I've been hanging out with or dating a few Chinese girls. (I call it hanging out, but I think they call it dating.) The ambiguity of our encounters is only the tip of the iceberg. Whenever I mention something they agree. For example, if I say I like going to clubs and dancing, they say they like doing that too. But if I ask them where a good place to go is, or what local DJ do they like etc., I get a blank stare. Or if I say I like reading, they say they like reading too, but again, if I ask them what book they are currently reading, I get the blank stare. So sometimes I ask them what they like to do first and maybe no dancing or reading is mentioned, but when I tell them my habit of doing those things, suddenly they do/like them too.

I know they are trying to please me in their Chinese way, but I'm always left wondering: "Do I really have anything in common with this girl?"

From these experiences, I can see why Chinese women might be easy to take to bed. If I said: "I like f*cking.", probably they'd respond: "I like f*cking too." But that's not what I'm after. I want to get to know them and then we can do the other stuff. The last thing I want is some girl who seems to like everything I do until we are actually f*cking, and then she turns into a totally different person!

Do Chinese women know that some foreign men like their girlfriend to have their own opinions and life? I've been out with Chinese girls who just sit there, want to listen to me talk, and when I ask them a question, they turn red and just say: "You're so handsome!" Although that is good to hear every now and then, I'd rather hear their own thoughts.

So how can a foreigner get a honest answer about easy things like habits and hobbies?

The problem I've encountered is that most really don't have hobbies, lives, or ideas of their own. Depends on how old they are. Many are very akin to 15-year old girls with MySpace's, listing the most universal of activities as what they're all about: "movies," "hanging out with friends," "music," "travel."

And depending on how you get to know them, immediately disregard them if they spell like a 15-year old when telling you that they "rly lik 2 playing sportz."

You could stick it out and try to change them and see if there's something hidden once you peel the onion (and clothes), something worthwhile beneath the placating exterior layer. Perhaps other impatient guys wouldn't be able to find that out, and you will. But from my experience, don't bother.

IT's becoz you always pick up the wrong person.

I dont know how old u r but if i were u i wouldnt go after Chinese gals under 28 becoz the ugly truth is these young Chinese gals really have no idea of their lives. I was totally surprised when a 21-year-old gal told me the other day that her purpose is to marry a rich man who can spoil her for all her life. The point is she is NOT a gold digger, she is not that shallow, and she is actually a nice gal from a normal family. I couldnt help but wondering am I staying at home too long to catch up with the trends - being pretty and marrying a rich guy? what's wrong with our young gals?

Most young Chinese dont read that much, thats one of the reasons that ereaders dont come to China.

But sure, they are pretty and they know how to look adorable. Ultimately, this is where they've spent all their time on.

I'm 32, 6'2" 160 lbs, and damn good looking The girls I am hanging out with are usually 30 - 35. It's just too easy to get the young ones. The last girl I had a "relationship" with was a 21 year old Korean, and although it was fun I felt intelectually under stimulated.

I'm taking my time now and looking to avoid young princess airheads and manipulative "oh my god, I gotta get married" women 30+.

For me, personality is the most important part of attraction, but even when I find the right personality type, I can't get through the "agreeing with everything I say" stage. I don't know if they are just being "Chinese", ie. trying to please me by giving the answers they think I want to hear or are they just uninspired and boring??? Should I be direct and say somthing like "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me the truth!"????

They know how to look more adorable, with tons of makeups. They got too much bitch with their men to know anything about mature feminism and they assume it is a matter of course to manipulate their men for the entire life in order to secure their own position and status in front of their men.

Standards imposed on men by Shanghainese women? Jesus Christ, only Shanghainese guys or those mercenery provincial guys can meaure up to it.

As a lot of Shanghainese girls hit on me and smile at me, I just turn my back to them or place my eyes over them. No, I think it will be a prime regret for me to spend my time with Shanghainese women.

KalanStar wrote:
For me, personality is the most important part of attraction, but even when I find the right personality type, I can't get through the "agreeing with everything I say" stage. I don't know if they are just being "Chinese", ie. trying to please me by giving the answers they think I want to hear or are they just uninspired and boring??? Should I be direct and say somthing like "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me the truth!"????

probably they dont understand u, or the language barrier doesn't allow them to express themselves easily, so "yes" is the best answer. While i was in thailand last year, i told the front counter gal that I needed a dryer, and she smiled at me and said yes. my ex bf instantly told me i wouldnt get the dryer becoz she doesnt understand me. he said they all say yes if they dont understand. it turned out, he is right and i didnt get the dryer.

bloomark wrote: No, I think it will be a prime regret for me to spend my time with Shanghainese women.

He didnt specifically say Shanghainese women, and you shldnt either.

So.. I'm 23.. Is the consensus that I should just bang everything in sight until I'm older?



Please say yes....

Let me tell you a story about a young bull and an old bull sitting on top of a hill. The young bull says to the older "Lets run down there and **** one of them cows." The old bull says "Lets walk down there and **** them all."

Yeah, old guys do love **** fat chicks. True story.

i told one chinese girl that i like to ****, and she told me she does too. and she really does. so this one is being true to herself, and she is 27.

Men r such demanding creasure...and they even spend time talking **** like this justlike a bunch of chicks.

Because men are from Mars whereas women are from Venus.

Completely different patterns of thought and different understanding habits.

KalanStar wrote:I've been hanging out or dating a few Chinese girls. (I call it hanging out, but I think they call it dating.) The ambiguity of our encounters is only the tip of the iceberg. Whenever I mention something they agree. For example, if I say I like going to clubs and dancing, they say they like doing that too. But if I ask them where a good place to go is, or what local DJ do they like etc., I get a blank stare. Or if I say I like reading, they say they like reading too, but again, if I ask them what book they are currently reading, I get the blank stare. So sometimes I ask them what they like to do first and maybe no dancing or reading is mentioned, but when I tell them my habit of doing those things, suddenly they do/like them too.

I know they are trying to please me in their Chinese way, but I'm always left wondering: "Do I really have anything in common with this girl?"

From these experiences, I can see why Chinese women might be easy to take to bed. If I said: "I like f*cking.", probably they'd respond: "I like f*cking too." But that's not what I'm after. I want to get to know them and then we can do the other stuff. The last thing I want is some girl who seems to like everything I do until we are actually f*cking, and then she turns into a totally different person!

Do Chinese women know that some foreign men like their girlfriend to have their own opinions and life? I've been out with Chinese girls who just sit there, want to listen to me talk, and when I ask them a question, they turn red and just say: "You're so handsome!" Although that is good to hear every now and then, I'd rather her their own thoughts.

So how can a foreigner get a honest answer about easy things like habits and hobbies?

Mate,
this is a NON-democratic country (so thinking too much may be 'unhealthy', so you can't expect people here to be like back home in terms of personality - let's face it this people have been under somebody shoes for many generations ) and in many ways culturally speaking they are still in the 50's (at least in terms of women role in the society). I think if you date professional girls that have studied overseas it is more likely that they have a little bit more personality because they have seen the 'light', the other ones can be great 'geisha wives' (that so many expats like) but I wouldn't expect much more.
In addition if you are in your 30's and you are dating 18 year old girls, let's face it you don't have much in common with them, it is a 'generational' problem (meaning you are too f*cking old for them) on top of cultural differences

condesa wrote:Mate,
this is a NON-democratic country (so thinking too much may be 'unhealthy', so you can't expect people here to be like back home in terms of personality - let's face it this people have been under somebody shoes for many generations ) and in many ways culturally speaking they are still in the 50's (at least in terms of women role in the society). I think if you date professional girls that have studied overseas it is more likely that they have a little bit more personality because they have seen the 'light', the other ones can be great 'geisha wives' (that so many expats like) but I wouldn't expect much more.
In addition if you are in your 30's and you are dating 18 year old girls, let's face it you don't have much in common with them, it is a 'generational' problem (meaning you are too f*cking old for them) on top of cultural differences

What forum have you been reading cause I think you musta posted to the wrong one or ya didn't read my posts!

I don't think "democracy" in the western sense has much to do with how girls think here. Why would it? (BTW the gov. here has a higher approval rating than any western "democracy". 67% to be exact. "The Economist")

I wonder, have you ever been to Japan?? That's where geishas come from. And in my view, women in China are far more equal and self reliant than the Japanese. The first law of new China was for equality of the sexes after all.

And I'm not dating 18 year old girls. Whatever gave you that impression???

Perhaps you should stop smoking crack or sniffing glue or whatever it is that you do to create the unreality you inhabit.

Hitler had an approval rating of more than 90%, and we all know how that ended.

Marakanis wrote:. Just do what most guys do here and mold her into what you want.

it's called controlling. it's not good either.

I like to shopping also watching the tv. And I very like sleeping!!

Hee hee!!


Wish you happy every day!!

Eating is also my other hobby.

Are you like Chinese food?

Marakanis wrote:Kalan, the girls you're banging probably don't know how to express themselves properly, and if they did, you'd be disappointed by their taste. Want to know what music they like? Just look at the Chinese popchart and pick anything on the top 10. Want to know what they're reading? Just go to the magazine stand...

If you want someone with a personality, you're looking in the wrong place. Just do what most guys do here and mold her into what you want.

I'm not banging anyone. I'm trying to find the right one first. Thus, the OP. If I was banging every girl who's trying to get me these days, I'd have at least a dozen in the sack! And then a bunch of them would turn psycho and jealous..... I'd be living like jeffinflorida afraid to answer my door

I don't want to mold her into anything... I've had women try to do that to me and in the end, even though they claimed to love me, I had the feeling they didn't like me very much. Molding = manipulation, and that's ok if your intellectually under developed or full of yourself, but I passed though that stage in middle school.

I'm just trying to get to the heart of the woman. if anyone knows how to do that, please post

Hey buddy, you may very well be trying to put a western wrapper on an eastern candy.


Unwrapped they taste remarkably the same. Sounds like you need to keep digging into the bag until you find the right flavor.

KalanStar wrote:

Marakanis wrote:Kalan, the girls you're banging probably don't know how to express themselves properly, and if they did, you'd be disappointed by their taste. Want to know what music they like? Just look at the Chinese popchart and pick anything on the top 10. Want to know what they're reading? Just go to the magazine stand...

If you want someone with a personality, you're looking in the wrong place. Just do what most guys do here and mold her into what you want.

I'm not banging anyone. I'm trying to find the right one first. Thus, the OP. If I was banging every girl who's trying to get me these days, I'd have at least a dozen in the sack! And then a bunch of them would turn psycho and jealous..... I'd be living like jeffinflorida afraid to answer my door

I don't want to mold her into anything... I've had women try to do that to me and in the end, even though they claimed to love me, I had the feeling they didn't like me very much. Molding = manipulation, and that's ok if your intellectually under developed or full of yourself, but I passed though that stage in middle school.

I'm just trying to get to the heart of the woman. if anyone knows how to do that, please post

No dice, all I've got from this thread is that I should take a different girl home every night from Muse -.-

Best of luck though~ I tried and failed miserably for a couple months, so if you figure anything out make sure to bump the post (assuming no one gives any decent advice besides "you haven't found it" and "my english no so very good" )

why Chinese woman?

it will be a long time before the white-foreigner-rush gone by.

Part of the problem is that most Chinese women (and men) have never been taught to think and express their own opinions. The education system / family system has mostly TOLD them what to do and say.

Find a Chinese girl who has spent time being educated in another country. She will then be able to express her own opinions and you will also have more in common with her.

I find that children of divorce or other non-standard circumstances are far more interesting.

That's amazing, can't believe you keep on meeting those girls who do not have their own thinking. Maybe you are megnetic to them only. Not all the people are like that.

vickyyan wrote:That's amazing, can't believe you keep on meeting those girls who do not have their own thinking. Maybe you are megnetic to them only. Not all the people are like that.

I attract all women, not just one type... so it's taking a long time to cycle through them all trying to find the right one... I thought positing on asifriendfinder might narrow the search a bit, but averaging 9 interested contacts/email per day on there is just prolonging the struggle

Seriously, as far as who's attracted to me... it seems regardless of their level of experience, they all think I'm a playboy to which I respond "I wish I were a playboy! It'd make my life a helluvalot easier!"

In regards to molding, I find differences to be attractive. Having a girl who always agrees and always likes the same things I do gets boring!!!

you attract all women?? haha good one!! 你很难看！

KalanStar wrote:
Do Chinese women know that some foreign men like their girlfriend to have their own opinions and life? I've been out with Chinese girls who just sit there, want to listen to me talk, and when I ask them a question, they turn red and just say: "You're so handsome!" Although that is good to hear every now and then, I'd rather hear their own thoughts.

So how can a foreigner get a honest answer about easy things like habits and hobbies?

The similar things also often happened to me. I have hanged out and dated some laowai s. In the bar, they ask me what drink I want to order. Then they will tell the waiter they want to order what I want. When I am talking the interesting things happened in my company or something else, they just stare at me for long time and say "you have a beautiful eyes."or "you are pretty. i like you".... I feel a little uncomfortable coz this guy seems to have no interest in what i am talking, he is just thinking of ....


So KalanStar, do you still think only Chinese women have no their own oppinion?

renjie23 wrote:you attract all women?? haha good one!! 你很难看！

Yeah, I know it was a good one! and 您需要眼镜!