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orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 11:47 AM
Post subject: I'm really confused...

I met this guy 6 months ago. We started to hang out together,do sports together. We get along with each other well. We basically meet 2 or 3 times a week. Sometime dinner.sometime went to bars or concerts. This lasted for about 2 months. I wasn't sure if these are dates or not till one day before he left China for 2 weeks ,when I wanted to meet and he wasn't availabe because he wanted to spend time with another girl who he had a crush with. Then I start to realize that maybe he just saw me as a buddy. And it was too late to cancel the trip we planned together. So , I went travelling with him, and knowing that the girl he had crush with left SH already, and there will be no possibility for them to be together at least for now. During the trip, I found more things about him that attracted me,so i didnt help to confess with him. But he was quite direct as well saying that he likes me but he doesn't have the feeling for me... I was quite sad..and almost couldnt finish the trip with him..but in the end we still made the whole trip together..had lots of fun..small fights as well. Then the day we came back, I thought since we both quite clear about the situation, then we should just be normal friends. I never asked him out or called him unless he did....and now the situation turned to be we still see each other more than 2 or 3 times a week... we still stick together. We even talk on MSN everyday now and then...it has been six months. It's like we are becoming part of life of each other... We are not lovers, we definetly are more than just friends...but what are we? I have no idea. Of course I hope we could go further,but what's on his mind? I'm really confused.... or is he confused as well?

flyingwings

Barker

Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 156

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 11:56 AM

you are confused but he is not. i m sorry to say that but i think he just wanna bang u without any promise - even don't have the guts to recognize you as a gf. well, i mean some guys think ' be together ' is just ' be together ' .. u know i mean

speak your mind to him and don't waste time cos u may hurt yourself finally

Ponzonia

Rocker

Joined: June 24, 2008
Posts: 691
Location: el mundo
Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 12:02 PM

Sounds like you are not "just" but Really, really good friends! Congratulations!
If I were you I'd be very grateful for that and stop thinking about him as anything else. Something like this is rare, and it's much better that having an affair and maybe find out it's not the real thing and break up and lose a person who seems to be very close to you.
Find someone else for the romance and appreciate him as your best friend! Doesn't sound too confused to me. It's just in your head that you've got to beome clear about your feelings for him.
Good luck!

_________________
The Important Things are not Things

orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 01:30 PM

thanks Ponzonia, I totally agree what you said. If I became his gf ,probobly we already broke up now. I do feel happy I met someone like him. Just how long can this kind of situation last? Can men and women be like good friends on this level? It is kinda weird for me, I never had male friends as close as this, when we went out together with other friends, they all think we are couple... I even think if I need to meet someoneelse for romance, I have to stop seeing him so often. It kinda disturbs...

CrystalRock

Barker

Joined: Oct 21, 2008
Posts: 158

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 01:38 PM

Before you find the next shoes, you can not be just barefoot. So, don't be confused!

_________________
Ignorance is bliss.

tluong96

Barker

Joined: Sep 03, 2007
Posts: 153

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 02:10 PM

Orky, men and women can be friends on this level. Some of my closest friends are female. It's nice having really close friends of the opposite sex as they have a different point of views. Piece of advice...take everything at face value and don't analyze anything.

orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 02:59 PM

right... I work as an analyst,it's hard for me not to anyalyze....but I will take your advise. Seems like I need to adjust my feeling for him, and enjoy the time to be with a real good friend. It maybe tough when either of us has a date, we are so used to see each other so often and talk to each other everyday... not a good habit ya... life is hard

flyingwings

Barker

Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 156

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 03:02 PM

flyingwings wrote:

maybe my previous post was a bit harsh and i believe opposite sex can be friend. but the buttom line is u can never have sex with them. if u 2 made out one time, and it s just hard for girl to regard this guy as just friend.

orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 03:19 PM

good point flyingwings...luckily we didn't make out. To be acurate, he didn't want to. I was so embarrased at the beginning,I seldom make the first move. But later he never changed , he still asked me out like nothing happened. I used to think I should just stop seeing him...but he is such a nice guy..hard to refuse him. Im glad we can be this close now, but just for myself...still have that tiny hope that one day we could be more than this... aiyeeee

flyingwings

Barker

Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 156

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 03:34 PM

this is fine and now i start to believe he is nice / or ok guy cos he doesn't wanna take advantage of you...

so just don't think too much ... cos i know girls think a lot - like me...sometimes..hehe..

enjoy what u have now with him and take it easy...

yupitssean
Reacher
Reacher

Joined: June 03, 2008
Posts: 214

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 03:41 PM

Man, this guy refused sex with you? That can only mean one of two things: either he really just wants to be friends with you, or... he's gay. If I were you I would try hard not to get emotionally attached. Good luck!

orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 03:51 PM

I think he just wanna be friends with me... didn't see any sign that he would be gay... but we are so attached above the normal friends' level...even my friends say we are both weird...

Juan_Tamad

Board Royalty

Joined: Jan 29, 2007
Posts: 7336
Location: Smoky Mountain
Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 05:39 PM

[quote="even my friends say we are both weird...[/quote]

Bingo

_________________
ERAP for President!!!!

bougie
Board Buddha

Joined: Nov 20, 2004
Posts: 14916
Location: Woooo .. Han

Posted: Nov 18, 2008 - 09:13 PM

tluong96 wrote:

On which planet does that happen, the gay planet ? Or the "i think i might be gay" planet ?

chamaflauge

Ranter

Joined: Nov 28, 2007
Posts: 571

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 08:35 AM

Well Orky are you hot? Or just normal looking? Maybe he likes really hot girls? Or it could be he keeps you around sometimes just to chill out. Which is fine. Why do men and women always have to bang anyway.

orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 10:23 AM

well, Im normal looking... and I don't think he only into hot girls..(who doesn't ? I mean all men do) but I saw pic of his ex gf...they are not hot type either... but stylish... if it is just to chill out together sometime...we don't need to see each other that often...it's a bit too much

orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 10:27 AM

all what we do is like what couples should do...like cook together, go to cinema together. shopping together,traveled two weeks together...on top of all these we also do sports together, go to clubs together..... walking on the street together randomly... it's just comfortable for both of us to be together I guess... I even didn't do this much with my ex...

flyingwings

Barker

Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 156

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 10:33 AM

may i know where is he from and how old ?

sound like u guys are so peaceful for being together...and he doesn't have anything in mind even u guys are cooking together?? cos it s so romantic if a guy and a girl are cooking together...

GeneralLi

Talker

Joined: Sep 03, 2008
Posts: 95
Location: Chengdu
Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 10:36 AM

Planet Gay

yupitssean
Reacher
Reacher

Joined: June 03, 2008
Posts: 214

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 10:39 AM

Orky, what is it that YOU want? Do you want sex & romance with him or just friendship?

orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 10:55 AM

I absolutely want more than just friendship...sex&romance is just the surface of certain level of a relationship..I want to be closer with him by heart. And hope it lasts longer... but if he doesn't want it,I don't want to ruine our friendship...

Captain_SH
Rocker
Rocker

Joined: Oct 23, 2008
Posts: 796

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 03:21 PM

Orky, you're the sweetest and most honest poster I've seen on this forum lately. Your posts are tugging at my heart . . . I feel for you.

Let's begin and allow me to take you on a tour into the World of Man:

First . . . you women are complex. You gals classify men into several categories but the two major categories are, "Guys I'd have sex with" and "Guys who will only be my friends." Seldom do you mix the two . . .

You have clearly put this guy into the "Guys I'd have sex with" category and you're attempting to bring the two of you together but first you have to understand the way men classify and categorize.

See . . . we throw all the women we know into ONE simple category. This category is called, "The Women I know" Category. We take this big group and we create a linear scale. At the top of the scale is the girl I'd most like to have sex with. At the bottom of the scale is the fat, unattractive girl who I'd still have sex with if I was really, really horny, the situation was right, and nobody ever found out. No women I know is outside of this category or scale thus it is called, "The Women I know" category . . . right?. My mom's friends, the waitress, my girlfriend, her mother, her cousins, her friends, my 50 year old neighbor, my 20 year old neighbor on the other side, the coffee girl, cashier, her toothless niece. You get my point. Everybody is in. So far, this is the good news. You are absolutely in his, "The women I know category" so sex is always a possibility. . . of course unless he is gay.

The bad news is that the only reason a heterosexual man won't pounce on a woman who opens up to him is that he doesn't find her sexually appealing. He's not thinking, "Ohh . . . I might lose this friendship. I have this great thing going . . ." (This is the World of woman) The man doesn't think about such things. Either he gets his boner on or he doesn't.

So here's the thing . . . you're not sexually appealing enough for him.

Now, don't take this as an insult and don't take it personally. Sexual appeal isn't an identity. Instead, 'sexual appeal' is always in constant, dynamic motion. If you've been in relationships before, I'm sure you'll recall times when you felt huge sexual attraction for your boyfriend and at other times, you felt hugely turned off. Most people just yield to these emotions and allow them to rule our lives.

Consider another tactic. How about proactively changing your LIFE to create these emotions in your "guy friend" instead of just allowing some freak chance occurrences to maybe spark some sexual attraction? Do you want to leave it to "chance"? . . . or do you want to CREATE attraction?

Think back to your "schedule" with him. Cooking together is what married couples do. Traveling together is what couples who have already had sex do together. Spilling your life story is what you do with your guidance counsellor. Shopping together . . . are you kidding? See, these things aren't sexy. These things aren't turn ons. These things are what GIRLS THINK of as "romantic" but even most girls don't get sexually turned on after a shopping spree with her boyfriends . . . do they?

Let's get your groove on:

1. For the love of GOD, stop hanging out with him so much. Do you know why married couples don't have sex much? They see each other EVERYDAY. Thus a little bit of sexual tension is always released through other means of interaction. There is no anticipation. There is no fantasy. If you want him to "think" about you. You can't be there all the time. If you're in front of him, he doesn't need to think. . . you're just there.

2. "Getting along" is not sexy. You want him . . . so you're yielding to him. But you need to offer up a little bit of a challenge. You have to tease him a bit. I've heard women calling it, "Playing hard to get". Do it right . . . it works. If you allow yourself to become his little sister (Big smile, always nodding yes. Always showing up every time he calls) then that's exactly what you're going to be.

3. You have to remind him that he's a man. You have to remind him that he's a sexual being. You have to remind him that you have a beautiful vagina. Don't state your "fondness" for him; demonstrate it. Don't ask for sex; make it impossible for him to resist. You can give him a big fat boner simply through sexual conversations. . . through suggestive stares and through certain touches. "Statements" and "Confessions" are not sexy. This isn't a business deal. This is seduction.

4. Drive a little fear in his heart. You're a young, nubile, sexy girl but you've allowed yourself to look like an old maid. With you being around this guy ALL THE TIME, he probably feels, "well this one isn't going off the market any time soon." Again, any product, service, or a PERSON that isn't in high demand? = NOT SEXY. You turned yourself into a bargain discount item. Get out there. Go to clubs and bars. Stare at sexy guys. Allow yourself to be hit on. Let guys buy you drinks. Do give out numbers. Do go out on dates. This guy needs a wake up call if he thinks he can just keep you on a leash and not take any risks. He needs to fear losing this "incredible, sexy girl".

5. Don't let him see you in "comfortable" clothes. If you traveled with him, you've already done this. This was a big mistake. From now on, every time he is given the HONOR of seeing you, you should be oozing with sex. Guys should be turning their necks and falling over to get another look at you. In fact, you should even flirt with strangers on the streets with slightly suggestive stares and smiles. He'll feel this. He'll feel your sexuality.

Take a look in the mirror. Smile. You can do this. Let's do this. You do this and I promise you that you will notice a difference in the way he looks at you, the way he talks to you, and the way he treats you. I have no idea where you are on his "scale" but you I'm certain that you are not on the bottom. What you need to do is get the hell way over the top on that scale. You do these things that I have suggested and within 2 weeks, you'll sky rocket on that scale. Do these things and he won't even know what hit him. Do these things and in two weeks, merely holding his hands will force a huge erection. Seriously . . .

Don't let this long, heartfelt post go to waste. Do this for me. I want to see the nice girl find love, sex, and happiness.

flyingwings

Barker

Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 156

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 04:05 PM

very nice post and this is the first i saw someone spend time write some useful stuff and give away opinions without attack ppl

orky...just do it

good luck

orky

Seeker

Joined: Aug 24, 2006
Posts: 70

Status: Offline

Posted: Nov 19, 2008 - 04:59 PM

wow....Thanks Captain for spending time writing all these touching and useful suggestions. Are you one of those R/S trainers? hehe... your opinion helps a LOT, really. Good that currently he is on Biz trip for 3 weeks...I will do what you suggested...sexy up.and be confident...if in the end it still doesn't happen..at least I tried..then I should move on..can't stuck in this situation anymore

Captain_SH
Rocker
Rocker

Joined: Oct 23, 2008
Posts: 796

Posted: Nov 20, 2008 - 12:13 PM

Couple of thoughts.

1. I'd like to quote the great jedi master and philosopher, Yoda, "Do or do not . . . there is no try."

2. Get this straight: YOU DO NOT go anywhere. If you sexy up and DO THIS, everything should work. If it doesn't, as nice as this guy seems to be, there's got to be a few screws a bit loose up there . . . or down there. In this case, HE MOVES ON. You don't go anywhere. See the difference?