Okay my story is simple.
I had a German boyfriend in America about 4 months ago. We've been through a looooot of culture shocks and he complained that I was too Chinese: not open enough, which is not true, cuz I have an open mind just don't speak it that often.
As we knew each other better, I did open up and we talked about almost everything. And we both felt quite good.
So I figured perhaps there IS a difference between dating a western guy and a Chinese guy. Maybe I could totally be myself and don't need to care about the traditional Chinese good girl image?

Now I'm back in SH, and dated an ABC for a few weeks. But the situation turned out that he seems scared off by my honesty and directness during the talk...

So I mean, need too switch back to the Chinese mode because I'm now in China?...What the hell?

psychedelic wrote: what the hell?

u came to right place

psychedelic wrote:So I mean, need too switch back to the Chinese mode because I'm now in China?...What the hell?

The fact that you are asking this question my friend shows that in fact you are 'too chinese'

condesa wrote:

psychedelic wrote:So I mean, need too switch back to the Chinese mode because I'm now in China?...What the hell?

The fact that you are asking this question my friend shows that in fact you are 'too chinese'

well, have been a sensitive overthinking Chinese for over 20 years, I can't help it.
or just the frustration turned my Chineseness back

psychedelic wrote:

condesa wrote:

psychedelic wrote:So I mean, need too switch back to the Chinese mode because I'm now in China?...What the hell?

The fact that you are asking this question my friend shows that in fact you are 'too chinese'

well, have been a sensitive overthinking Chinese for over 20 years, I can't help it.
or just the frustration turned my Chineseness back

You changed yourself to suit your former German boyfriend, but that relationship did not work out. You continued being your new self with an ABC and that relationship also flopped.

My advice? Be yourself. If he is the right guy for you, he would accept you for being yourself. Of course there will be some adjustments and compromises in the relationship, but no one should have to alter oneself completely for another person. No matter what, be happy with yourself.

Agree just be yourself.
If something turns into a long term thing you dont want to have to keep on pretending you are someone different for the rest of your life.
Also all guys are different, some like open and direct girls, some like quiet and introspective girls so instead of going out with a guy then changing to be what he wants, find a guy who wants you unmodified.

You cant generalise and say that because your first western boyfriend for example liked pizza, was funny or liked listening to pop that all western guysare funny, like pizza and pop.
And anyway germany and america are as different culture wise as china and india.

js.2011.04 wrote:

psychedelic wrote:

condesa wrote:

psychedelic wrote:So I mean, need too switch back to the Chinese mode because I'm now in China?...What the hell?

The fact that you are asking this question my friend shows that in fact you are 'too chinese'

well, have been a sensitive overthinking Chinese for over 20 years, I can't help it.
or just the frustration turned my Chineseness back

You changed yourself to suit your former German boyfriend, but that relationship did not work out. You continued being your new self with an ABC and that relationship also flopped.

My advice? Be yourself. If he is the right guy for you, he would accept you for being yourself. Of course there will be some adjustments and compromises in the relationship, but no one should have to alter oneself completely for another person. No matter what, be happy with yourself.

thanks for the advice and it makes sense.
The last relationship didn't work out cuz I have to come back. The separation was painful to both of us.
Actually I'm quite happy with the new me, which doesn't mean I altered myself completely but just be my true self.

Christin90 wrote:Agree just be yourself.
If something turns into a long term thing you dont want to have to keep on pretending you are someone different for the rest of your life.
Also all guys are different, some like open and direct girls, some like quiet and introspective girls so instead of going out with a guy then changing to be what he wants, find a guy who wants you unmodified.

You cant generalise and say that because your first western boyfriend for example liked pizza, was funny or liked listening to pop that all western guysare funny, like pizza and pop.
And anyway germany and america are as different culture wise as china and india.

Thanks.
I felt confused cuz I do like the guy, and can't help wondering what went wrong. Well, now I don't think it's my fault but he just doesn't like the true me.

js.2011.04 wrote:My advice? Be yourself. If he is the right guy for you, he would accept you for being yourself.

psychedelic wrote:Well, now I don't think it's my fault but he just doesn't like the true me.

And there you have it!

Be Yourself...simple and true

Ms Poor wrote:Be Yourself...simple and true

This

be yourself and if he doesnt like that tell him where to go!

condesa wrote:

psychedelic wrote:So I mean, need too switch back to the Chinese mode because I'm now in China?...What the hell?

The fact that you are asking this question my friend shows that in fact you are 'too chinese'

Very Chinese indeed. As in seemingly all aspects of life, very focused on the laowai/Chinese thing.
Some peope, you hit it off with, others you don't.

Maybe you really adjusted to the culture but forgot that western countries have big differences between themselves. You said your new guy was an ABC. America <> Germany. Totaly different culture. Unless you expect the differences, than suddeny they show similar roots. Germans are notorious for being direct which a lot of people take as impolite. So, just be yourself, that is difficult enough even without keeping track of the cultural specifics of your partners home country.

not open enough, which is not true, cuz I have an open mind just don't speak it that often.

Simply brilliant

Just be yourself. Do what you like, say what do you think, but try to be nice (sometime the truth sounds offensive or painful). Do not care too much of what others thinks about you. When you'll find someone able to appreciate what you really are, you'll reach the happiness.
Good Luck.