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Stirling
Reacher
Joined: Aug 30, 2006
Posts: 215
Location: Jing An
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 10:08 AM |
 
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| Post subject: The ups and downs of Shanghai |
Being an Expat here can be tough, I couldnt find a topic on the ups and downs but is it just me? One min you can be loving it, another your asking why you are here?
How do you feel about this? Does it go with time? How long did it take to stabalise? What can you do? |
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yu888
Board Deity
Joined: Jan 25, 2003
Posts: 17971
Location: ZhongShanParkArea SH
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Sep 29, 2006 - 10:17 AM |
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totally normal. but usually people separate out the two topics...in fact most people dont mention the positives, just like complaining about the negatives and the differences. human nature I guess. |
_________________
Thoughts & updates about Shanghai On my Blog for more details:Random Thoughts about Living in Shanghai...and more |
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lucyna
Veejay
Joined: Aug 03, 2006
Posts: 2166
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 10:21 AM |
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I am not sure how long it takes to get stable. I have been here for 5 months but I am still in that situation. |
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Magnolia
Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31071
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Sep 29, 2006 - 10:25 AM |
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completely normal stage of culture shock. some days are better than others. sometimes you have the time of your life and wouldn't change a single detail while other days you have to ask yourself why you are so far removed from your sense of normalcy.
takes different people varying amounts of time to stablize. most manage successfully but it depends on work, family, friends, ability to assimiliate/adapt, attitude, expectations, reality and tons of other things. |
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BOYCOTT BENSON SALON |
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travelinjack3
FooJay
Joined: Sep 19, 2005
Posts: 1710
Location: Right Bank
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 10:53 AM |
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Almost 2 years in and it is still very up and down. No place is perfect but the swings from good to bad seem to be more extreme here and more frequent than back home. |
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If the billy goat was Bootsie and the troll was Maceo, then only the Godfather of Soul can really take you to the bridge. |
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ericst29
Reacher
Joined: Nov 28, 2005
Posts: 262
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 11:02 AM |
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I have the same feeling Magnolia talks about; the differences between good and bad feelings are huge. Even after staying here already more than one year. This feeling never occured to me in Europe. I don't wanna loose my 'good European Habbits' (but, are they really good as i always thought they were?), and want to adapt in this society, but still feel as an outsider all the time.
It feels like living a bubble with my fellow expat friends and It makes me feel living a very 'flat' live; going out, have dinner, have drinks were great in the beginning but are not that new and surprising anymore and the 'expat conversations' are more boring and i am aware of the fact that part of that is on me !
So stabilizing won't probably never work for people like me and even make me consider of taking next steps ! |
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bellabella
Gypsy Queen
Joined: Aug 03, 2004
Posts: 14989
Location: London
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 02:58 PM |
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been here nealy 3 years and it's still very up and down, and at the moment the ups aren't good enough reasons for me to stay, but it's different for everyone, i know some people who love it here! |
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tribal99
Newbie
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Posts: 9
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 03:38 PM |
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first 6 months i found myself feeling almost constantly irritated and angry at the whole scheme of things, i think it was frustration; coming from being unable to communicate to anybody, and many people making assumptions about what i want or need. just completely cut off. now not so bad. |
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Snazee
Talker
Joined: Sep 25, 2006
Posts: 96
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 04:41 PM |
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How did you get it to be not so Bad Tribal99??????/ |
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Tutoughforu
Seeker
Joined: Sep 21, 2006
Posts: 73
Location: in your face
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 04:43 PM |
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beer? |
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it's on now! |
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dlaw
Raver
Joined: Aug 31, 2006
Posts: 477
Location: Xu Jia Hui
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 04:57 PM |
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I still feel irritated and frustrated easily after 9 months here.
But I guess I am getting 'better'. I don't immediately swear when people pushed me when I was walking, or spit in front of me. It is 'part' of life over here. I accepted it. |
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yyfamily
Ranter
Joined: Apr 25, 2005
Posts: 578
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Sep 29, 2006 - 08:20 PM |
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| travelinjack3 wrote: |
| Almost 2 years in and it is still very up and down. No place is perfect but the swings from good to bad seem to be more extreme here and more frequent than back home. |
I am so glad that Stirling started this thread. I feel the very up and very down frequently even though I have been here for more than a year. This week in particular is hitting the bottom. (I didn't feel this way when I lived in 2 other foreign countries before.) I thought I had problem in Shanghai and almost booked myself a trip to the doctor's office. I am glad to know that I am not the only one.
Now that we are relieved to know we are not alone feeling this way. What can/should we do next to help ourselves and each others???
My husband has lesser issues living in China because he talked himself to lower his expectations and hold double standards on ethics. I can't do so now. Will I be able to do so after I stay here longer? Who knows?! |
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andyfff
Rocker
Joined: July 03, 2005
Posts: 680
Status: Offline
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Sep 29, 2006 - 09:19 PM |
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I have lived in two other foreign countries, and the ups and downs were worse there than here. I don't think it is the place as much as it is the person. You have to have a sense of humor about it all, and lowering your expectations doesn't hurt either. I acutally found myself feeling more moody when I lived in Texas (a foreign country all it's own by the way.) Sitting in rush hour traffic on I-35 behind an SUV with a Bush/Cheney bumpersticker makes you question what the hell you are doing with your life in the first place...
As far as what we can do, I don't think it is anything that comes from outside. It has to be a coping mechanism that you have inside yourself, just make a promise to not get upset when **** happens. Take deep breaths, drink relaxing tea, find your own mantra or way to keep from freaking out. It is different for everyone.
Andy |
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rxg
Raver
Joined: Sep 06, 2005
Posts: 446
Status: Offline
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Sep 30, 2006 - 12:13 AM |
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Been here for 1 year and 3 weeks, still feeling ups and downs.
More moody in the winter when the apartment is cold. Very moody when things are not conveniant as it is at home (SF/ NYC). Moody when travel for work at China airports (very often - weekly).
One good thing living in Sh is to meet and be friends with Expats from other countries and made some good friends. |
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yu888
Board Deity
Joined: Jan 25, 2003
Posts: 17971
Location: ZhongShanParkArea SH
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Sep 30, 2006 - 12:55 AM |
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The downs have been mostly living here alone while family is in US.
Frustrations due to cultural gap and different levels of expectations
The need to redifine minimum expectations of common sense and common courtesy was a long drawn out process.
I would agree that lowering expectations to ones reasonable to a developing third world country with a recent destruction of culture will help incoming expats cope better, especially if you are one that needs to deal with the real world as opposed to living in a compound surrounded by translators, drivers and only other expats.
The plusses include:
much cheaper cost of living
a simpler way of life and less stressful than the pace for me at home in Silicon Valley
no need to own a car, though I do miss driving
great opportunity to learn so much about a different society anc culture
amazing opportunity to look for new career growth ideas
having met and maintained friendships with people from all over the world who are here or exploring SHanghai and sharing those expereinces
to me the pluses outweigh the minuses despite my needing to take a pay cut to be here. |
_________________
Thoughts & updates about Shanghai On my Blog for more details:Random Thoughts about Living in Shanghai...and more |
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Pablo_Picasso
Board Royalty
Joined: May 05, 2006
Posts: 6715
Location: Spain you bloody idiots.
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Sep 30, 2006 - 12:58 AM |
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Been here five years and it's still shiit.
Go back home is my best advice. |
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Well some people try to pick up girls And get called assholes This never happened to Pablo Picasso |
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margarita
Reacher
Joined: July 13, 2004
Posts: 291
Status: Offline
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Sep 30, 2006 - 06:45 AM |
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normal.. we lived in shanghai for 8 yrs and still had crazy moments one day and others were great!
we decided to move back to the states 1 1/2 yrs ago yet we miss shanghai very much and hope to be back one day..
enjoy it because the chinese culture gets under your skin and can never be erased... (this is a positive comment) |
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lucyna
Veejay
Joined: Aug 03, 2006
Posts: 2166
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Sep 30, 2006 - 09:50 AM |
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| Quote: |
The plusses include:
much cheaper cost of living
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Really? For me it's not cheap at all. |
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bellabella
Gypsy Queen
Joined: Aug 03, 2004
Posts: 14989
Location: London
Status: Offline
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Sep 30, 2006 - 09:53 AM |
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well i guess it depends what you compare it to |
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Stirling
Reacher
Joined: Aug 30, 2006
Posts: 215
Location: Jing An
Status: Offline
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Sep 30, 2006 - 10:22 AM |
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I think as you end up drinking more and socialising more, this is where costs add up
if you are here for a short time, the place you sleep will never be home.... |
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hammerforlife
Fire-eater
Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: 2701
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Sep 30, 2006 - 10:54 AM |
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| bellabella wrote: |
| well i guess it depends what you compare it to |
It does indeed. For me I lived in secondary cities in China for 5 years before I came to Shanghai. So suddenly for me everything became much easier. I could find pretty much everything to buy etc and the culture in Shanghai was much more westernised than where I had been before.
However I can understand the difficulties if someone came straight to Shanghai from say Western Europe or the States. |
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Soraya
Talker
Joined: Apr 22, 2006
Posts: 82
Location: London
Status: Offline
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Sep 30, 2006 - 12:48 PM |
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| Post subject: I wonder.... |
Do you think this is something locals feel too though?
This whole city seems to made up of extremes...architecture, pace, economy growth, poverty, homelessness....
It's not an easy 'normal' environment.
Maybe this environment is reflected onto us and then we project it back through our emotions....
In essence...as soon as the city starts to stabalise...then maybe we can....
Give it between 5-10 years I say.... |
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lucyna
Veejay
Joined: Aug 03, 2006
Posts: 2166
Status: Offline
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Sep 30, 2006 - 01:13 PM |
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After 5 - 10 years time, how many people in today's forum will be still in SH? I do hope it gets stabalised soon rather than late. |
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yyfamily
Ranter
Joined: Apr 25, 2005
Posts: 578
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Sep 22, 2007 - 03:16 AM |
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| yyfamily wrote: |
| travelinjack3 wrote: |
| Almost 2 years in and it is still very up and down. No place is perfect but the swings from good to bad seem to be more extreme here and more frequent than back home. |
I am so glad that Stirling started this thread. I feel the very up and very down frequently even though I have been here for more than a year. This week in particular is hitting the bottom. (I didn't feel this way when I lived in 2 other foreign countries before.) I thought I had problem in Shanghai and almost booked myself a trip to the doctor's office. I am glad to know that I am not the only one.
My husband has lesser issues living in China because he talked himself to lower his expectations and hold double standards on ethics. I can't do so now. Will I be able to do so after I stay here longer? Who knows?! |
Wow, can't believe I spotted this post of mine written almost a year ago. Not sure if Stirling is still in Shanghai, but the good news I wanted to share is: "time does help!!!" Been to Shanghai two years now, the ups and downs are much fewer than a year ago. Not that the outside factors (things that used to bug me) have changed, but I myself have learned to see things differently, lower my expectations, how not to get bothered and how to laugh things off. I'm enjoying my life here more and more everyday!
Hope this encourage folks who are going through ups and downs alot living here. |
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ThomasCaron
Raver
Joined: Dec 11, 2006
Posts: 472
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Sep 22, 2007 - 06:40 AM |
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It would be interesting to see a survey addressing the issue of who is living in Shanghai because they were sent here for a finite stay, vs. who is here by choice for the "experience," (say, to teach for a year or two), vs. those expats who for whatever reason were drawn to live here and wouldn't want to be anyplace else. Clearly if you are counting the days before you can go back home it's going to color your perception of the culture. |
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