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xay6pack
Raver
Joined: July 13, 2004
Posts: 420
Status: Offline
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  Posted:
Sep 23, 2004 - 07:16 AM |
 
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| Post subject: "I just want a nice guy" |
I pulled this from the web. What do you all think? Is this really why womens prefer the jerk kind of guys?
"I just want a nice guy," women whine. Then they date the first drunken leather-clad jerk who spills his drink on her dress. What gives?
Well, it's more than just because "nice" is generally considered shorthand for "boring sex." Here's why some babes love the allure of the bad boy.
It's Genetic
All of human history - and thus, our genetic programming -- rewards those brave enough to take risks. The cowardly caveman died in his lonely cavern, while the brave one ventured out and survived. Sure, the "dangerous" caveman might not be as pleasant to sit with by the fire at night, but he appealed to the cavewoman because he'd pass along stronger genes.
It's All In Our Heads
What's so sexy - and makes us feel so good - about being with the bad boy? For starters, he's got confidence, and that's sexy because it's a sign of strength. But there's more: dating the bad boy carries an element of risk. And risk triggers the production of the feel-good brain chemical dopamine. We may be intrigued by his notorious drug and alcohol problems (and he probably has 'em), but it's really our own "drugged" nervous system that does us in.
We Love a Challenge
Women love to play relationship therapist (just listen in on a conversation with our girlfriends if you need proof). In order to achieve this, we need to find a jerk to lie down on our couch. We love the idea of being the woman who solves this mysterious man's problems and turns him into our own Prince Charming.
We Know What to Expect
With bad boys, we know what to expect. We'll try to change them, it won't work, and we'll be left heartbroken. But, it will be entirely not our fault. Whereas if we date Mr. Nice Guy and doesn't work out, we're going to have to take some ownership of the failure. Some women are just more comfortable playing the victim. |
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Magnolia
Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31098
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Sep 23, 2004 - 09:42 AM |
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But there's more: dating the bad boy carries an element of risk
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I thinl this about sums it up. Lots of women like the element of risk. Many are unable to take risks in other parts of their lives and by dating the "bay boy" they can do so with minimal repercussions. |
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BOYCOTT BENSON SALON |
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SwedishChef
Low Seater
Joined: Aug 19, 2004
Posts: 3028
Location: Køokin' der yummee-yummer
Status: Offline
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Sep 23, 2004 - 11:04 AM |
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Magnolia
Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31098
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Sep 23, 2004 - 02:15 PM |
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So all men just want to get laid? I give some of them more credit than that! Not all, but some.
I have never been a true believer in the women and men can't be friends debate ... I like to think that my male friends are my friends and not after sex. Some may call me naive; however, I am a firm believer that there are different levels of friendship and a truely platonic friendship can exist between a man and a woman.
Want to watch When Harry Met Sally again ... |
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BOYCOTT BENSON SALON |
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hayashi
Lurker
Joined: Aug 26, 2004
Posts: 37
Status: Offline
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Sep 23, 2004 - 02:51 PM |
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We Love a Challenge
[/u]
is that ture .. women loves being in challege in the career when they getting old . i think it's fun to have a challenge when u r young . mature girls has no time to play relationship therapist ,i guess . but one thing is for sure . girls r always being emotional in love ,doesn't matter how old they r . whatever .. male thinks girls r complicated , i really do think so too even i am a girl. |
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n00b
PopStar
Joined: Apr 27, 2004
Posts: 1130
Location: Hua Guo Mountain
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Sep 23, 2004 - 03:30 PM |
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males who try to blow other males' cover/thoughts have no decency. no sense of brotherhood at all. |
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endalia
Barker
Joined: Aug 20, 2004
Posts: 131
Location: sitting on a star
Status: Offline
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Sep 23, 2004 - 04:25 PM |
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I believe men and women can be platonic friends. Not all of them, but some. Besides females have their fantasies. In my experience, close male friends have become very protective of me and are great when you need bear hugs and beer! |
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A piece of red ribbon connects us... |
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flifox
Raver
Joined: July 15, 2004
Posts: 434
Status: Offline
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Sep 23, 2004 - 06:02 PM |
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| So all men just want to get laid? I give some of them more credit than that! Not all, but some. |
I think there is some element of truth in that all men want to get laid - initially anyway. or there is some exchange that is desired either in the form of info, company, 'she makes me look good', etc.
However, when true friendship develops, then a lot of that is replaced by some intrinsic understand and appreciation of the other person as a human being with good qualities and value.
I also think that as primal animals we inately have those sexual desires. However in the modern society we call civilisation, there are norms and morals that prevent us from exericing those primal instincts. That's civilisation for you!
Would it be great if we could still have concubines and harems and multiple wives? |
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littlefox
Fire-eater
Joined: Nov 23, 2003
Posts: 2773
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Sep 23, 2004 - 06:24 PM |
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| Magnolia wrote: |
| So all men just want to get laid? I give some of them more credit than that! Not all, but some. |
most of them I have to say. |
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Ah, the ubiquitous idiots... |
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Clark_Kent
Raver
Joined: Aug 26, 2004
Posts: 439
Status: Offline
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Sep 23, 2004 - 07:05 PM |
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Hey Xay6pack,
You stole my thread! If you wanted to move it to Dating Singles and Relationships. Why didn't you just say so? I think it belongs to this category more appropriately anyway.
I cannot stress enough, most girls in their 20s or younger love Jerks, and matures later in their 30s to realize they need to settle down with a nice guy. Because before then they are not ready to settle down yet, and that's why they prefer to date the Jerks for the emotional roller coaster, the challenge, the risk, the thrill, and the sex. The ones who unfortunately marry the Jerk, and if he stays a jerk, then she will be divorced by her 30's and looking for nice guys again. The Caveman theory also holds true because our biological evolution hasn't kept up with our social and technological advances yet. So for those nice guys out there. There are 3 choices; wait untill you are 30, become a Jerk, and date women in their 30's. Or do all three if you want to maximize your relationship & sexual potential. |
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xay6pack
Raver
Joined: July 13, 2004
Posts: 420
Status: Offline
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Sep 23, 2004 - 11:41 PM |
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Clark,
Buddy sorry for hijacking your topics. I just thought that this may explain what you want to know but I just forgot where you have your post. |
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xtina
PopStar
Joined: Aug 20, 2004
Posts: 1269
Status: Offline
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Oct 02, 2004 - 08:02 PM |
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My opinion is the same as clark's. When women feel they are young, restless and up to any challenge, they'll choose to date those more attractive jerks. But when they are ready to settle down, they'll definitely go to those nice and responsible guys. As we all know, most nice guys are boring, so a woman needs either lots of luck to find a nice and interesting guy, or lots of perseverance to tranform a boring nice guy into someone attractive (or can she?)  |
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ailian
Newbie
Joined: June 24, 2004
Posts: 9
Status: Offline
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Oct 07, 2004 - 12:47 AM |
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Personally I find myself young and attractive, but I generally dislike leather-clad jerks. Give me a sweet geek anyday (or three days ago, as the case may be), as they're generally 800% more interesting.  |
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xay6pack
Raver
Joined: July 13, 2004
Posts: 420
Status: Offline
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Oct 14, 2004 - 05:09 AM |
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Good to hear that some girls still have common sense.  |
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Magnolia
Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31098
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Oct 14, 2004 - 09:46 AM |
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It's all mental ... totally depends on what is going on upstairs. I can't tolerate dating someone who is not quick witted or who does not have opinions on things. That is not to say that they have to talk constantly, but that they are not mental pushovers. I have tried but find that I get bored rather quickly. Whether it is a sweet geek or a pierced motorcyle man, if they are fun to be with, great to talk with and the time is mutually enjoyed than it is ok. |
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BOYCOTT BENSON SALON |
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bleucheese
Veejay
Joined: Aug 01, 2003
Posts: 1993
Location: this side of the tracks
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Oct 14, 2004 - 11:26 AM |
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| Magnolia wrote: |
| So all men just want to get laid? I give some of them more credit than that! Not all, but some. |
Dont. But, in all honesty, they want much more than that. Sex is a huge part of the relationship (from the males perspective) and definitely the initializing attraction. Youre kidding yourself if you think all of your male friends (who arent gay or...confused) didnt have that in mind at some point or another. It was probably their first thought when they met you...and then they slipped into the friend zone.
But, aside from great sex, men would also like a good interesting friend and a confidant.
I honestly dont think women want either a sheepish nerd or a 'bad boy' and i dont think men want a bookish boring loyal woman nor a crazy nympho. Its all about the combo, the balance.
I digress on friends/sex from a Western males perspective in Asia:
I think out here in China, from my experience and other male friends, the traditional modus operandi by Chinese women is to develop the friendship over a long period of time and then lay down, if that ever happens. Maybe hold hands for a few weeks first while playing coy and being completely passive with limited, if any, flirtation or sexiness.
From a males perspective, its much better in the Western world where it is very easy to meet interesting, professional, successful, fun-loving, intellectual, witty women..... who want to get laid. And arent embarrassed or afraid of aggresively following their desires. And THEN follow the physical side of things by developing a good friendship should she want that too.
Its a cultural issue. There are very few Chinese women who walk that fine line of personal accomplishment and high intellect, combined with complete sexual freedom and fearlessness.
As far as the combo of bad boy/geek- they are out there too- i have many friends who are heavily tattoed, hard drinking, leather wearing, fear loving, fast living adventurers who are also witty, educated, professionally accomplished and like to date and be loyal and commited, and spoil one woman exclusively. Well...if shes great in the sack. |
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n00b
PopStar
Joined: Apr 27, 2004
Posts: 1130
Location: Hua Guo Mountain
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Oct 14, 2004 - 06:53 PM |
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| bleucheese wrote: |
...i dont think men want a bookish boring loyal woman nor a crazy nympho. Its all about the combo...
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i agree with bluecheese! two is better than one! man, you rock!
three is even better. |
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MustangSallie
Barker
Joined: July 05, 2004
Posts: 135
Location: Puxi
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Oct 17, 2004 - 09:28 PM |
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as I've said in other threads, I don't like 'nice guys' beause I can get away with treating them like doormats, and I've found that they tend to treat me like a housewife. I've found guys who are slightly on the jerk side don't treat me like I'm inferior in a way i find patronizing.
I see nice guy/jerk almost analogous to weak/strong. My concept of what a "man" is, is a very stong, confiedent man... and nice guys to me just seem a little girly.
but please keep in mind, this is MY TWISTED opinion which probably originates from the fact I grew up in a military family where strength and aggression were a measure of manhood. |
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protect your local wildlife from the cold...
cuddle with a hockey player... |
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Gardovan
Talker
Joined: July 08, 2004
Posts: 84
Location: PuDong
Status: Offline
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Oct 18, 2004 - 10:33 AM |
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I agree, in the beginning it seems to be a thing about chossing a nice guy or a jerk and I agree that jerks seem to have some magical attraction to girls because of several reasons. But in the end the third party the reasonable guys win I think. There are times you have to be nice but also sometimes you have to stand up for your rights, you don't have to be a jerk to be like that.
About the jerks:
1st they are playing the untouchable everywhere in there environment, and often be admired because of that.(but I think in most of the cases it's just show, in the end they are human beeings as well)
2nd because of their habit not to value things someone's doning on their behalf, they give the girls are inadequate for them(at least they try give that feeling to everybody, but most of the time boy's deal in a different way with it). I think that kind of behaviour triggers the girls social switch that makes them feel bad if they can't do anything right for someone, maybe they think they have to show the jerks that they are the most lovely beeing in the world, they are even that lovely that even the biggest jerk has to admit in the end, after the full sweety treatment.(That it's just a waste of time they didn't even admit to themselves) The more bad the jerk treats the girl the more she is intensifying her treatments to show him through love how wrong he is to treat her badly = vicious circle.
3rd most of the jerks are narcists(it's not necessarily the other way round as well) so they take care about their looks, fashion etc.
And besides the discussion about not beeing so superficial just to take care of the looks of somebody, blablabla. It's always the only thing that's obvious on first sight, if someone is able to see the character of someone please teach me how to do that.
After this kind of life and maybe just killing 10 years of life livinig it in this way the girls get frustrated and break the relation. Then, maybe even with a child, they need time to regenerate themselves from these kind of idiot's of the male gender. After that regeneration time they may be looking for a new partner, but because of all this kind of treatments and their own neglected love they now have impossibly high demands.
I on my behalf belive that the only way to maintain a good and healthy relationship is not to loose yourself. Man or Woman, when I start a relationship I do it because I like the person I met, so I don't want her to become a copy of me and my habits, some of them I really don't like and want to get rid of them. A relationship can be more than the sum of their parts but just if the parts have their own genuine advantage not becoming twins of boredom.
And Sally glad to hear that you think that your opinion is twisted, because hitting back everytime even harder in a conflict wouldn't solve it in a pleasant way, and a relationship should be teamwork, not a testdrive of the others stamina in bearing bad treatment.
Even Lincoln said:
"To see the true character of a man, give him power."
Bye Gardovan |
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