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Dazza
Low Seater
Joined: Feb 02, 2006
Posts: 3027
Location: In the city of cold steel
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 Posted:
May 19, 2006 - 07:48 PM |
 
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| Post subject: Questions about Australia |
Hey,
Matt might be able to help with some of these 
| Quote: |
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the
actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense
of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain onTV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroadtracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific whichdoes
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night
in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
Population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl
I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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What a bunch of Dumbfecks! |
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Magnolia
Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31071
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| Posted:
May 19, 2006 - 07:57 PM |
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i've seen this before... one of the funnier ones! right up there with the qantas airlines one!
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_________________
BOYCOTT BENSON SALON |
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yu888
Board Deity
Joined: Jan 25, 2003
Posts: 17973
Location: ZhongShanParkArea SH
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| Posted:
May 20, 2006 - 07:05 AM |
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BlackAdder
PopStar
Joined: Apr 21, 2006
Posts: 1042
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
May 21, 2006 - 02:12 AM |
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gold |
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very cunning indeed |
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Dazza
Low Seater
Joined: Feb 02, 2006
Posts: 3027
Location: In the city of cold steel
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| Posted:
May 21, 2006 - 03:54 AM |
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What was the Qantas airline one about?? |
_________________
If the musics too loud then you are too old! |
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Magnolia
Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31071
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| Posted:
May 21, 2006 - 06:18 AM |
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| Quote: |
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the
only major airline that has never had an accident.... Enjoy!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last...
P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with
a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget. |
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_________________
BOYCOTT BENSON SALON |
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Dazza
Low Seater
Joined: Feb 02, 2006
Posts: 3027
Location: In the city of cold steel
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| Posted:
May 21, 2006 - 06:25 AM |
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^ haha Cheers my dear, Just got in at this hour? |
_________________
If the musics too loud then you are too old! |
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Magnolia
Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31071
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| Posted:
May 21, 2006 - 06:33 AM |
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stayed in last night... massive headache. you are up late! |
_________________
BOYCOTT BENSON SALON |
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