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shanghaiceltic
Shanghai Royalty
Joined: Sep 20, 2005
Posts: 8337
Location: Perth WA
Status: Offline
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 Posted:
Oct 08, 2008 - 08:28 AM |
 
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| Post subject: Gordon goes to Washington |
Gordon Brown flies into Washington , still an unknown quantity to most people in the U.S. despite his bizarre appearance on American Idol recently. In advance of the trip, profiles of the Prime Minister have been appearing in the U.S. This column tuned in by satellite to Eye-Witness News, Palm Beach, for a preview of the visit:
"Good morning America, how are you? This is your favourite son, Chad Hanging, reporting. The President of Englandland, Norman Brown, is arriving in our nation's capital this afternoon to meet with President Bush. But just who is this guy? Let's cross to our special correspondent Brit Limey."
Hey, Chad. As you can see, I'm standing in the world-famous Trafalgar Circus, with the House of Fayed directly behind me.
So what can you tell us about Norman Brown?
Well, Chad, he has been President for some nine months now. He used to be Chancellor.
What, you mean he's, like, German?
No, that's what they call their Treasury Secretary over here.
And is he a Conservative, like President Tony Blair?
No, Chad. He's Labour. President Blair wasn't a Conservative, either. He only pretended to be.
So how did Brown get the job?
He just kept shouting at President Blair until he stood down.
But he won an election, right?
No, Chad, there wasn't an election. He did think about calling one, but decided against it because he was frightened he might lose.
How can you change Presidents without having an election? I mean, it's not like President Blair was assassinated.
That's just the way it works in Englandland. The leader of the party with the most seats in the House of Lords gets to be President.
So Norman Brown was elected leader of the Labour Party?
Negative, again, Chad. He did raise money and have a leadership campaign, but no one stood against him.
What, nobody? No primaries, no general election, nothing?
Affirmative, Chad.
Let me get this straight. His party hasn't elected him, the country hasn't elected him, yet he still gets to be President. Sounds like a tinpot Commie dictatorship to me.
You could say that, Chad. Norman Brown doesn't really like anyone being given the chance to vote on anything.
Someone must have voted for him, some time.
Oh, yes. He was elected to the House of Lords by his constituents in Scotlandland.
He's Scoddish, then?
That's a big Ten-Four, Chad.
So is he President of Scotlandland, too?
No, that's a guy called Alan Salmon.
Hang on, if Brown's from Scotlandland, how can he be President of Englandland?
That's just the way it goes in this crazy country, Chad. Brown can make laws for Englandland, but not for his own people in Scotlandland. Not that it matters much because Brown has signed away most of Englandland's lawmaking powers to unelected European bureaucrats in Brussels, Belgiumland.
That would be like stripping Congress of the power to make laws in America and handing it over to Mexico.
I guess so.
How in the Hell did the people of Englandland vote for that.
They didn't. Brown wouldn't let them, even though it was a solemn promise in his party's manifesto the last time people were allowed to vote.
Couldn't the Supreme Court have stopped him?
Not really. The Supreme Court of Englandland is now in Strasbourg, where the geese come from.
Isn't there any opposition?
There's a guy called Boris.
Sounds Russian.
I wouldn't be surprised, Chad. There are millions of Eastern Europeans living here now, mainly in Peterburl. Englandland has seen mass immigration over the past ten years, but no one voted for that, either.
What in the name of Ulysses S. Grant is going on over there, Brit? We're talking about the country which gave us Magna Carta, saw off the Armada, stood alone against Hitler and invented parliamentary democracy. How does Norman Brown get away with it? He must be a popular guy.
Far from it, Chad. According to the latest opinion polls, he's the most unpopular President ever. His approval ratings are even worse than George Dubya Bush. There's talk about him having to stand down soon. He's already promised the job to some guy who works for him - name of Balls.
Say again, Brit, you're breaking up.
Balls.
You're damn right there, buddy |
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I have parrallel bars at home, one for gin and one for whiskey |
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SirFiddler
Board Legend
Joined: Mar 30, 2004
Posts: 11621
Location: Very close to a bottle of chilled Boags
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Oct 08, 2008 - 09:49 AM |
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hahaha very funny SC.... |
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Special offer at Cuvee : Bring your business card and get a free punch |
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bloomark
Fire-eater
Joined: Apr 28, 2008
Posts: 2803
Location: Reality
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Oct 08, 2008 - 02:06 PM |
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Gordan Brown and George W Bush on Time Machine:
George W Bush and Gordon Brown are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. They both decide to test it by asking a question each. George goes first
"What will the USA be like in 100 years time"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives him a printout, he reads it out "The country is in good hands under the new president, crime is non-existant, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries"
Gordon Brown thinks "It's not bad this time machine, I'll have a bit of that" so he asks "What will Britain be like in 100 years time?"
The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout. But he just stares at it.
"Come on Gordon" says George, "Share what it says"
"I can't! It's all in Arabic!" |
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Never expect accountable tips from a bitter rumrunner. |
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shanghaiceltic
Shanghai Royalty
Joined: Sep 20, 2005
Posts: 8337
Location: Perth WA
Status: Offline
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| Posted:
Oct 08, 2008 - 02:20 PM |
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| Faithful1980 wrote: |
man, you can talk about your balls in the places where it only needs 25 rmb or 35 rmb to get your meals for your starving belly or Stomach from~~~~~~~~
Boring ! |
If you understood what person 'Balls' was referring to you would not need to make a statement that is nonsensical. |
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I have parrallel bars at home, one for gin and one for whiskey |
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NeilUK39
LoopKicker
Joined: Apr 17, 2005
Posts: 908
Status: Offline
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Oct 08, 2008 - 03:47 PM |
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Very funny SC 
I think faithful 1980 is talking Balls literally, cant understand what the hell he is on about. |
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Ting tong from tooting not pong pong? |
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shanghaiceltic
Shanghai Royalty
Joined: Sep 20, 2005
Posts: 8337
Location: Perth WA
Status: Offline
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Oct 08, 2008 - 04:11 PM |
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Faithfull1980 is MagicNuts new disguise...I think |
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I have parrallel bars at home, one for gin and one for whiskey |
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bloomark
Fire-eater
Joined: Apr 28, 2008
Posts: 2803
Location: Reality
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| Posted:
Oct 08, 2008 - 04:23 PM |
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Probably I gotta expand my restrained list in one of my PIT threads. |
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