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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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  Posted:
Aug 08, 2008 - 11:50 AM |
 
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| Post subject: Why I'm not feeling at ease to date foreign man here? |
I have no special preference ragarding the color of the man. I like the funny, interesting people who can make me feel at ease.
The problem is, when I am out of China, I feel quite at ease to see the foreign man, doesn't matter he's the local, or someone coming from another country. However, once I get back to Shanghai, I am feeling very bad to be with a foreign man.
Mabe I am just thinking too much. I just doubt their purpose to be with me. I guess they think I am just one of the local gals, I have such a big peer group which makes me feel bad cuz I am no longer unique. I doubt why they picked me as well. Cuz usually nobody cares too much about the gal's job, education, her minds. They only care about if she's that easy to be hooked up. My another concern is, I dun want myself to be as cheap as a bar girl, or whatever. I mean, chicks who can speak english the same fluently, but be with the expats with a different purpose. I mean, I am kinda arrogant to degrade myself to be someone like that esp. when I am the only local to be with all the expats. I guess ppl just think my face will be easily replaced by a same new chinese face soon.(I cannot read their minds, can I?) That's really what I regard as a shame! Or just cuz I know they think the local gals are easily to be hooked up, I really hate this and want to break their myth?
Psychological freak? I cannot figure out why. Maybe I am just worrying too much, being too oversensitive or whatever. That makes me feel very bad and very self-defendant. Just like one of my guyfriend told me, I am trying to build a wall between me and the other ppl. I guess I have screwed several meetings up so far, which makes me feel bad as well.
Is there anybody who can tell me am I thinking in a very incorrect way? Or, how can I find my ease back when meeting some foreign man in my city? |
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freedelia
Rocker
Joined: Nov 27, 2006
Posts: 658
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Aug 08, 2008 - 12:10 PM |
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I think you are right to feel this way. Not to say that there are no good foreign men in Shanghai -- but the general mentality is that foreign guys dating Chinese girls are not serious, that the relationship is not equal, that the girl can be easily replaced. I have a lot of friends who, although the guy is madly in love with them, still feel they have to fight for their relationship with his friends (who always try to "help" him when they have couple problems by suggesting that he find a different girl, or make stupid jokes about her and Chinese people in front of her, etc) Also, in general, both CHinese and foreigners regard Chinese girls dating foreigners as gold diggers and always question their motives.
For an oversensitive person, i think all these adversities are hard to overcome in China. I think you have a very deep and clear understanding of what is going on with you -- an based on what you presented, I think you will not be able to feel at ease dating a foreigner here and especially hanging out with his friends. So, IMO, you have 2 options: either date a CHinese guy here or leave and date a foreigner abroad. |
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Mr Totomolo
Rocker
Joined: June 21, 2008
Posts: 702
Location: Shanghai & Taipei
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 12:32 PM |
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when I am out of China, I feel quite at ease to see the foreign man,
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job, education, her minds. They only care about if she's that easy to be hooked up. My another concern is, I dun want myself to be as cheap as a bar girl
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The problem is not the foreign guys, it is You, and it is You in your city and your country.
Once, I put my fist on a guy in Baoshan Road who muttered a slur when he crossed my wife and me, but otherwise, my wife doesnt give a damn what other chinese people think.
The fact that you are comfortable with a foreign guy outside of China reminds me of a Taiwan lady friend going for a vacation trip to France, and asking me if it was easy to be topless on French beaches. When I said yes, but asked why, she said she wanted to try it, but would never dare to do it at home...  |
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flyingjack
Lurker
Joined: Aug 01, 2008
Posts: 39
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Aug 08, 2008 - 12:35 PM |
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| Post subject: Re: Why I'm not feeling at ease to date foreign man here? |
| authenticdreamer wrote: |
I have no special preference ragarding the color of the man. I like the funny, interesting people who can make me feel at ease.
The problem is, when I am out of China, I feel quite at ease to see the foreign man, doesn't matter he's the local, or someone coming from another country. However, once I get back to Shanghai, I am feeling very bad to be with a foreign man.
Mabe I am just thinking too much. I just doubt their purpose to be with me. I guess they think I am just one of the local gals, I have such a big peer group which makes me feel bad cuz I am no longer unique. I doubt why they picked me as well. Cuz usually nobody cares too much about the gal's job, education, her minds. They only care about if she's that easy to be hooked up. My another concern is, I dun want myself to be as cheap as a bar girl, or whatever. I mean, chicks who can speak english the same fluently, but be with the expats with a different purpose. I mean, I am kinda arrogant to degrade myself to be someone like that esp. when I am the only local to be with all the expats. I guess ppl just think my face will be easily replaced by a same new chinese face soon.(I cannot read their minds, can I?) That's really what I regard as a shame! Or just cuz I know they think the local gals are easily to be hooked up, I really hate this and want to break their myth?
Psychological freak? I cannot figure out why. Maybe I am just worrying too much, being too oversensitive or whatever. That makes me feel very bad and very self-defendant. Just like one of my guyfriend told me, I am trying to build a wall between me and the other ppl. I guess I have screwed several meetings up so far, which makes me feel bad as well.
Is there anybody who can tell me am I thinking in a very incorrect way? Or, how can I find my ease back when meeting some foreign man in my city? |
You think you are cheap. But the poor foreigner men are chased and be surrounded by tons of Chinese gals who are more cheaper than you.
what you gonna do is try to be the cheapest one. then you become unique as you wished.
good luck! |
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Bohica
Reacher
Joined: July 25, 2008
Posts: 292
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Aug 08, 2008 - 12:42 PM |
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I think your feelings are normal. So many gold diggers here and just date the Laowai to get "things". You probably don't want to be thought of like that. But if you are happy , don't worry about the others thoughts. People are in relationships for all different reasons, good and bad. If you can be happy with a guy, any color or race, feel lucky. There ain't that many happy people out there.
Probably stop refering to yourself and your friends as "chicks" might help you not wanting to feel like a bar girl. |
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flyingwings
Barker
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 148
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Aug 08, 2008 - 12:51 PM |
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i think it is really stupid to hook up with a foreign guys to get ' things '. in terms of value for life/money, most guys from hk, taiwan, asian cities are more easy to spend money.
that is to say...when a gold digger meets lao wai = O
the reason i say that is bcos they are tons of chinese girls who want to be with lao wai and chase them around. lai wai don't need to put any efforts on
easy easy
谁叫'物以稀为贵'呢?? |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 12:55 PM |
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| freedelia wrote: |
| For an oversensitive person, i think all these adversities are hard to overcome in China. I think you have a very deep and clear understanding of what is going on with you -- an based on what you presented, I think you will not be able to feel at ease dating a foreigner here and especially hanging out with his friends. So, IMO, you have 2 options: either date a CHinese guy here or leave and date a foreigner abroad. |
Freedelia you are right! I know the delimma awaiting me. But it really makes me feel, sometimes,insulted!
I still remember my conversation about the city with a white guy. I said I dun like this city (Cuz I have been to several places but I dun need to tell that guy) he said: It's very common. Shanghai gals usually dun like the city. They want to go, outside, you know. I didn't say too much about that. NO COMMENT. But, I felt so shamed!
You know what I mean, he just think, maybe you are talking to me, while you are talking to me, you must be aiming at my green card blah blah blah. So, baby, let's do some exchange, you give me your body, I give you a utopia about everything about a foreign man. (Just my assumption)
You know, he jsut think that I am mentally retarded. I feel so shamed.
But another problem is, once you have seen a white man, it's hard to return back to the chinese guy (I guess similar topics coule be found here, so no need to focus on that too much). I am too conservative to those a**h*oles but too open to those local guys as well. It's something like I could been accepted by neither groups. I dun know.
I hanged out with my girl friend who came back for a short holiday from UK couple of days ago. We had a talk about this as well. Both she and I experienced both chinese and foreign guys in different countries. So we went to some place with lots of expats there , but we just had fun with ourselves. Lots of guys looked at us, but we ignored all of them. The feeling is very good, you know what I mean! |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 01:01 PM |
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| Post subject: Re: Why I'm not feeling at ease to date foreign man here? |
| flyingjack wrote: |
You think you are cheap. But the poor foreigner men are chased and be surrounded by tons of Chinese gals who are more cheaper than you.
what you gonna do is try to be the cheapest one. then you become unique as you wished.
good luck! |
In such a case, I guess you are no more expensive than me. |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 01:06 PM |
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| Mr Totomolo wrote: |
The fact that you are comfortable with a foreign guy outside of China reminds me of a Taiwan lady friend going for a vacation trip to France, and asking me if it was easy to be topless on French beaches. When I said yes, but asked why, she said she wanted to try it, but would never dare to do it at home... |
I had this topic discussed with my girl friends as well. We had a consensus to avoid wearing too sexy in most cases here. For one reason,
the men here will stare at you which makes you feel gross and dirty. For another reason, it you want to attract sb, dun necessarily to wear in such a way.
But you are right, I dare not try many things when I'm at home  |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai
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Aug 08, 2008 - 01:23 PM |
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You know what I mean, he just think, maybe you are talking to me, while you are talking to me, you must be aiming at my green card blah blah blah. So, baby, let's do some exchange, you give me your body, I give you a utopia about everything about a foreign man. (Just my assumption)
You know, he jsut think that I am mentally retarded. I feel so shamed.
But another problem is, once you have seen a white man, it's hard to return back to the chinese guy (I guess similar topics coule be found here, so no need to focus on that too much). I am too conservative to those a**h*oles but too open to those local guys as well. It's something like I could been accepted by neither groups. I dun know. |
I like shanghai, because I am a shanghainese, but I am a strange shanghainese, cause after I learned western cultures from my foreign friends, I also have found that my personality just like a little bit westerner to behave as in life, so sometimes some people they don't know what I talking about or what I discuss about in front of them and this makes me upset a lot. I can speak and write very fluent Chinese and I can act as a real chinese when I meet my foreign friends in somewhere, but my thoughts or something may I will deal with( I mean my privacy), it just a westerner and I like making friends in life and just when we meet each other, we just never talk about how they hook up their girls friends or boy friends in those bars or clubs, we never talk about the jokes of sex in those meetings~~~~ |
_________________
功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/
Last edited by Nathalie25 on Aug 08, 2008 - 01:40 PM; edited 1 time in total |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 01:35 PM |
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Thanks Nathalie for your reply. Dun worry too much, I think no one is broadcasting your privacy here. At least, I have no idea about your privacy at all. |
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rayne
Reacher
Joined: May 19, 2008
Posts: 237
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Aug 08, 2008 - 01:35 PM |
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Stop thinking too much. Why give a f.ck what those laowai are thinking of you? As long as you're happy being what you are, it's fine. If you're not with them for a green card. they'll soon realise it. |
_________________
Hai Bai is the good well ambassador of Shanghai Expo. (http://en.expo2010china.com/expo/expoenglish/mascot/Profile/userobject1ai47672.html) --- Get someone to proofread, sha.gua/gang.du! |
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Nathalie25
Board Legend
Joined: Aug 24, 2004
Posts: 10387
Location: Shanghai
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Aug 08, 2008 - 01:38 PM |
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| authenticdreamer wrote: |
| Thanks Nathalie for your reply. Dun worry too much, I think no one is broadcasting your privacy here. At least, I have no idea about your privacy at all. |
then I can drink my becardi now,hehehe,thanks for your kindest reply~~~ |
_________________
功高盖主，必有祸出。人生是人类生命中内心和万般经历的真实写照。 http:/ |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 01:41 PM |
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| Nathalie25 wrote: |
| authenticdreamer wrote: |
| Thanks Nathalie for your reply. Dun worry too much, I think no one is broadcasting your privacy here. At least, I have no idea about your privacy at all. |
then I can drink my becardi now,hehehe,thanks for your kindest reply~~~ |
I dun usually have barcadi as my day drinks. Anyway, seems both you and me are over-sensitive. But that's okay!  |
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flyingwings
Barker
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 148
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 01:53 PM |
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he said: It's very common. Shanghai gals usually dun like the city. They want to go, outside, you know. I didn't say too much about that. NO COMMENT. But, I felt so shamed!
NO NO NO ...
why not like shanghai?? i like shanghai and enjoying living here, travel abroad once in a while is good but still like shanghai not only bcos i was born here but also i have a decent job and can afford a decent living/lifestyle ..shanghai is the 3nd expensive city in the world...some of the girl don't like here, i guess it s bcos they are living in a shitty lifestyle then of course they wanna go abroad and still most of the time they can't find themselves / or totally lost in another country ... same theory
dear all, ppl will only love u bcos u r proud of yourself and ppl will respect your country only if u love your own country ...
so that s why my american bf like me bcos i m proud of myself and i love this city and he sees the differences in between me and others...
girls, respect yourself and your country |
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honest_brutally
Barker
Joined: July 22, 2008
Posts: 157
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 02:37 PM |
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| flyingwings wrote: |
he said: It's very common. Shanghai gals usually dun like the city. They want to go, outside, you know. I didn't say too much about that. NO COMMENT. But, I felt so shamed!
NO NO NO ...
why not like shanghai?? i like shanghai and enjoying living here, travel abroad once in a while is good but still like shanghai not only bcos i was born here but also i have a decent job and can afford a decent living/lifestyle ..shanghai is the 3nd expensive city in the world...some of the girl don't like here, i guess it s bcos they are living in a shitty lifestyle then of course they wanna go abroad and still most of the time they can't find themselves / or totally lost in another country ... same theory
dear all, ppl will only love u bcos u r proud of yourself and ppl will respect your country only if u love your own country ...
so that s why my american bf like me bcos i m proud of myself and i love this city and he sees the differences in between me and others...
girls, respect yourself and your country |
Shanghai is actually rated #24
http://www.finfacts.ie/costofliving.htm
Also to be honest how many of the Shanghai girls and lao wai's are looking for "love" in Shanghai? One side is looking for a way out the other side is looking for a good time. Preaching that stuff you said is a joke. |
Last edited by honest_brutally on Aug 08, 2008 - 03:06 PM; edited 1 time in total |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 02:47 PM |
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| flyingwings wrote: |
he said: It's very common. Shanghai gals usually dun like the city. They want to go, outside, you know. I didn't say too much about that. NO COMMENT. But, I felt so shamed!
NO NO NO ...
why not like shanghai?? i like shanghai and enjoying living here, travel abroad once in a while is good but still like shanghai not only bcos i was born here but also i have a decent job and can afford a decent living/lifestyle ..shanghai is the 3nd expensive city in the world...some of the girl don't like here, i guess it s bcos they are living in a shitty lifestyle then of course they wanna go abroad and still most of the time they can't find themselves / or totally lost in another country ... same theory
dear all, ppl will only love u bcos u r proud of yourself and ppl will respect your country only if u love your own country ...
so that s why my american bf like me bcos i m proud of myself and i love this city and he sees the differences in between me and others...
girls, respect yourself and your country |
How can you tell that I dun like my country? Do you know the reason why I said I dun like the city You are too hasty to draw the conclusion!
I am not here to compare my patriotism with anybody else. Please be noted my point is not how much I dun like the city (Just get bored with a place you have been too familiar with). My point is, even you, think that I dun like my country and just envy the lifestyle somewhere else, not to mention the forign men!
It is really a big shame!
We are totally thinking in a different way! Perhaps your bf likes cuz you are a chinese. But I wish some one likes me not because I am a chinese but because I am me!
B.T.W. I dun know what you mean by a shitty lifestyle. But I sensed that you are talking about how decent you are and that's why you are having a good lifestyle blah blah. So, you mean a good lifestyle is because you have lots of money? If so, that's a shitty lifestyle too! |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 02:53 PM |
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| honest_brutally wrote: |
| flyingwings wrote: |
he said: It's very common. Shanghai gals usually dun like the city. They want to go, outside, you know. I didn't say too much about that. NO COMMENT. But, I felt so shamed!
NO NO NO ...
why not like shanghai?? i like shanghai and enjoying living here, travel abroad once in a while is good but still like shanghai not only bcos i was born here but also i have a decent job and can afford a decent living/lifestyle ..shanghai is the 3nd expensive city in the world...some of the girl don't like here, i guess it s bcos they are living in a shitty lifestyle then of course they wanna go abroad and still most of the time they can't find themselves / or totally lost in another country ... same theory
dear all, ppl will only love u bcos u r proud of yourself and ppl will respect your country only if u love your own country ...
so that s why my american bf like me bcos i m proud of myself and i love this city and he sees the differences in between me and others...
girls, respect yourself and your country |
Shanghai is actually rated #24
http://www.finfacts.ie/costofliving.htm
Also to be honest how many of the Shanghai girls are lao wai's are looking for "love" in Shanghai? One side is looking for a way out the other side is looking for a good time. Preaching that stuff you said is a joke. |
I am not trying to say cliche, but I'd like to say: great mind thinks alike.
That's also one of the reason I hate the city here. lol |
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woaihuan
Veejay
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 1848
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 03:36 PM |
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You can't just decide you want to date foreign men and think you're any better than the bar girls.
In fact, saying so made you one of them. |
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Mr Totomolo
Rocker
Joined: June 21, 2008
Posts: 702
Location: Shanghai & Taipei
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 03:39 PM |
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You can't just decide you want to date foreign men and think you're any better than the bar girls.
In fact, saying so made you one of them.
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   can you explain in english? I am kind of slow... |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 03:46 PM |
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| Mr Totomolo wrote: |
| Quote: |
You can't just decide you want to date foreign men and think you're any better than the bar girls.
In fact, saying so made you one of them.
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can you explain in english? I am kind of slow... |
Agree, cannot figure out your logic! Sorry... |
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Bohica
Reacher
Joined: July 25, 2008
Posts: 292
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 04:11 PM |
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| Nathalie25 wrote: |
| authenticdreamer wrote: |
| Thanks Nathalie for your reply. Dun worry too much, I think no one is broadcasting your privacy here. At least, I have no idea about your privacy at all. |
then I can drink my becardi now,hehehe,thanks for your kindest reply~~~ |
I figured Nathalie is always drunk from her posts. |
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flyingwings
Barker
Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 148
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 04:12 PM |
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[[[[[[[[[How can you tell that I dun like my country? Do you know the reason why I said I dun like the city You are too hasty to draw the conclusion!
I am not here to compare my patriotism with anybody else. Please be noted my point is not how much I dun like the city (Just get bored with a place you have been too familiar with). My point is, even you, think that I dun like my country and just envy the lifestyle somewhere else, not to mention the forign men!
It is really a big shame!
We are totally thinking in a different way! Perhaps your bf likes cuz you are a chinese. But I wish some one likes me not because I am a chinese but because I am me!
B.T.W. I dun know what you mean by a shitty lifestyle. But I sensed that you are talking about how decent you are and that's why you are having a good lifestyle blah blah. So, you mean a good lifestyle is because you have lots of money? If so, that's a shitty lifestyle too![/quote]]]]]]]]]
MY GOD..
i didn't say u don't like this city and for sure, my bf like me bcos who i am. and by the way, why u think he likes me bcos im a chinese?
by saying a decent life, doesnt mean i have lots of money, it means i can afford on my own for what i desire for. and don't need to have bias on rich ppl, some of them are crap but some of them still think of the community and do charities.
are we clear? |
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authenticdreamer
Seeker
Joined: July 15, 2008
Posts: 68
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 04:29 PM |
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| flyingwings wrote: |
MY GOD..
i didn't say u don't like this city and for sure, my bf like me bcos who i am. and by the way, why u think he likes me bcos im a chinese?
by saying a decent life, doesnt mean i have lots of money, it means i can afford on my own for what i desire for. and don't need to have bias on rich ppl, some of them are crap but some of them still think of the community and do charities.
are we clear? |
Hi wings, I am not trying to offend you, anyway your replies are kind and sincere. I just think your reply is kinda arbitrary. But if I misunderstood it, I hope it's okay with you.
I am glad you enjoy your life with you bf in shanghai. |
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woaihuan
Veejay
Joined: Dec 15, 2007
Posts: 1848
Status: Offline
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Aug 08, 2008 - 04:30 PM |
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Flyingwings,
Although one does not simply marry a Chinese girl because she is Chinese, her race may (and often does) play a roll in whether or not he initially takes interest in her.
For example,
If a guy is only attracted to Chinese women, he may hang around with foreign women a lot, but never consider them for more than a friendship or casual encounter. He may only truly consider giving a girl a shot at a relationship if she was Chinese.
ehh... I can't put this into words today. Basically what I'm trying to put into words is the yellow fever.
A guy isn't going to marry you simply because he has the yellow fever and you're Chinese. There are millions of Chinese women. However, he may have initially chose you over a foreign girl based on your race. *but* he would only get into a serious relationship if he truly cared about *you* specifically. |
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