George W. Bush - Uncyclopedia

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alex-hk
SuperStar

Joined: Apr 21, 2003
Posts: 1419
Location: in there.

Posted: Dec 01, 2005 - 06:33 AM
Post subject: George W. Bush - Uncyclopedia

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/George_W._Bush

Quote:

George WMD Bush (born Rick James and Michael Moore in 1969) is the most important person in the history of the Known Universe. He never sleeps. Instead, he lies awake all night thinking of new infamy. He was born on December 25, 1776 in a small oil puddle in Saudi Arabia and is the current President of the Divided States of America and the only accountable one. Georgie, a former alcoholic, cocaine-abusing playboy and low achiever, was saved by God. He used to be a loser who could not get a job or even live without his father's help, but he is now the most successful President of the Divided States and Emperor of iRaq, proving once again, how great the United States really is. G-d made him a scientifically-minded statesman! His powers include stuttering on national television, running from public service that isn't "fun," and publicly showing off his lack of intelligence and 2.0 GPA. Despite his apparent lack of intelligence MENSA made Bush an honorary member because of a terrible lack of Republicans within the organization. 2000 Constitution Party candidate Don Knotts slammed MENSA's induction of Bush as "unaffirmative action."
A rare photo of Bush during his military days
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A rare photo of Bush during his military days

Somewhere in Texas a village is missing its idiot. Don't blame me, I didn't vote for Bush. Cries such as these are heard from rabid liberals who are too thick to realize that John Kerry would have been defeated by a thornberry bush, much less George W. Bush, which in reality - are pretty much the same thing. His testicles are named Sam and Eric, after the twins in The Lord of the Flies.

Life
Contrary to popular belief, Bushie was NOT, in fact, born in Texas. Unlike the rest of us who were evolved from Sodium chloride or coconuts, he was created by God an intelligent designer (named Britney Spears) according to His image (see synopsis for Les Miserables). Notable media pundits point to this as the reason for his decidedly poor skills as an Arabian warlord. They are wrong anyway. Hopefully Georgie's support of stem cell research will one day fix their brains.

As a kid, Georgie wanted to be an astronaut, but when he grew up, they weren't sending chimps into space anymore. Not unlike Jesus, we know very little about Georgie's early life apart from the fact that his wife used to beat him with whips and chains. We only know that he single-handedly (AWOL in military jargon) saved the Divided States (United then) from VCs during the last stage of the Vietnam War in Texas. After the loss of Baghdad, U.S. troops failed miserably in Vietnam, thanks to a coward named Geraldo Rivera. Billions of North Vietnamese terrorists crossed the Yalu River, ready to rent their cars from Alamo. Georgie, brave warrior, took his airplane to heaven and dropped thunder and lightening upon them. He saved America in five fateful minutes.

After returning from military service he joined his brothers Jeb and Cletus in the short-lived band The Beverley Sisters Hill-Billies, in which he played the jug to all manner of songs by the Beverley Sisters, mostly to critical acclaim. Following the break-up of the band he entered a life of humble political service, starting as a despot in Texas.

Typical test from Dubya...he screwed it up again
Jenna appears in the Army recruit commercial: "Look Mom, if I decide I still want to be a doctor when I get out, I'll have had four years experience as a nurse or an X-ray tech or an O.T. specialist working with real patients. Lots of patients. So many patients that , and can only dream of. All of 'em are busted apart, torn wide open, and dripping real blood. That's why I want to enlist in the military--it'll be good for my career. They are going to die anyway. Cheaper than Guinea pigs. Plus I don't need to bury 'em. What do you think? Mom?" YOUR URN TURN
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Jenna appears in the Army recruit commercial: "Look Mom, if I decide I still want to be a doctor when I get out, I'll have had four years experience as a nurse or an X-ray tech or an O.T. specialist working with real patients. Lots of patients. So many patients that ER , Six Feet Under and Body Worlds can only dream of. All of 'em are busted apart, torn wide open, and dripping real blood. That's why I want to enlist in the military--it'll be good for my career. They are going to die anyway. Cheaper than Guinea pigs. Plus I don't need to bury 'em. What do you think? Mom?" YOUR URN TURN

Georgie has two daughters and a dog. All of them are proud members of the Divided States Army. The two daughters are well-trained Green Berets commandos. The younger daughter served in iRaq (16 years and 63 Purple Hearts) and the elder one in Afghanistan (18 years and 78 Purple Hearts). The dog, now a highly popular four-star general, has been the Supreme Commander of the Allied Powers in Japan since April 12, 1951. Japanese people love his dog and always call him "Gaiinu Shogun" (外犬将軍) or "General Fat Booty" with highest respect which is not enjoyed by his predecessor.

etc etc etc

actually quite amusing website.

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/China
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Asia
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Hong_Kong

let's start writing about Shanghai? Wink