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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
July 16, 2008 - 08:19 AM |
 
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A Greek and an Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”
The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics”
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”
The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.” |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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July 18, 2008 - 08:15 AM |
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An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She’s chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.
Don’t worry about that,” says St. Peter, “It’s only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for the wings.”
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams.
“Oh my God,” says the old lady, “now what is happening?”
“Not to worry,” says St. Peter, “She’s just having her head drilled to fit the halo.”
“I can’t do this,” says the old lady, “I’m going to hell instead.”
”You can’t go there!” says St. Peter.
“You’ll be raped and taken advantage of.”
”Maybe so,” says the old lady, “but I’ve already got the holes for that.” |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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July 19, 2008 - 10:25 AM |
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ONE day, a conversation between a young man and his grandfather was heard…
The young man said, Grandpa, your generation didn’t have all these social diseases. You didn’t have AIDS during your time. What did you wear to have safe sex?”
The grandfather smiled, “A wedding ring.” |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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July 21, 2008 - 08:35 AM |
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Husband: “Dear, to me... you are the 8th Wonder of the World!”
Wife: “You, son-of-a-bitch!! Don’t you ever, EVER, let me catch you with the other seven!” |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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July 23, 2008 - 12:53 PM |
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A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.
"Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better, your ear or your finger?" |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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July 25, 2008 - 08:41 AM |
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You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
July 28, 2008 - 09:32 AM |
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The Voice
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the heck were you when
I got married?" |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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July 29, 2008 - 08:49 AM |
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Ten Years Without Parole
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the breaking news on the six o'clock program.
Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.
Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell.
His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for-nothing bum! Where the heck have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago." |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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July 30, 2008 - 08:44 AM |
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What do UFOs and caring men have in common?
You keep hearing about them but you never see any for yourself. |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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July 31, 2008 - 08:41 AM |
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Beware of an angry ex... |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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Aug 01, 2008 - 09:11 AM |
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careful...of women scorned... |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai
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Aug 01, 2008 - 09:19 AM |
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| careful...of women scorned... |
but it is far much better than shooting someone in front of his toilet, I have to say~~~~~~~ |
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功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/ |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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Aug 02, 2008 - 10:19 AM |
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angry exes...careful |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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Aug 04, 2008 - 08:32 AM |
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super angry exes...careful |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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Aug 04, 2008 - 08:33 AM |
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super angry exes...careful |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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huangheilong
Seeker
Joined: Oct 31, 2006
Posts: 61
Status: Offline
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Aug 04, 2008 - 06:35 PM |
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The oldest one ever posted on this forum:
Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?" "No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was."
(Credited to the Emporer Augustus 63 BC - 29 AD) |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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Aug 05, 2008 - 09:28 AM |
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super angry exes... |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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kamote
Reacher
Joined: May 21, 2005
Posts: 358
Location: shanghai
Status: Offline
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Aug 05, 2008 - 02:48 PM |
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Marriage requires a person to prepare 4 types of "Rings": Engagement Ring Wedding Ring, Suffering, Enduring
They have come up with a perfect understanding. He won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.
You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.
He early on let her know who is the boss. He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward.
Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.
Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.
Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. |
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something nice... |
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kamote
Reacher
Joined: May 21, 2005
Posts: 358
Location: shanghai
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Aug 05, 2008 - 03:10 PM |
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Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake. - Elbert Hubbard
All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. - Raymond Hull
Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. - St. Jerome
Marriage is a mistake every man should make. - George Jessel |
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something nice... |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Aug 06, 2008 - 08:52 AM |
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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.”
The little boy replied, ‘My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.’
The priest looked up from his book and answered, “I am the Father of many.”
The boy said, “My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way!”
The priest, getting impatient, said. “I am the Father of hundreds,” and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, “Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.” |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Aug 07, 2008 - 05:40 PM |
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Angry exes |
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37.01 KB |
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400 Time(s) |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Aug 07, 2008 - 05:41 PM |
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very angry.... |
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42.31 KB |
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399 Time(s) |
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what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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Aug 11, 2008 - 08:28 AM |
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WALLY'S WEDDING NIGHT
At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their
wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because
she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert
himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and
the expected 'knock' on the door.
Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally,
her 85 year old groom, ready for action.
They unite as one.
All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to
go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom
door, and it's Wally.
Again he is ready for more 'action.'
Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling.
When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a
fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is
back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old,
ready for more 'action.'
And, once again they enjoy each other.
But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him,
'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so
well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your
age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: ......'You
mean I was here already?'
The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, senior
moments have advantages. |
_________________
what is moral is what you feel good after, and what is immoral is what you feel bad after |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai
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Aug 11, 2008 - 03:06 PM |
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Why does a man prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
Why does a man like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
How is a man like a snowstorm?
Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.
What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing. |
_________________
功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/ |
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Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 6267
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Aug 12, 2008 - 09:13 AM |
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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. | | |
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