So, in my opinion, you will have to do more than just "being yourself"... =) |
Great  how can I be more than myself???
Maybe I should quit looking good... maybe start shopping at the fake markets, hiking my trousers up really high and stop combing my hair??? Then I'll get some woman who wants to "fix" me. Would that be better? I'm not sure.
The girl in question is really quite fashionable herself, that's one of the things that initially sparked my interest in her.
PS. There is a colleague of mine, a Westerner who dresses just like a 60 year old Chinese man and he's happily married. What a geek though.  |
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karab123
Seeker
Joined: Feb 20, 2009
Posts: 58
Location: french concession
Status: Offline
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Nov 14, 2009 - 01:14 AM |
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| Marakanis wrote: |
Overall though, if you're looking for more intelligent women, I'd look in places like Sweden and Finland, where the women are a lot more spirited and encouraged to follow their dreams and... well hell, to have dreams at all. I'd also look in areas of the U.S. towards the coasts. New York, California, Washington. Canada isn't a bad place to check either. France if you can't stand stuck-up people. Certain areas of Britain, etc.
Basically places where women's rights, feminism, and the women's suffrage movements happened.. |
good point. but lots of expat men from those places wind up here, ones that really appreciate the submissiveness and blankness, but then they want some of the old. in the end, it's all about moderation. i'd say though, the women from those countries and places you listed are also more likely to dump you for a woman or have excessive theoretical problems with your relationship while the typical twenties chinese woman have none whatsoever. |
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KalanStar
PopStar
Joined: Oct 06, 2009
Posts: 1237
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Nov 14, 2009 - 07:55 AM |
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| karab123 wrote: |
| good point. but lots of expat men from those places wind up here, ones that really appreciate the submissiveness and blankness, but then they want some of the old. in the end, it's all about moderation. i'd say though, the women from those countries and places you listed are also more likely to dump you for a woman or have excessive theoretical problems with your relationship while the typical twenties chinese woman have none whatsoever. |
In my opinion, Chinese women are quite strong and liberated compared with their Japanese and Korean cousins. And you are right, women from the places Marakanis listed are more likely to dump you for a woman. Having lived in the Western N. America area, I can say that there are an awful lot of dykes about. And having dated Northern Europeans, I'd say that they are the ones who 'wear the pants' in a relationship. But I don't find the Chinese flavor to be particularly blank, although when in their 20's they may be blindly sold on 'romantic love' and don't have enough perspective to bring up any theoretical problems with the relationship, but what happens after their 20's? I've heard so many housewives in Shanghai reaming the piss out of their suddenly mute husbands. I've never heard a nationality of woman that can yell louder and longer than a disgruntled Chinese housewife |
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rickettyrabbit
LoopKicker
Joined: Sep 30, 2009
Posts: 824
Location: Minhang District
Status: Online!
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Nov 14, 2009 - 10:59 PM |
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^ Italians.
(But you bring to mind the female character in "Kung Fu Hustle". She's one of my favourite archetypes. I had a next door neighbour who was so much like her that I LMAO when I saw that character in the movie.)
Wabbit |
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chamaflauge
Ranter
Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Posts: 571
Status: Offline
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Nov 15, 2009 - 01:25 PM |
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Seems like you are bragging to me Kalanstar...I'm not trying to be an a-hole or anything. I just think you already know the answer to your own question. |
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KalanStar
PopStar
Joined: Oct 06, 2009
Posts: 1237
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Nov 15, 2009 - 08:06 PM |
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| chamaflauge wrote: |
| Seems like you are bragging to me Kalanstar...I'm not trying to be an a-hole or anything. I just think you already know the answer to your own question. |
Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I'm not sure because I don't know which question you are referring to?
I'm still talking to that girl from my office, but perhaps it'll end up as a platonic thing... I've ended up with quite a lot of female friends (more than male!) over the years, and sometimes I get so worked up and frustrated by the woman I'm interested in that I seek out the friendship path too soon . Perhaps I'm becoming a "grass eater" I already score awfully high on the metrosexual quizzes 
Perhaps it's time to go back to the red-neck farmland I grew up in??? Incidentally, this girl I like comes from farming stock and we both agree a leisurely life in the country side living in a natural environment is worth more than all the money and success a big city can offer and is truly the best kind of "rich" life one can have... but maybe we'd have to be more seriously dating to make that dream come true! |
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chamaflauge
Ranter
Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Posts: 571
Status: Offline
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Nov 16, 2009 - 05:28 PM |
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Maybe you are so handsome it's just to easy and you constantly pick up garbage. Date a woman who doesn't speak English so well. I thrice had a girl I liked very much but I treated them like garbage...and drove them a way with my arrogance. |
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kikibroom
Lurker
Joined: July 24, 2008
Posts: 21
Status: Offline
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Nov 16, 2009 - 07:52 PM |
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I feel sorry for the OP, you must not feel happy when being with people who can't share interesting things with you. Maybe language is the barrier for you to develop further. Many young Chinese speak some English, it's not quite enough for expressing emotions, opinions etc. But should you speak Chinese, probbaly may you find your girl more interesting.
I always think that one's initial intention and the attitude will lead the conclusion of that thing. How many times have you talked with a girl before giving your number? Is she stunning good-looking or she is also funny? You have met her somewhere before, if you don't like her, why you hang out with her? Even afterwards, you find she is not the right person, tell her, she is not your type, and you want someone who can share good things with you not only sitting their being silent. You always have the choice and before choosing, use the brain.
Most expats in Shanghai are actually living in a very closed groups,they don't speak local languages and are not interested in natives' social activies, how many local forums do you read, and what clubs do you know? What local trends do you know? Besides work, pubs, parties, what other things do you like to do? Reading? Sporting? Travelling? Photography? Antique hunting?
Go to the places where people with the right tastes as you do, then you'll have higher possibilities to meet a right person. |
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oneapple396
Newbie
Joined: Nov 17, 2009
Posts: 1
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Nov 17, 2009 - 10:56 AM |
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Kalanstar,
As a Chinese girl who have been studying,working for 8 years in U.S I can tell you that Chinese girls are very goal orientated compared to American girls. They(using they not we because for some reason I don't feel like them most of the time LOL) know what they want, good education, jobs and husband. After college, they generally like to date guys who are good candidates for marriage. So when she was told that you wanted to be single, it is kind of a slap on her face, she was probably thinking WTH am I doing with this guy. She obviously likes you. But a good girl like her doesn't like to be the one who chase, that's a lose of her face esply after you clearly told in her face that you would like to be single. The chaser should be you. So if you still like her, tell her that you like her and if things work out for you guys there is possibility of marriage (isn't that what you want?). She would be very likely showing more interest in you.
Hey not all Chinese are as dull/restricted as people say on this forum. As a matter of fact, Chinese are a lot more relaxed, funny, free than a lot of American do. Maybe not having as much hobby as westerners due to financial reason. Chinese value more time spent with friends, family and co-workers while American value more individual time and hobby.
If you grasp more Chinese language and make more local friends, you will graduately get what I am saying. I know it's hard not to judge people based on what you know and comfortable with.
I am coming back to China to work in Jan 2010. That's why I am on this forum. It seems to me there are a lot of interesting ppl here on this forum... |
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BeiDong
Ranter
Joined: June 09, 2009
Posts: 538
Status: Offline
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Nov 17, 2009 - 12:56 PM |
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I've met heaps/a ton/a mass/a gaggle/a smorgasbord of people. The far majority are boring and predictable, Chinese or not. (But Chinese girls especially so) |
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KalanStar
PopStar
Joined: Oct 06, 2009
Posts: 1237
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Nov 18, 2009 - 09:06 PM |
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| kikibroom wrote: |
How many times have you talked with a girl before giving your number? |
I usually don't give out my number. But if I've known a girl for a few weeks, I usually ask for hers.
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| Is she stunning good-looking or she is also funny? |
Not necessarily good looking, but cute. Yes she's quite funny.
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| You have met her somewhere before, if you don't like her, why you hang out with her? |
I like having female friends, so I still want to hangout, but she doesn't accept my invitations anymore.
| Quote: |
| Most expats in Shanghai are actually living in a very closed groups,they don't speak local languages and are not interested in natives' social activies, how many local forums do you read, and what clubs do you know? |
I only associate with foreigners on this forum and at work. I don't usually hangout or talk to foreigners outside of work. I don't read any local forums, my Chinese not being good enough, and I've only been to a club once in Shangahi, "Independence Day 2002"
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| What local trends do you know? |
Never thought of finding out. I'm not all that into trends.
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| Besides work, pubs, parties, what other things do you like to do? Reading? Sporting? Travelling? Photography? Antique hunting? |
In China, I rarely go to parties, and never go to pubs, I go to work, business meetings and school. I'm into traveling, mountain biking, camping, hiking, shopping, reading, computer tech, massage parlors, playing poker, eating in many different restaurants,photography, writing, and studying, and before I came back to SH, a lot of drinking and dancing. |
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KalanStar
PopStar
Joined: Oct 06, 2009
Posts: 1237
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Nov 18, 2009 - 09:16 PM |
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| oneapple396 wrote: |
| After college, they generally like to date guys who are good candidates for marriage. So when she was told that you wanted to be single, it is kind of a slap on her face, she was probably thinking WTH am I doing with this guy. |
Yeah, kinda screwed up there, I didn't understand what she was really asking.
| Quote: |
| She obviously likes you. But a good girl like her doesn't like to be the one who chase, that's a lose of her face esply after you clearly told in her face that you would like to be single. |
Didn't really get that I was costing her face. I did tell her I liked her and enjoyed being with her, and wanted to see her more often etc.
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| The chaser should be you. |
I was chasing, but then she asked if I would quit if there was no chance for me to catch her, and I thought "yes" to be the right answer. Guess I was wrong.
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| So if you still like her, tell her that you like her and if things work out for you guys there is possibility of marriage (isn't that what you want?). |
Already told her, but to say again would just make things awkward. So I think it doesn't matter if I like her or not. I said I quit, so I quit. To tell her I like her etc. now would just make me look like a loser. I feel better just being alone than giving myself a headache by trying for this girl. i think it doesn't matter what my feelings are at this point. Since I do still like her, my plan is to just wait until those feelings die or she meets someone else so I can forget about her. I give it 4 - 6 months and then maybe I'll let my guard down and try again with someone else.
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| She would be very likely showing more interest in you. |
Too late. We've both lost face by this point in the game. |
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daxingxing
Reacher
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Posts: 252
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Nov 19, 2009 - 11:16 AM |
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| KalanStar wrote: |
| For me, personality is the most important part of attraction, but even when I find the right personality type, I can't get through the "agreeing with everything I say" stage. I don't know if they are just being "Chinese", ie. trying to please me by giving the answers they think I want to hear or are they just uninspired and boring??? |
I think it's both! |
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shonriver
Talker
Joined: Dec 07, 2006
Posts: 113
Status: Offline
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Nov 26, 2009 - 11:08 PM |
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| Post subject: Re: Agreeable Chinese women... hard to get to know! |
| KalanStar wrote: |
I've been hanging out with or dating a few Chinese girls. (I call it hanging out, but I think they call it dating.) The ambiguity of our encounters is only the tip of the iceberg. Whenever I mention something they agree. For example, if I say I like going to clubs and dancing, they say they like doing that too. But if I ask them where a good place to go is, or what local DJ do they like etc., I get a blank stare. Or if I say I like reading, they say they like reading too, but again, if I ask them what book they are currently reading, I get the blank stare. So sometimes I ask them what they like to do first and maybe no dancing or reading is mentioned, but when I tell them my habit of doing those things, suddenly they do/like them too.
I know they are trying to please me in their Chinese way, but I'm always left wondering: "Do I really have anything in common with this girl?"
From these experiences, I can see why Chinese women might be easy to take to bed. If I said: "I like f*cking.", probably they'd respond: "I like f*cking too." But that's not what I'm after. I want to get to know them and then we can do the other stuff. The last thing I want is some girl who seems to like everything I do until we are actually f*cking, and then she turns into a totally different person!
Do Chinese women know that some foreign men like their girlfriend to have their own opinions and life? I've been out with Chinese girls who just sit there, want to listen to me talk, and when I ask them a question, they turn red and just say: "You're so handsome!" Although that is good to hear every now and then, I'd rather hear their own thoughts.
So how can a foreigner get a honest answer about easy things like habits and hobbies? |
they pleased you, entertained you for the 0.01% chance to get your nationality. They are just f*cking your passport, not your dick. |
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caso
Rocker
Joined: Apr 01, 2009
Posts: 606
Status: Offline
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Nov 27, 2009 - 09:29 AM |
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| rickettyrabbit wrote: |
^ Italians.
Wabbit |
stop watching american movies and try to meet Italian people in real life. |
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Nathalie29
Reacher
Joined: Nov 19, 2009
Posts: 234
Status: Offline
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Nov 27, 2009 - 10:32 AM |
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| Post subject: Re: Agreeable Chinese women... hard to get to know! |
| shonriver wrote: |
| KalanStar wrote: |
I've been hanging out with or dating a few Chinese girls. (I call it hanging out, but I think they call it dating.) The ambiguity of our encounters is only the tip of the iceberg. Whenever I mention something they agree. For example, if I say I like going to clubs and dancing, they say they like doing that too. But if I ask them where a good place to go is, or what local DJ do they like etc., I get a blank stare. Or if I say I like reading, they say they like reading too, but again, if I ask them what book they are currently reading, I get the blank stare. So sometimes I ask them what they like to do first and maybe no dancing or reading is mentioned, but when I tell them my habit of doing those things, suddenly they do/like them too.
I know they are trying to please me in their Chinese way, but I'm always left wondering: "Do I really have anything in common with this girl?"
From these experiences, I can see why Chinese women might be easy to take to bed. If I said: "I like f*cking.", probably they'd respond: "I like f*cking too." But that's not what I'm after. I want to get to know them and then we can do the other stuff. The last thing I want is some girl who seems to like everything I do until we are actually f*cking, and then she turns into a totally different person!
Do Chinese women know that some foreign men like their girlfriend to have their own opinions and life? I've been out with Chinese girls who just sit there, want to listen to me talk, and when I ask them a question, they turn red and just say: "You're so handsome!" Although that is good to hear every now and then, I'd rather hear their own thoughts.
So how can a foreigner get a honest answer about easy thingsa like habits and hobbies? |
they pleased you, entertained you for the 0.01% chance to get your nationality. They are just f*cking your passport, not your dick. |
i am very greedy, cause i wanna get your dick and passport or visa at same time, so please leave me alone,yeah ! I have nothing,but a normal intelligence for all i wanna do forcefully and stubbornly by myself and nobody can get it from a sagittarius shanghai woman, yeah ! |
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KalanStar
PopStar
Joined: Oct 06, 2009
Posts: 1237
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Nov 27, 2009 - 04:54 PM |
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| Post subject: Re: Agreeable Chinese women... hard to get to know! |
| shonriver wrote: |
| KalanStar wrote: |
I've been hanging out with or dating a few Chinese girls. (I call it hanging out, but I think they call it dating.) The ambiguity of our encounters is only the tip of the iceberg. Whenever I mention something they agree. For example, if I say I like going to clubs and dancing, they say they like doing that too. But if I ask them where a good place to go is, or what local DJ do they like etc., I get a blank stare. Or if I say I like reading, they say they like reading too, but again, if I ask them what book they are currently reading, I get the blank stare. So sometimes I ask them what they like to do first and maybe no dancing or reading is mentioned, but when I tell them my habit of doing those things, suddenly they do/like them too.
I know they are trying to please me in their Chinese way, but I'm always left wondering: "Do I really have anything in common with this girl?"
From these experiences, I can see why Chinese women might be easy to take to bed. If I said: "I like f*cking.", probably they'd respond: "I like f*cking too." But that's not what I'm after. I want to get to know them and then we can do the other stuff. The last thing I want is some girl who seems to like everything I do until we are actually f*cking, and then she turns into a totally different person!
Do Chinese women know that some foreign men like their girlfriend to have their own opinions and life? I've been out with Chinese girls who just sit there, want to listen to me talk, and when I ask them a question, they turn red and just say: "You're so handsome!" Although that is good to hear every now and then, I'd rather hear their own thoughts.
So how can a foreigner get a honest answer about easy things like habits and hobbies? |
they pleased you, entertained you for the 0.01% chance to get your nationality. They are just f*cking your passport, not your dick. |
Oh shonriver, nice to see you You figure they are f*cking me eh? Thanks for the vote of confidence... but no they are not. I've only ever dated 1 Chinese girl, we ended-up engaged and that was 7 years ago... I'm a good little Devil don'tchaknow?
Speaking of my dick, Asian chicks usually exclaim on first seeing it: "ohh it's so big. will it fit?" To which I reply, "If you can make a baby come out of there someday, I think it'll fit!"
I guess when that girl saw yours, she said: :"Where is it exactly?" |
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rickettyrabbit
LoopKicker
Joined: Sep 30, 2009
Posts: 824
Location: Minhang District
Status: Online!
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Nov 28, 2009 - 11:42 AM |
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Nathalie29
Reacher
Joined: Nov 19, 2009
Posts: 234
Status: Offline
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Nov 28, 2009 - 11:52 AM |
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most italians are dumps and gays, my italian gay friends always tell me it at coffee beans. |
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rickettyrabbit
LoopKicker
Joined: Sep 30, 2009
Posts: 824
Location: Minhang District
Status: Online!
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Nov 28, 2009 - 11:59 AM |
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You have unimpeachable sources. If you can't trust your gay Italian friends, then who can you trust?
Wabbit |
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Nathalie29
Reacher
Joined: Nov 19, 2009
Posts: 234
Status: Offline
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Nov 28, 2009 - 12:25 PM |
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i always trust myself and those eunuchs. |
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caso
Rocker
Joined: Apr 01, 2009
Posts: 606
Status: Offline
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Nov 28, 2009 - 07:30 PM |
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I am Italian but I am not a black dressed widow...it means I can only be gay??
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missjane
Barker
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Posts: 131
Location: dreaming around
Status: Offline
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Nov 28, 2009 - 10:20 PM |
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Italians are fun!
At least the ones I met are fabulous! |
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Nathalie29
Reacher
Joined: Nov 19, 2009
Posts: 234
Status: Offline
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Nov 29, 2009 - 06:01 AM |
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| caso wrote: |
I am Italian but I am not a black dressed widow...it means I can only be gay??a
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you can be whatever you wanna be and nobody cares it if your mouth is bigger than a cow. I guess my black humor is so tough and mean, yeah ! |
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