The Internet to be turned off on April 4th

Last night around 5pm, The commission for International Internet standards in a 31-27 vote decided that the internet is more trouble than good and will be shut off on Monday, April 4th.

The decision was made in response to a number of recent complaints, mostly from MAGD (Mothers Against Googling while Driving). The increase of parents, corporations and general douchebags on Facebook, a popular social networking site, also might have contributed to the decision.

“We just don't think that its a good idea to keep this going.” Explains Commision head Michael Corayer. “We understand the backlash – Online banking services will be cut, businesses doing business exclusively online will likely lose more than 100% of revenue, and we'll have to go back to watching adult films on DVD, maybe even VHS.”

In a somewhat storybook twist, the man who will literally “pull the plug” will be internet inventor and former US vice President Al Gore. He along with his posse of green activists and the members of U2 will fly to the adandoned mine shaft in South Carolina that stores the internet. They will be staying at the Holiday Inn in Columbia where they will partake in one final YouTube party, mostly watching outtakes from Funniest Home Videos and Bollywood interpretations of 70s films.

“I told you the internet wouldn't last,” said my grandpa.

Thia article has been brought to you by April 1st!