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Do western ladies consider money when they select BF/Husband

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ichbinani

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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Posts: 110
Location: shanghai
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 02:33 PM
Post subject: Do western ladies consider money when they select BF/Husband

I haver read a lot the discussion about Chinese girls.

Can you please share some information with a Chinese about the western world ?

My question is :

Do western women consider the finacila status of the guy when they choose BF/husabnd?

If yes, generally what are their requirment?

If no, what will they consider?

flyingwings

Barker

Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 148

Status: Offline

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 02:45 PM
Post subject: Re: Do western ladies consider money when they select BF/Hus

i am also interested in your topic..

waiting for the answer...

family background? education? good appearance? career? sex?

so western girl includes: blonde, latin, black or what else...

ichbinani wrote:

ichbinani

Talker

Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Posts: 110
Location: shanghai
Status: Offline

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 03:32 PM
Post subject: Do western ladies consider money when they select BF/Husband

I haver read a lot the discussion about Chinese girls.

Can you please share some information with a Chinese about the western world ?

My question is :

Do western women consider the financial status of the guy when they choose BF/husabnd?

If yes, generally what are their requirment?

If no, what will they consider?

RocoDundee

Newbie

Joined: June 05, 2008
Posts: 6

Status: Offline

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 03:43 PM

In general, and painting with a wide brush, I'd say the answer is yes, Western women (the American variety, to be specific) tend to be very concerned with the financial status of the men that court them. Not all women, perhaps, but most. But, the answer also depends on the social status, personality, and upbringing of the female in question. There is no concrete answer.

As for requirements, that also varies. Some women just want to be sure that a prospective husband has enough upward mobility to afford raising a family. Other women don't want to have to work, so they can spend half their day at the spa and the other half buying shoes at the mall.

Geography plays a role too. I happen to live in a very materialistic city, where women have perfected the art of gold-digging. They aren't even ashamed of it, either. I've had women ask me, in my first minute of conversation with them, what kind of car I drive, and then ask to see the keys as proof. On a first date, it is not uncommon to have women ask more questions about your job and professional ambition than about your hobbies and experiences. It is also not uncommon where I live for women of very limited wealth to spend thousands of dollars they can't afford on breast implants, liposuction, plastic surgery, clothing, jewelry, tanning, and nails so they can compete with other gold-diggers to catch the best men.

Hope that helps some.

boredengineer

SuperStar

Joined: Oct 17, 2007
Posts: 1344
Location: Shanghai
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 03:54 PM

You can't generalize all women, but I'll try anyways. I'd say yes it always comes into consideration, but the effect of that consideration depends on each person. It would be stupid not to consider it. You are thinking about entering a lifelong partnership, you should think about everything that will affect either of your lives.

flyingwings

Barker

Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 148

Status: Offline

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 03:56 PM

oh yeah...pretty details. tks
so apparently, all women in this world share the certain quality...it doesn't matter chinese...american..white or black...

some of them are nice...care about life and love ..some of them are gold-digger...materialistic ...

so hereby, all guys here, please don't have any bias ' shanghainese ' girl... blah blah blah...

i get sick of the bad comments

gabriela.marunova

Lurker

Joined: June 23, 2008
Posts: 30

Status: Offline

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 03:59 PM

It is marriage or partnership some business for Chinese girls? When I see mixed couples on the street, I think, big business!

He must be sympathic and winsome to me, gentleman, have a "spark in the eye". I think, we have to have the same imagination about future, life, children..., the same temperament... And a little bit he have to have some prehistorical qualities - he must be able to take care about family (moral and also financially) as primaeval man was able to hunt for animals. Do you know, what I mean?
I´m not interesting about wallet of my partner. And I don´t want be depend on his money. We have to be salaried life peer, but in some cases he have to be stronger and dominant (he is man!) An inspiration for me. And I inspiration for him.

dr3x320

Rocker

Joined: Nov 21, 2006
Posts: 638
Location: Boston + Pudong
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 04:13 PM

Hey Nathalie, you know you don't have to hide under another name, its ok, there are support groups for things like this.

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hammerforlife
Fire-eater

Joined: May 24, 2004
Posts: 2701

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 04:18 PM

I'm sure the usual tired stereotypes will be stated here that "Chinese girls are all gold diggers etc" and western girls marry for love etc. Of course all generalisations are wrong. People get together for many reasons and lots of issues are considered. In the poorer regions then financial factors are often considered as these are important when raising a family. That is not "gold digging" its just a reality of life for those that do not have the luxury of state support for kids / education etc.

The OP was asking about western women. Some / many will consider the financial status of a guy. Not the first factor usually though. Most western women will say that compatibility / love etc is the most important thing but these are the same women that will get divorced when one partner states that the romantic love is no longer there. Its is these feelings based relationships that is one reason why many western countries have a high divorce rate.

icyfrosty

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Joined: Nov 25, 2006
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 04:21 PM

dr3x320 wrote:

Hey Nathalie, you know you don't have to hide under another name, its ok, there are support groups for things like this.

LOL!! I think you are right - she does sound exactly like the infamous Natalie25.

seph_07
Fire-eater

Joined: June 23, 2006
Posts: 2744

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 04:54 PM

dr3x320 wrote:

Hey Nathalie, you know you don't have to hide under another name, its ok, there are support groups for things like this.

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Veejay
Veejay

Joined: June 17, 2005
Posts: 1909
Location: Amsterdam/Shanghai

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 05:05 PM

Hammer,

You brought up a very interesting point and one that may totally explain the differences in culture between east and west when it comes to marriage.

Western Couples
Usually love/good looks are high on the list when choosing a mate so when either is unfaithful or either loses their good looks, i.e. gets fat, bald etc. then they are often quick to divorce. Money is not a major factor where no-one is going to starve to death or the kids go uneducated. Both partners would not have much trouble to find another partner in their their 30's 40's 50's even older.
As they age, companionship is often more important than stunning good looks.

With Chinese couples the girl may put security/money further up the list - sure if she can have love as well that's great - hence shanghai girls are not interested much in guys from the countryside of lower social/economic status than themselves.
Guys look for the best looking/best family girl that will have them.
After marriage, because love is not always top of the list the girl is happy with a nice house, car etc. Perhaps this is why she is not that bothered if her husband has one or more mistresses. Chinese do not divorce as readily (not yet) as western couples.

This might actually explain an awful lot.............................

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Veejay
Veejay

Joined: June 17, 2005
Posts: 1909
Location: Amsterdam/Shanghai

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 05:17 PM

To answer the OP,

I would have no problem marrying a guy with no money, no house, no car.
In a partner I seek the ability to be great friends, to be soul mates and to have a healthy sex life.

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Jimmy_Floyd

Barker

Joined: Jan 11, 2008
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 05:26 PM

Aren't divorce rates higher among more financially secure couples? Surely one of the major factors in the higher rate of divorce in the West in recent years is that people generally lead more comfortable lives than they used to (ok, I'm sure there are other things like emancipation and what have you, but still...) You are less likely to get divorced if you are having to struggle every day to get by, or at least I would imagine this to be the case. When times are hard people might be more in need of the solidarity and security of marriage.

I don't know, am I right in this at all? I've never really looked into it, or even thought about it before, but it seems likely doesn't it?

Not really sure whether this relates to the OP's question, so I would say, for boyfriends, not really, for husbands, possibly more so. I mean, there's love and all that, but there has to be at least a degree of pragmatism involved as well I would have thought.

Also, I'm not a woman, so I don't really know why I'm even bothering to answer. Must be bored

dr3x320

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Joined: Nov 21, 2006
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 05:27 PM

Back on topic, "Typically" Western culture does not see getting into a is for financial benefits, usually its for mutual benefits not regarding money, or material wealth. But more with personal feelings and emotions. But then again, every culture has its quircks/pros n cons.

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ichbinani

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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Posts: 110
Location: shanghai
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 05:50 PM

well... maybe i should make some adjustment of my question...

It is not only about money... it is about all the pragmatic aspect....

like whether this guy is promising will be a question a girl will ask when she is considering him as a husband....

ichbinani

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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 05:54 PM

i remembered i watched an American movie. The mother critized the daughter" you should care more about a guy's ambition rather than the size of his ass..." I feel curious about this since then...

ichbinani

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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Posts: 110
Location: shanghai
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 06:00 PM

gabriela.marunova wrote:

It is marriage or partnership some business for Chinese girls? When I see mixed couples on the street, I think, big business!

First, I have read enough comments on Chinese girls. Thank you, but no more.

Second, why ask this question? Obviously you have already got your preassumption which sounds quite irritating to me.

underh20
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Joined: Sep 27, 2006
Posts: 9887
Location: EOA Seminar

Posted: June 26, 2008 - 06:05 PM

ichbinani wrote:

i remembered i watched an American movie. The mother critized the daughter" you should care more about a guy's ambition rather than the size of his ass..." I feel curious about this since then...

Why? Do you also find yourself looking at a guy's ass?

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ichbinani

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Joined: Sep 07, 2006
Posts: 110
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 06:13 PM

underh20 wrote:

ichbinani wrote:

i remembered i watched an American movie. The mother critized the daughter" you should care more about a guy's ambition rather than the size of his ass..." I feel curious about this since then...

Why? Do you also find yourself looking at a guy's ass?

i focus more on the front.

When i heard it from movie, i thought maybe at least some women care about those practical stuff too. After all America is a quite practical country , right? No intention to insult anyone, just feel curious...

Michael

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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 06:15 PM

The biggies in marital incompatibility are money, sex, and child raising. I think some version of these issues are cross cultural...just the way they are played out might be cultural. I don't think its just a western thing or a chinese thing to consider the practical money issues in a potential partner, but the degree to which its openly talked about or considered might be cultural.

Actually, if someone is considering someone as a husband or wife, I should hope they would have this discussion. I am sure, spoken or unspoken, it goes into the mix of factors for consideration. Stupid not to. When you marry someone, you take on the good things, the dreams and possibilities, and the bad things. If you do not talk about where the money will come from to build your dreams, its a guaranteed problem that will come out sometime.

I see this financial consultant lady on TV sometimes. She is full of stories of people calling with problems because they married someone and found out they have huge credit card debt, spend money like its going out of style, or just plain have no sense when it comes to handling money. Or even worse, controlling the purse strings so that one partner has no say or understanding of the financial situation they are both in.

Its not to say everyone should try to marry someone rich and certainly that is no guarantee of marital happiness, but you certainly do not want just jump in and hope for the best without knowing the situation. Your prospective partner might not be tich, but you can tell if they have good habits with handling money, and or the strength of character to make a go of it and build something together. Few good people marry for money.. but in this kind of partnership.. money needs to be clear.

sbergman

Veejay

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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 06:20 PM

It is increasingly uncommon in the West for people with very different educational backgrounds to marry. Generally, people with similar educational backgrounds are in similar economic classes so by limiting ourselves to people who have a similar education, it becomes unnecessary to consider the financial aspect. That said, there is a certain segment of women in the West who definitely look for money or status first. Gold digger certainly isn't an exclusively Chinese concept. I'm pretty sure Melania Knauss didn't marry the Donald for his good looks or charm.

CIA
LoopKicker

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Posts: 890
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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 06:36 PM

Are there gold digging whores in the west ? Sure. Is it the NORM, like here ? No.

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fox007

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Posted: June 26, 2008 - 06:45 PM

I do not know in Europe any girl who has married someone because he was rich (but I know some that did not marry because fiance has debts !) but I believe people tend to get married with people of the same family and educational background. I mean that if you are from a middle class family your wife/husband has more chance to be from middle class and if you are university graduate, you have more chance to have a wife/husband with a graduate level. Basically, you want to be able to "share" something in your eveyday's life.
What do you have to share if husband is old, graduate and rich and woman poor but beautiful ?

From what i can see, very often a woman who want a rich husband in Europe come from a lower class family and she believes that money is a solution of all problems ! In fact, i know more cases when wife comes from a more wealthy family than her husband !
Since there are almost no very poor ppl in Europe (I mean ppl who get up in the morning and are not sure they will be able to eat for lunch) so we know now that "Money is a good servant but a bad master".

I am not sure, this difference between Chinese & European/US women is cultural but maybe just a difference between developing countries/developped countries. In many animal species, female want to have the strongest male to protect and offer them the most chance to survive and grow a nice family. In western Europe/US, females do not need that protection so they do not really need powerful rich males... On the contrary, I am sure if you go to Russia, you will see many poor (and beautiful) women willing to marry rich western husbands in order to get out of their miserable life.