| Author |
Message |
janlynn
Wonder Wit
Joined: July 19, 2005
Posts: 3866
|
 Posted:
Nov 12, 2009 - 06:18 AM |
 
|
|
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as
a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a
gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used
the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.....
> |
_________________
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead |
|
|
|
janlynn
Wonder Wit
Joined: July 19, 2005
Posts: 3866
|
| Posted:
Nov 12, 2009 - 06:44 AM |
|
|
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> horrible; I look old, fat and
> ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies,
> 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And that's how
> the fight started..... |
_________________
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead |
|
|
|
|
Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 7093
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
|
| Posted:
Nov 12, 2009 - 02:28 PM |
|
|
A husband asked his wife, What do you like most in me, my macho face or my sexy body?
The wife looked at him from head to toe and replied, I like your sense of humor |
_________________
BAD LUCK has always been the excuse of LOSERS!!! |
|
|
|
jeffinflorida
Board Royalty
Joined: Nov 19, 2007
Posts: 7036
Location: Somewhere between Itchy and Scratchy
Status: Offline
|
| Posted:
Nov 15, 2009 - 10:51 AM |
|
|
MISSING NOVA SCOTIAN WIFE:
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. "We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Mounties.
"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.
The Mounties looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."
The second Mountie said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The Mountie continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 6 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 12 good-size lobsters clinging to her.
"Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news???"
The Mountie answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow." |
_________________
Wanker- One who masturbates or is full of themself, egotistical. |
|
 |
|
Juan_Tamad
Board Royalty
Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 7093
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline
|
| Posted:
Nov 18, 2009 - 08:13 AM |
|
|
A lion was getting married.
At his wedding was a mouse shouting away
congratulating the lion "all the best my brother.... good luck....."
Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming the lion getting married is his brother another Lion grabbed the mouse in anger and asked:
"Who the hell do you think you are?
How can a lion be your brother?
You are only a mouse"
The Mouse replied
"I too was a Lion before I got married" |
_________________
BAD LUCK has always been the excuse of LOSERS!!! |
|
|
|
|
Red0
Squeeker
Joined: June 17, 2009
Posts: 11
Status: Offline
|
| Posted:
Nov 20, 2009 - 11:36 AM |
|
| Post subject: Good ones even when repeated in other variations |
| Juan_Tamad wrote: |
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake..
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
( Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying...Go to H.
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.. |
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage. However, man still desperate to get into the “cage” even after advices from those inside who want to get out desperately.
The sweetest thing about marriage is when a man and woman become as one, but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. So, to live happily with your wife, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. On top of that, you should forget your mistakes cause there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Most of the time, silence is gold. If you don’t believe, try to have some words with your wife, for sure she has some paragraphs with you. To make her listen and pay attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep!
Undeniable, married men could live longer than single men. But don’t forget married men are a lot more willing to die. That’s why people say, “A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife”.
As a conclusion, marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering. A man is incomplete until he is married. Unfortunately he is finished after that.
Source: http://www.monkeywong.com/2007/11/02/married-men/ |
|
|
|
|
|
Red0
Squeeker
Joined: June 17, 2009
Posts: 11
Status: Offline
|
| Posted:
Nov 20, 2009 - 11:40 AM |
|
| Post subject: BEST one yet! |
|
|
|
|
Lacrimas
Reacher
Joined: Oct 15, 2009
Posts: 252
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
|
| Posted:
Nov 20, 2009 - 02:34 PM |
|
|
I was discussing with my girlfriend the other day why, when a guy does a different chick every night, he's called a hero, and a girl that sleeps with two guys in a year is called a slut. I told her that a key that opens many different locks is a master key, while a lock that opens to many different keys is just a shitty lock. She shut up after that... |
_________________
Don't hate the player, hate the game! |
|
|
|
|
Red0
Squeeker
Joined: June 17, 2009
Posts: 11
Status: Offline
|
 Posted:
Nov 20, 2009 - 11:51 PM |
|
| Post subject: OMG! this the BEST line EVER about Society and Gender issue! |
| Lacrimas wrote: |
| I was discussing with my girlfriend the other day why, when a guy does a different chick every night, he's called a hero, and a girl that sleeps with two guys in a year is called a slut. I told her that a key that opens many different locks is a master key, while a lock that opens to many different keys is just a shitty lock. She shut up after that... |
this is the GREATEST Analogy to Female Virtue! I can't think of a comeback line to this one. where did you find this? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
Forum FAQ
Search
Preferences
Watched Topics
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
