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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
May 09, 2008 - 11:14 AM |
 
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Funny sign... |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
May 12, 2008 - 08:08 AM |
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One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife.
Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.
They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, “Honey, have you seen my other shoe?” |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 13, 2008 - 08:01 AM |
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What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
They're usually intended for the children, but it's the men who end up playing with them. |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 13, 2008 - 08:48 AM |
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This concerns elderly couple who were married, but not to each other. The man was 50 and the woman 25 years younger, but for true love, age is not a barrier.
The couple went to a nearby small town named Oakridge and visited the only psychiatrist. By the very nature of their profession, psychiatrists hear extraordinary statements, but the psychiatrist was surprised when the couple asked him to watch them make love and comment on their technique. He agreed, and the couple undressed slowly, kissed and cuddled for about 10 minutes before getting onto his couch. There, after another 10 minutes of foreplay, they made love gently and with much affection before satisfying each other.
When asked for his opinion, the psychiatrist said, “It was beautiful to watch and your technique is flawless. I hope I will be like that in 30 years’ time.” “Can we come back again next week?” asked the couple, and he agreed. This went on for 10 weeks until the psychiatrist became curious. “Why do you always come here when it is unnecessary?” “Well,” said the man, “if we go to a motel, it is likely we will be seen and it costs $75. If we come here, we are safe, it costs only $50 and I get $40 back from Medicare.” |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 14, 2008 - 08:59 AM |
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What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 15, 2008 - 01:23 PM |
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A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!" |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 16, 2008 - 08:43 AM |
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Bobbitt Family Update
In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella,
Was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago.
Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage.
The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable
Condition, and Louella has been charged with ......
?
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A Misdewiener! |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 19, 2008 - 09:13 AM |
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It's not how you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm
Unknown |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 19, 2008 - 09:14 AM |
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If you lay down with dogs you get up with fleas.
Unknown |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 19, 2008 - 09:17 AM |
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One day, a man and his daughter were walking down the street when they see a dog lying on the ground with its feet up in the air. The dog was obviously dead. The little girl turned to her father and asked what was wrong with the dog. Her father replied, "The dog is dead, his feet are up in the air so that the good Lord can come down and take the dog to heaven."
The next day when the dad came home from work, his daughter came running up to him and told him that Mommy had almost died! To this he replied, "How do you know that sweetie?"
She said, "Well, she was laying on the couch with her legs up in the air screaming 'Oh Lord, I'm coming' and if it weren't for the mailman the Lord would have come and took her up to heaven!" |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 20, 2008 - 08:22 AM |
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It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.
"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your boobs," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?"
At first she declined but finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down.
"Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her.
This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage.
The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in.
"Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell *HIM*, you have a headache!" |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 21, 2008 - 08:35 AM |
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A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!" |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 22, 2008 - 09:20 AM |
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A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and asked: 'Now Maria, why do you Want a
pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The
first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora, the gardener did.'
SHE GOT THE RAISE !! |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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sbergman
Veejay
Joined: Sep 12, 2007
Posts: 2124
Status: Offline
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May 22, 2008 - 10:48 AM |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai
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May 22, 2008 - 01:33 PM |
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A Man's Vocabulary
I'm hungry = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired = I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
Nice dress! = Nice chest!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
I love you. = Let's have sex now.
I love you, too. = Okay, I said it ... We'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = Okay, I said it ... We'd better have sex now!
Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(While shopping): I like that one better. = Pick any bloody dress and let's go home and have sex! |
_________________
功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/ |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai
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May 22, 2008 - 01:41 PM |
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Why Men Can Pee Standing Up
God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over.
He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve so He thought He might just as well ask them.
He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up.
"It's a very handy thing," God told them,"and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."
Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a mand should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like an excited little boy.
Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up.
Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feed away - laughing with delight all the while.
God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left."
"What's it called?" asked Eve.
"Brains," said God. |
_________________
功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/ |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
May 22, 2008 - 02:27 PM |
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There are two kinds of women, those who want power in the world and those who want power in bed.
Jackie Onassis |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
May 22, 2008 - 02:30 PM |
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Oral Sex: the taste of things to come
Unknown |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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That_Chinese_Girl
SuperStar
Joined: Oct 08, 2007
Posts: 1314
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May 22, 2008 - 05:34 PM |
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I love how Nathalie's jokes in this thread are actually intelligible.  |
_________________
Objectivity is the male subjectivity. |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 23, 2008 - 09:15 AM |
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Subject: UCLA study
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her life cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
May 23, 2008 - 01:49 PM |
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Choosing A Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more a attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs. |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6205
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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May 26, 2008 - 08:41 AM |
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A man and his wife are shagging
Fifteen minutes has passed, 30 minutes, then 45 minutes.
Sweat is pouring off both of them. The wife finally looks up and says, "What's the matter, darling, can't you think of anyone else, either |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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sbergman
Veejay
Joined: Sep 12, 2007
Posts: 2124
Status: Offline
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May 26, 2008 - 08:50 AM |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai
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May 26, 2008 - 12:11 PM |
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Things it Took Will and Guy 50 Years to Learn
wisdom does not come cheap, therefore, I am not sure why Will and I are giving you these one line jokes for free.
Will and I have yet to find anybody who can give us a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks forward every spring.
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
The one activity that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we EACH believe that we are above-average drivers.
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
The main accomplishment of almost all organised prοtests is to annoy people who are not in them.
If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
You should not confuse your career with your life
(i.e., never confuse having a career with having a life!).
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Your friends love you, anyway. |
_________________
功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/ |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai
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May 26, 2008 - 12:12 PM |
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Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About
At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
You mean the world to someone.
If not for you, someone may not be living.
You are special and unique.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great |
_________________
功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/ |
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