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woaishanghai07
Seeker
Joined: Dec 26, 2007
Posts: 50
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
Sep 02, 2008 - 11:00 PM |
 
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| Post subject: I don't want to hate this country |
Yet I find it really difficult not to. I'm a very negative person, which doesn't help things, I don't have much patience and I'm very quick to make generalizations. These are all characteristics I don't really like about myself and hope to change sometime and I guess it contributes overall to my perception of China.
Now I hate foreigners who can't be bothered to try to adapt to the culture and just spend time bitching about how sh1t this country is and how they wished they were back home. Unfortunately, I am becoming like that, apart from the trying part.
I go through phases that I like to call my 'I hate China' phases where absolutely everything Chinese pisses me off; the internet, the politics, the people, the customs, the traffic, the subway, the cheap crap and so on and so on. I really don't want to start a China bitch fest so I'll stop that right there.
Mainly, I want to change my attitude but I just find it really difficult to. I originally planned to come here for a few years, but after a few months I'm already having difficulties (it could be culture shock, but I spent a year in China before this time so I should really be adjusted by now) and I keep wanting to go back home where it's 'civilised' and 'free' or move to Japan out of spite. I know if I leave the country soon I'll forever have negative visions of China and that would make me a racist, which I don't want to be.
So how do I adjust? How do you guys do it? Why is it so difficult to love this country? |
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UndrUrSkin
Raver
Joined: Aug 26, 2008
Posts: 494
Location: between your sandy cheeks and crab-filled pineapple
Status: Offline
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Sep 02, 2008 - 11:28 PM |
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... "Suck it up"! |
_________________
You're an Ass-Half, it takes 2 of you to make an Ass-wHole |
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spaceboy
Lurker
Joined: Aug 18, 2008
Posts: 37
Status: Offline
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Sep 02, 2008 - 11:29 PM |
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It is not easy for any of us, trust me! The point is, this is the oldest civilization in the world and it is unlikely that we are going to change the norms of behaviour, habits, and routines embedded into the mindset of the Chinese. All we can do is trying to adjust to the local culture, but without losing our own cultural identity. It's an act of balancing the two, which is far from simple. |
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Snippets
PopStar
Joined: Apr 09, 2005
Posts: 1100
Status: Offline
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Sep 02, 2008 - 11:35 PM |
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crivens200
Raver
Joined: Nov 05, 2007
Posts: 435
Status: Offline
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Sep 02, 2008 - 11:42 PM |
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| Post subject: Re: I don't want to hate this country |
| woaishanghai07 wrote: |
| I know if I leave the country soon I'll forever have negative visions of China and that would make me a racist |
It can't be racist if its true.
I think everyone has the same difficulties but we all just deal with it differently. Not a day goes by where I don't hold my head in disbelief at the f*ckwittery I see. Still trying to learn to live with it as it's easier to change one person than it is 1 billion.
Could be worse, could be back in London getting on the train in the morning with the robots. |
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Meistr_Chef
Seeker
Joined: May 05, 2008
Posts: 40
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 12:10 AM |
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Just live up to your username. |
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Cambronne
Veejay
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 2013
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Sep 03, 2008 - 12:10 AM |
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I think this is not China specific. Happens everywhere. Many expats here are too young and havent been in other countries apart from their home country, tend to blame everything on China. This is not the case. I knew French people who became half insane in Sweden. I knew an English guy who got into huge problems in Singapore due to his inability to adapt (basically he would get beaten up everywhere he went). How to deal with it? I think its a matter of personality. Never had much problems myself, so I dont really know how to deal with it, just wanted to drop by and explain this was not specific to China. |
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Countless people will hate the new world order and will die protesting against it. |
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Adimnistrator
Rocker
Joined: July 20, 2007
Posts: 683
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 12:14 AM |
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In times of desperation I just scream. It helps. |
_________________
Barack Obama: young, handsome and suntanned.
(Silvio Berlusconi) |
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Buzzd
PopStar
Joined: Jan 30, 2008
Posts: 1092
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 12:31 AM |
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| Quote: |
Could be worse, could be back in London getting on the train in the morning with the robots.
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Lovely verbage friend. |
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Buzzd
PopStar
Joined: Jan 30, 2008
Posts: 1092
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 12:36 AM |
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Don't hate China simply because Shanghai pisses you off. Big city life is tough everywhere, period.
Look at those beautiful words that I quoted above from crivens, and smile. |
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Yeticrap
Lurker
Joined: Aug 19, 2008
Posts: 29
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 01:14 AM |
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Unfortunately, I'm going through the same thing:(
"the internet, the politics, the people, the customs, the traffic, the subway" Plus the restrooms (nightmare)
I did intensive research in cross-cultural training when I was in school. However, understanding "high-context culture" and "low-context culture" is not preventing me from being depressed.
Anyway, my suggestion is that you should go find some mental support to decrease the depression. Living with your girlfriend (if it's possible) or adopting a cat will help a lot. |
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babyjeans
Seeker
Joined: Sep 13, 2006
Posts: 49
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 02:14 AM |
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What brought you here in the first place?
I hated Shanghai too when I first moved here 5 years ago... but you sorta get use to the way things are after a while... and you tend to appreciate the norms so much more when you are out of this country... which i guess isn't a bad thing afterall |
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oxymoron
Lurker
Joined: May 31, 2008
Posts: 31
Location: Somewhere in Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 05:34 AM |
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| Cambronne wrote: |
| I think this is not China specific. Happens everywhere. Many expats here are too young and havent been in other countries apart from their home country, tend to blame everything on China. This is not the case. I knew French people who became half insane in Sweden. I knew an English guy who got into huge problems in Singapore due to his inability to adapt (basically he would get beaten up everywhere he went). How to deal with it? I think its a matter of personality. Never had much problems myself, so I dont really know how to deal with it, just wanted to drop by and explain this was not specific to China. |
Cambronee is absolutely right. I myself had trouble when I moved to Southern California three years ago - everything was slow, service was crap, Internet was absolutely crappy, DMV was non-functional, close to 20% tips everywhere drove me nuts, some of the streets in LA scared the **** out of me, the fact someone might have a gun (and maybe crazy enough to shoot it out) made be nervous, expensive housing price and mostly the fact I didn't have my family and friends there. Hated to live there for a while (while I didn't hate everything there) and then slowly get to love SoCal.
Moved to Shanghai a month ago. Now I think I am more ready to getting accustomed to totally different culture from California again. Complained to my friends in SoCal that I almost forgot how the sun looks like but find joy in that I am getting free sauna everyday. I don't have to play Crazy Taxi as I am in one everyday. Learned to do jaywalk. Learned that traffic light is a just reference but the cars on the street will show when is safe to cross the road. I haven't bought any yet diverse fake DVD's on the street will allow you a lot more cultural indulgence cheaply - I saw tons of rare movies, reference TV shows, documentaries that are hard to find in US DVD shops which excited me just looking at them. Girls on the streets are beautiful.
Try to see the other side. All the vices and evils you described as characteristics of Shanghai exist anywhere. It is just more extreme here and evident. You see tons of jerks and nay-sayers but also nice people who are willing to help in ShanghaiExpat. It is evident from seeing in this thread only. Nothing is perfect. You just need to learn to appreciate the better aspect of the life and don't be obsessed to negate aspect. Getting therapy always is a good idea to help yourself, too, but I am not sure if it is readily available in Shanghai.
At the end of the day, people is people anywhere. |
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shanghaiceltic
Board Royalty
Joined: Sep 20, 2005
Posts: 7624
Location: Perth WA
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 05:59 AM |
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What you are going through can happen anywhere. I lived in Japan for a couple of years and that was about 5 years before I came to live in China in 1999. I went through the 'I hate Japan' phase. I spoke reasonable Japanese and Japan is a very civilized country to live in. But I had to use Japanese every day and my Japanese was OK for business but not for every day living. Plus Japanese are fairly anti foreign product, so selling was difficult as was the sales culture. Ordinary Japanese culture can also take some getting used to. The Japanese tend to keep foreigners at arms length.
It took me 6 months to get through it and I think it helped me when I came to China to live.
When I came to China I did not go through the I hate China phase. I was lucky enough to have made many visits before coming to live there. I did not look at China through rose tinted spectacles and was fairly cynical about what I saw and heard.
I got on and went to school at weekends to learn Chinese, that helped and I am pretty good with written Chinese so I did not go through the dyslexia that becomes a problem for many foreigners living in China. Language is one of the biggest barriers to get over.
Yes there are many things that are at odds with much of our own thinking but you have to separate that and not let it get in the way of living and working. Treat it like a David Attenborough wildlife documentary, watch, observe, learn and make your comments, have your thoughts, but don't let them cloud the issue.
I am now living in Perth. You would think that that straight forward. It is not. I am from the UK and many things in Aus are done differently and often thought about differently.
What ever foreign country you go and live in you will inevitably compare culture, lifestyle and people with your own. It is a matter of achieving a balance.
Cambronne is right, it can happen anywhere and with China particularly to people go there with great expectations and find reality a tad more different. |
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I have parrallel bars at home, one for gin and one for whiskey |
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CK1
Raver
Joined: June 07, 2007
Posts: 498
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 09:58 AM |
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Are you sure it's China, are you sure you're not just depressed?
Take up a sport, or an interest, break out of your weekly cycle, go out and meet people.
A lot of people I know that blame all of their problems on China are just in fact miserable with various factors in their life, be it work, social life etc.. Be proactive and change your situation, hell, if you need to, go to Worldlink and get some happy pills prescribed for the meantime.
Let me tell you, I know at least 5 people that have left China and returned home because they thought that would cure their misery. ALL of them have contacted me letting me know that nothing has changed in their mental mindset from their homeward return. |
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cantcheckemailnopw
LoopKicker
Joined: Dec 27, 2006
Posts: 834
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Sep 03, 2008 - 10:09 AM |
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double post |
Last edited by cantcheckemailnopw on Sep 03, 2008 - 10:10 AM; edited 1 time in total |
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cantcheckemailnopw
LoopKicker
Joined: Dec 27, 2006
Posts: 834
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Sep 03, 2008 - 10:09 AM |
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People come wearing rose colored glasses? I was expecting the worst. So anything above total crap seems ok. |
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anon6969
Barker
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Posts: 166
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 10:42 AM |
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Try Japan. It's much better. China is rugged enough to drive anybody insane. Especially Shanghai. |
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zerg
Reacher
Joined: Sep 06, 2007
Posts: 216
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 11:03 AM |
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I cant disagree ....even as a local Shanghaiese...I really want to leave this place as far as I can...outside sh I eat more sleep well...
But everything is u give to yourself...pressure...depression..CHina is a place cold outside warm inside...u may have no idea what china people go through...in the past 100years or 3000yrs...in some developed country u win rational rules but u lose the mind
People are people everywhere...trained and not trained...told or untold |
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in me the tiger sniffle the rose |
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travelinjack3
FooJay
Joined: Sep 19, 2005
Posts: 1723
Location: Right Bank
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 11:03 AM |
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Oldest uncivilized civilization on earth.
I find that drinking more whiskey/whisky helps and that pretending that I am visiting a zoo when out in public. I have taken to carrying a bag of peanuts and offer them to the monkeys that like to point and carry on about the white guy. |
_________________
If the billy goat was Bootsie and the troll was Maceo, then only the Godfather of Soul can really take you to the bridge. |
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jeannie5
Raver
Joined: Aug 21, 2007
Posts: 428
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 11:14 AM |
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why are you here in the first place?you are counted lucky to have lived and worked in shanghai now and not the northern side of china. as compared to 10 years ago people here don't speak english much or don;t accept foreign goods that much (or maybe they are not this rich now). but the good news is after a couple of years here,you may find living and workng in other countries will be much easier for you.
some said language is the barrier but i think even you know the chinese language but not willing to adapt and know its inner culture of every other country you live in,you will always be feeling like this now..with "i hate china' or 'i hate XXXcountry' phrase in your brain all the time. |
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Ponzonia
Barker
Joined: June 24, 2008
Posts: 197
Location: el mundo
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 11:17 AM |
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| travelinjack3 wrote: |
Oldest uncivilized civilization on earth.
I find that drinking more whiskey/whisky helps and that pretending that I am visiting a zoo when out in public. I have taken to carrying a bag of peanuts and offer them to the monkeys that like to point and carry on about the white guy. |
LOL!!! *haha* very good idea...feel the same way 99% of the time. The other 1% I get angry, but really no point... and
...at least it's entertaining!
Also agree with the alcohol point, although I prefer beer...
Not drinking will not solve your problems! |
_________________
***Sedrun***Madrisa***Pischa***I want powder!!! |
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dys
Talker
Joined: Feb 14, 2007
Posts: 106
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 11:18 AM |
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Here they come - the local thought police brigade. |
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njd
Lurker
Joined: Feb 28, 2008
Posts: 36
Location: Shanghai
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 11:22 AM |
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Aren't you the same guy who wrote, "I'm impressed" with Shanghai in May? Wow how quickly things change. |
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zerg
Reacher
Joined: Sep 06, 2007
Posts: 216
Status: Offline
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Sep 03, 2008 - 12:47 PM |
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| travelinjack3 wrote: |
Oldest uncivilized civilization on earth.
I find that drinking more whiskey/whisky helps and that pretending that I am visiting a zoo when out in public. I have taken to carrying a bag of peanuts and offer them to the monkeys that like to point and carry on about the white guy. |
thats because now we open to the uncivilized direction..west...we lose ourselves...
I once met a drunk white young man...face like a monkey's ass...i was buying breakfast in the rubbish food shop...and he kept talking to me...hello..hahah....moring....hahhah...how are you...hahaha...that time I really should have taken his wallet and sent him to some beggers along the street... |
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