Shengnu

In the last couple of years a new term has been used on the Chinese interweb – an expression used to describe a single girl over the age of 25. That term is Shengnu. It literally means 'Left Woman'.

It seems that recently this term is being used so widely, written in newspapers and magazines, appearing in blog posts – I even saw an article on Shengnu in an English language magazine for Chinese teenagers studying English – that every Chinese person is aware of it.

And while some people snigger when using this word, most Chinese girls over the age of 25 hate the very sound of it.

I have spoken to dozens of these kind of girls about this or listened to them as they try to come to terms with the fact that another birthday has just passed by and still single. These girls seem to dread important dates such as Chinese New Year, when they are carted around with the parents to visit all the relatives who all ask in a very direct fashion 'Still not married?'. It must be hellish.

One girl I know is now 26-years-old. She is an attractive girl, very nice smiley personality, great legs too (if that has anything to do with it) and single. She told me how she had planned to be married and pregnant before her 26th birthday, but no guy appeared. Last year, just before Christmas, she called me and asked me to help her. 'Find me a guy – any guy - I don't care. He can be from any country, just find me one'. Apart from the fact that she is Shanghainese and she's asking a foreign person to find Mr Right for her in this town, if that isn't weird enough, it's the sense of urgency. The fact that all this matchmaking must be done yesterday.

She then went on to reveal her masterplan. Get introduced to a male specimen, make this guy become her boyfriend by Christmas (which at the time was two weeks away), then get married by Chinese New Year.

I told her this was kind of a strange request. And she replied 'I must do it'.

She spoke of how much she wanted to be a housewife ('It's my dream') and I think therein could be the problem for many of these Shengnu girls in Shanghai.

Many of them really want to find a guy who has a practically impossible list of attributes – a house, a car, a good job, money in the bank. These demands for these things can become quite ridiculous. For example, many girls (and often including the girls' family) expect the guy to have a house in a downtown location and full paid for. Evidence of the house being fully paid for may also be required. The car may have to be a BMW – and the guy better make sure that it is a German-manufactured BMW and not a Chinese-manufactured one. (Yes, these local girls do know the difference). Many girls put in a request for a car for herself too – the guy should provide that too. Then there are the minor details of cash gifts to the girls parents and other sundries and she's all set.

I know a local woman who works in marketing and she showed me some studies she had done on what women want from a prospective husband and the demands are just staggering.

This may be why there are so many Shengnu in Shanghai. The average house in Shanghai costs 30 times the average yearly salary. No wonder so many local girls tut impatiently and complain about there being 'no good men in Shanghai'.

It's choice addiction that has made them their own worst enemy.
So how does the Shanghai Shengnu go about improving her game? How does she present herself to the world and announce her arrival for all to see?

She does this. She stays at home.

Her life goes pretty much like this; get up and go to work, spend 8 hours doing a job they hate, go home and spend the entire evening in their bedroom watching soap operas on youku.com while mum brings in snacks and drinks. In between watching Desperate Housewives (er, hello?) she will upload glamour pics of herself on dating sites in an attempt to find a boyfriend. She will promptly exclude any that show interest that she doesn't like the look of or are too short, too this, too that or no house/money/high-paying job. Then she will get on QQ and complain to her virtual friends how hard it is to find a boyfriend.

Western culture has train-crashed into Chinese culture in Shanghai in the last few years. Modern, very open values have snaked into Shanghai and infiltrated the more family-oriented, traditional values of Chinese young women. Maybe they have become stronger and more in control of their lives in certain respects, but this has served many of them no good as they hit 30 years of age and it's literally a case of game over.

The sheer abundance of choice, in terms of lifestyle, thinking and what they want from life has created the Shengnu.

After reaching the age of thirty, their choices become extremely limited. Either get hitched to a foreign guy or look out for a divorced Chinese guy (an increasing number of those in Shanghai) or stay alone. Everyone can cite examples or exceptions to this where they know a girl who at the age of 33/34/35 found Mr Right and got married happily ever after, but would argue that this is very much the exception and not the rule.

There are, quite literally, thousands of these young women in Shanghai and it is very much a post-millennium phenomenon that has never been seen before in China. Some estimates say that there are more than half a million Shengnu in Shanghai while others claim a much as three million.

It is quite a freak situation.

I have to wonder whether Shanghainese girls in their early 20's can see this happening to their older female cousins and whether they think about it. Do they think to themselves that this could never possibly happen to them and continue looking for the guy with the house/car/big bag of cash or whether they lower their expectations a little?

Maybe a little akin to the housing market where all Chinese people continue buying while chanting 'Bubble? What bubble?'.