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What do the expat mothers do with themselves all day?

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Shanghai Expat Forum Index » Hot Topics Forums » Family Life and Kids

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freedelia

Rocker

Joined: Nov 27, 2006
Posts: 648

Status: Offline

Posted: May 26, 2008 - 07:48 AM

Is it really 50% of expat marriages that end in divorce???? I mean I do hear a lot of stories but i never would have thought it's that bad...

Islandgirl

Newbie

Joined: May 28, 2008
Posts: 2

Status: Offline

Posted: May 28, 2008 - 07:51 AM

Some expact mothers as myself work here teaching in International schools, so you will see a lot of children with ayi's as some mothers do not get home until 4 or 5pm.

Kidtown in Hong Mei above city shop is a good place for your children to play.

Cheers

rucksack

Barker

Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Posts: 190
Location: the wrong side of the tracks
Status: Offline

Posted: June 17, 2008 - 05:40 AM

After living here a few years footloose and fancy free I met my husband and started on the long road to happy families. We are now 4 all together with another on the way. I was freaked out at first with our first but found a great mom and toddler group that meets at Central Residences- Koala Kids is organized by the Australian Woman's group and they are really nice, un pretentious people (the aussies I mean). I've met most of my good friends through there. As for free time, I have non. I used to have a full-time ayi and I worked part-time. She quit and now I only have an hour and a half of help everyday. Outside work is much easier for sure. However, I'm really happy that she quit now, I love spending time with my youngest especially since he will soon be joining his brother in kindergarten. Then I will have a baby to look after. Now, being a full time mom without help is really hard, mentally and physically. I'm grateful to have a little help everyday so I can be on my own (usually just to run errands) but still, it's sort of "me" time. On the other hand I do know of mom's that are way MORE involved with their kids and HARDLY involved with their kids (bringing the ayi to the park, having the ayi take the kids to playgroups etc. etc.) Everyone is a different kind of mom.

cerskine

Lurker

Joined: June 07, 2008
Posts: 31

Status: Offline

Posted: July 18, 2008 - 08:28 AM

So how much are AYI's, and even if you were a SAHM in the states, would you recommend one to help feel your way around until you get the hang of the city?

yu888
Board Deity

Joined: Jan 25, 2003
Posts: 17973
Location: ZhongShanParkArea SH

Posted: July 18, 2008 - 09:04 AM

Good ayis can run as little as 12rmb an hour for non-English speaking to as much as 3000 a month for a full time live in with English and child caring experience. Our current Ayi comes in 3 days a week, 6 hours each time with the intent that she cleans up and also does an hour or two of playtime with my son so (fulltime) mom gets a short respite every couple days during the day. Costs us around 800 a month for that.

Many ayis are not that good as a guide, though they can help you with the household stuff while you spend time learning the area and such.

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aussiefamily

Lurker

Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 26

Status: Offline

Posted: July 30, 2008 - 08:54 AM

[/quote]yeah, in shanghai do 50% of expat marriages not end in divorce?[/quote][quote]

Yes i have heard that also. Actually i read an article (cant remember where) about a study that was done one the changing expat lifestyles and packages and what sort of effect it had on marriages and families. It reported that over 50% of expat marriages ended in divorce (this does not include the already 50% of marriages in 'normal life' end in divorce) so this brings it up to about 75% of marriages with expats? and was reported even higher for people with families. They reported the huge strain on especially mothers and children who struggle with no family support or familiarity and the new challenges with living in a foreign country - ontop of the already challenging job of being a mother. Mind you i did read this 'before' we agreeded to come to shanghai and i think it was a great reality check and certainly took off those rose coloured glasses and was a handy tool for discussing with my husband what we think we needed for all of us to make this a success. If i can find the report i will post the link.