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Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11432
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:16 PM
A woman goes into the supermarket and puts her shopping on the conveyor belt. One roll of toilet paper, a half pint of milk, three eggs, two apples and two yoghurts.
"Oh" the cashier says "You must be single"
The woman blushes and replies "How did you know, is it because I only buy a few things like that ?"
"No", goes the cashier , "You're fcuking ugly"
_________________ Beer...Soooo much more than just breakfast www.justbeer.cn
SirFiddler Board Legend
Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11432
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:19 PM
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist. So she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang aid, "OK, take off your crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fast back to me." So she did.
Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your probrem vewy bad, you haf, 'Ed Zachary' Disease, worse case I ever see, dat why you not haf sex or dates."
Confused, the woman asked, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, "Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."
_________________ Beer...Soooo much more than just breakfast www.justbeer.cn
sienna Low Seater
Joined: July 17, 2006
Posts: 3420
Location: kiss my ass
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:20 PM
that's just..................wrong, i did laugh though
seriously, apparently from what I've seen, ugly girls are in relationships, while the goodlooking ones are single. at least in shanghai.
_________________ <-- a different girly Shanghai blog
Last edited by sienna on July 03, 2008 - 04:22 PM; edited 1 time in total
SirFiddler Board Legend
Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11432
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:20 PM
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night with Paddy the Pilot and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is".
You're not fookin kiddin Paddy", replied Shamus.
"Dis is gonna be one a de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy.
"You're not fookin kiddin Paddy", replied Shamus.
"Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus "And den ye put de flaps down straightaway" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy
I be doing dat already" replied Shamus. So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul.
Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life".
Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how Fookin wide it is".
_________________ Beer...Soooo much more than just breakfast www.justbeer.cn
oh_the_darkness Fire-eater
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Posts: 2528
Status: Offline
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:20 PM
What's black and blue, bleeding and doesn't like to have sex?
A rape victim.
_________________ And you may ask yourself Am I right? ...am I wrong? And you may tell yourself My god!...what have I done?
SirFiddler Board Legend
Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11432
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:20 PM
A German guy approaches a prostitute and says, "I vish to buy sex vit you."
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour."
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky." So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her elbows and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans und knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs.
"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She find this odd, but it's harmless, and after all the guy is paying well. The sex is fantastic.
She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has recovered the breath to say:
"That was totally amazing, where did you learn how to do that?"
"Ah," says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"
_________________ Beer...Soooo much more than just breakfast www.justbeer.cn
SirFiddler Board Legend
Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11432
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:22 PM
The little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. "Not yet" said the little boy.
His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. He goes to feed the chickens ... and he kicks the chicken. He goes to feed the cows........ and he kicks the cow. He goes to feed the pigs....... and he kicks the pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick the chickens, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk."
His father comes down for breakfast, and he accidentally kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother and says "Are you going to tell him, or should I?
_________________ Beer...Soooo much more than just breakfast www.justbeer.cn
oh_the_darkness Fire-eater
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Posts: 2528
Status: Offline
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:26 PM
No work this afternoon, Fids?
_________________ And you may ask yourself Am I right? ...am I wrong? And you may tell yourself My god!...what have I done?
SirFiddler Board Legend
Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11432
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:28 PM
multitasking
_________________ Beer...Soooo much more than just breakfast www.justbeer.cn
sienna Low Seater
Joined: July 17, 2006
Posts: 3420
Location: kiss my ass
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:28 PM
didnt get the joke? he's not getting any pusssssy (i didnt mean kitty) or what? i really dont understand that joke, please explain
_________________ <-- a different girly Shanghai blog
oh_the_darkness Fire-eater
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Posts: 2528
Status: Offline
Posted:
July 03, 2008 - 04:32 PM
Oh Sienna..................................
_________________ And you may ask yourself Am I right? ...am I wrong? And you may tell yourself My god!...what have I done?
Friggin hell woman. I really did shag you senseless.
Yes, he kicked the Pussssssy so he is not getting any.
Get Naked
Reginald Reagan
_________________ Go and get stuffed the lot of youse... now get me a KB woman...
SirFiddler Board Legend
Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11432
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
Posted:
July 04, 2008 - 03:45 PM
On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword
puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and
said,
"What's a four -letter word ending in "unt" which means "woman"?
The bishop said,
"Did you try "aunt"?
The Pope said,
"Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?"
_________________ Beer...Soooo much more than just breakfast www.justbeer.cn
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11432
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
Posted:
July 25, 2008 - 10:47 AM
will have to check from home, youtube don't work no more from here....
_________________ Beer...Soooo much more than just breakfast www.justbeer.cn
oh_the_darkness Fire-eater
Joined: Apr 17, 2008
Posts: 2528
Status: Offline
Posted:
July 25, 2008 - 10:49 AM
What, you mean from work?
Fcking cheek of these people. Still at least you can still post on ShEx just to kill time ,eh?
_________________ And you may ask yourself Am I right? ...am I wrong? And you may tell yourself My god!...what have I done?
Magnolia Board Biatch
Joined: June 01, 2004
Posts: 31071
Posted:
July 25, 2008 - 10:51 AM
While The C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc...
Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan '.
An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?'
When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'
'Yes,' said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'
'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'
'That's another thing, Sarge,' said the crew member,
'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit' 'It's The Box Office'
_________________ BOYCOTT BENSON SALON
SnappySammy Shanghai Royalty
Joined: Nov 01, 2007
Posts: 9729
Status: Offline
Posted:
July 26, 2008 - 11:36 PM
Post subject: Shanghai Government Offical
Says the Shed is being investigated for it's policy of ONE AMERICAN IN ONE AMERICAN OUT. This may not be illegal, However The Government offical stated they want to shut it down, unless they change the policy, because the local woman want American men and not their Aussie cousins...
As reported today in the Shanghai Daily..
_________________ Yank My Doodle It's A Dandy
SnappySammy Shanghai Royalty
Joined: Nov 01, 2007
Posts: 9729
Status: Offline
Posted:
July 26, 2008 - 11:41 PM
Post subject: American Men Voted Sexiest
In Todays China Daily it was reported American men were voted sexiest, men in China. This was a country wide vote.....over 200 million Chinese woman voted......
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