I've read quite a few accounts of people being pick pocketed and then posting what they would've done if they caught them in the act. All very heroic stuff I can assure you. Well last night, some Uighurs (surprise surprise ) tried to pickpocket me in Qibao, and guess what, I caught them.

I was leaving my office at about 8:30 last night. As I as preparing to go, my colleagues warned me to keep my bag in front of me because "there are Xinjiang people on the street". (Consider this foreshadowing / karma!) I assured them that not all Xinjiang people are thieves and resolutely said no one would try to steal from me!

About 5 minutes later as I walked down the street towards the metro, I felt a strange little tug on my bag. I turned around to look and no one was there, but the street was very crowded and so I figured someone just brushed up against me. I turned and started to walk. I felt the tug again. This time I turned around more quickly and caught a little Uighur girl about 13 years old right on my heels with a shocked expression on her face. There were 4 more Uighurs near us, 3 men and a woman. I looked down at my bag and saw that the zipper had been opened. The other 4 Uighurs were milling around pretending not to be associated, so I grabbed the thieving b*tch and threw her about 2 meters onto the pavement!

Just then, the others suddenly erupted in cries of Uighur language?? and I took a few steps towards the girl aiming to kick her in the face! The three men got in front of me and I pushed them calling them stupid Uighur scum etc. They pushed me back, grabbed the girl and started to walk away. Just then it occurred to me I'd finally caught some f*cking pickpockets and decided to teach them a lesson. I ran after them, showing my fists and yelling at them.

One mouthy little prick turned around to face me. I took a few more steps and got ready to punch him. Then the other 2 men also turned around and joined their thieving buddy. Now all three were coming my way. I started to walk backwards as two of them tried to flank me. The whole time I was calculating distances of the 3 to see who would be closest to me when 'go-time' came. As I was walking backwards, I saw the guy in the middle take something out of his pocket. At first I thought it was a knife, but I couldn't see a blade, ("switchblade" I thought, and then, "oh god, I hope not!")

So there I am on a busy Shanghai street with 3 dirty Uighurs getting ready to kick my ass! I waited a few moments, and while looking directly at the guy in the middle, I punched the biggest and closest guy on my left with my left hand and nearly at the same time, I punched the guy in the middle with my right! Just then the guy on my left hit me in the head with something hard, and the guy on the right hit me square in the face! Over the next few moments, I have no recollection of what happened, it’s all blacked out.

All I know is that a few moments later, I am about 10 meters from where I decked 2 of the guys and the centre and right hand side guy are running down the street. The guy who I hit first is on the side walk. So I run at him hoping to catch him and hopefully severely maim or kill him! He turns with and comes at me with a chunk of concrete. I stop and dodge right. He runs right past me and disappears after his accomplices!

I turn to give chase, but then remember my glasses (5000rmb Hugos with Nikon lenses, they survived!). A bunch of Chinese are pulling up on their bikes stopping on the sidewalk etc. and yelling at me to call the police. One Chinese guy yells to me that he found my glasses. I take them from him and start off in the direction of the Uighurs! I can't find them, and head back to my office and call the police. The police come, take my statement. Apologize on behalf of China (as do my colleagues), warn me not to trust Uighurs and say they hope China hasn't lost face with me because of this incident

Anyway, today, I got a sprained finger on my right-hand and a sprained thumb on my left. My left ear is purple and their is a huge bump behind it. My right kidney is sore as hell and theirs a bruise on my back, one behind my left knee, and one on my nose. They didn't steal a thing, but my netbook got its screen broken (800rmb to repair!).

Other than that I feel great. I beat up 3 stinking Uighur thieves! But be warned, they fight dirty. I'm thinking of getting a pair of brass knuckles just in case this happens again! Those five will think twice before they attempt to rob another foreigner!

jia you!

you're a hero Kalan! The pain must be countered by the fact you managed to lay a few on to them Theiving scumbags. Luckily I've never had anything stolen from me, but if they do, I'll remember your story. BTW they didn't steal anything? Good to see the locals helped you out in the fight.....!

You are a lucky man to be alive. Regardless thief or not, if you would have thrown my 13 year old kid 2 meters onto the pavement, you would not be posting for a while.
That was quite dangerous what you did there, I must say.

Uyghurs are Chinese too, never forget that.

Well done, Kalan! Maybe I'll attend a self-defence workshop.

KalanStar wrote:This time I turned around more quickly and caught a little Uighur girl about 13 years old right on my heels, so I grabbed the thieving b*tch and threw her about 2 meters onto the pavement!

You big macho man you!

Yeah, be careful. I inadvertently killed a guy once while doing something similar.

Bad ass! Not sure of their revenge mindset, you might want to change your route for a while.

I will now ask an ignorant and racist question. How bad is the thieving in Xinjiang itself?

Andreas wrote:You are a lucky man to be alive. Regardless thief or not, if you would have thrown my 13 year old kid 2 meters onto the pavement, you would not be posting for a while.
That was quite dangerous what you did there, I must say.

Presumably your 13 year old kid wouldn't be stealing from Kalan.

that was amazing!!! I aplause what you did, you tought them a lesson. Although it was really risky, I would have walked away after throwing the girl.

Andreas wrote:You are a lucky man to be alive. Regardless thief or not, if you would have thrown my 13 year old kid 2 meters onto the pavement, you would not be posting for a while.
That was quite dangerous what you did there, I must say.

I prefer to think of them as being lucky to be alive . Hopefully, Andreas, you aren't teaching your 13 year old daughter to pickpocket! Then you should have nothing to worry about.

Chingis wrote:Uyghurs are Chinese too, never forget that.

Try telling them that!^^


Yeah, it probably was quite dangerous, but hey, I live on the edge. Last time this sort of thing happened was on the Mexico City metro at about 10:30 at night! Now that was f*cking dangerous! (Just fought one guy who spit on me after I caught him trying to steal my glasses out of my coat pocket and at least 20minutes of me trying to ignore his ignorant comments about gringos! That time, the danger was not so much the little Mexican I ended up punching in the face, but the fact that he could have easily been carrying a gun and the fact that most of the people in my subway car were getting a kick out of his comments and laughing at me. I could've had the whole bloody train against me! My gf (Mexican)who was there at the time almost pissed herself from fear!) At least this time I could rest assured that the majority of people on the street were going to end up on my side of the battle if they got involved.

nice....

BTW: My collegues were really surprised when I explained to them what happened and they realised I threw the first 2 punches! So I guess that's a lesson you all can take away from my experience, always, always throw the first punch! Especially if it's 3 on 1 and they have weapons!

I'm still not sure what the guy in the middle took out of his pocket, perhaps a roll of jiao coins or a lighter????

I caught a little uighur girl with her hand inside my backpack 4 years ago. I was about 7 months pregnant and I turned and caught her hand. Her dad showed up and started yelling at her AND HIT HER telling her IN CHINESE (which is not the language they speak at home, I'm sure, so it was dfinitely just for my ears) that stealing is bad and how can she do such a thing. This was on Shanxi lu somwehere, not too many people around, so I just told them if I ever see her near me when I walk by I would call the police and walked away.

Great job, Kalan!!

Well done! we should buy this man a drink sometime for his heroic deed!

Andreas wrote:You are a lucky man to be alive. Regardless thief or not, if you would have thrown my 13 year old kid 2 meters onto the pavement, you would not be posting for a while.
That was quite dangerous what you did there, I must say.

Send your 13 year old kid to do a mans work? Expect your 13 year old kid to get paid a mans wage.

That story reminds me of a similar experience I had.

I was sitting at home on a sunday afternoon enjoying a brew when my doorbell rang. I opened the door to find a group of five girl scouts. They asked if I wanted to buy some cookies to which I politely declined. So then they said "just give us your watch then". So I said "**** off I ain't giving you ****".

The girls then formed some kind of pincer formation. Before I knew it a box of strawberry cookies is flying towards my face. I manage to Chuck Norris roundhouse kick it but I few crumbs escaped the annihilation and got stuck in my eyes. It was really hard to see so I starting flailing blindly in a windmill motion.

After coping a kick to the groin I transformed into a Hulk-like state and managed to level at least two of them simply by changing my swinging motion from vertical circles to horizontal (imagine Zangief from streetfighter), a third I kicked through a plate glass window but one of the remaining two maced me. The mace combined with the cookie crumbs to form a toxic ooze that ran down my nose and upon inhaling knocked me out cold.

I woke up in a pile of chocolate chips to find my watch, tv and stereo missing and a years subscription to girl scout cookies stapled to my chest.

Moral of the Story: Don't mess with girl scouts, seriously!

seriously you are lucky to be alive, i can recall many guys (locals or foreigners) playing hero ended up stabbed or stomp in the head by an angry thieves mob. i would not even tried in henan or guangzhou

I am disturbed by the 13 year old girl story. Loser.

prego2000 wrote:I will now ask an ignorant and racist question. How bad is the thieving in Xinjiang itself?

Bad, but there the Han Chinese are the thieves.

carlon78 wrote:

Andreas wrote:You are a lucky man to be alive. Regardless thief or not, if you would have thrown my 13 year old kid 2 meters onto the pavement, you would not be posting for a while.
That was quite dangerous what you did there, I must say.

Presumably your 13 year old kid wouldn't be stealing from Kalan.

No, that's right

Good for you. Although stabbing or other serious physical violence is a real possibility when you react like this (they won't hesitate to kill you), kudos to you for not taking it. I'm saddened about the girl--not for what you did to her, but that her parents would use her this way. You just know she will never have a chance to escape that life.

Cambronne wrote:I am disturbed by the 13 year old girl story. Loser.

^^Hey Cambronne! I guessed she was 13, she coulda been 16! Who gives a f*ck??? I suppose you don't mind when 13 year old girls rob you??? What if they pull out a knife and stab you in the face, would that be ok cause they're 13??? She coulda been a 70 year old granny, it wouldn't matter, steal from me and I'll f*cking beat you down! By Islamic law (Sharia), for they are Muslams after-all, that little bitch should have her hand cut off! She should feel lucky!!!!

I'm surprised no one is really talking about the how the girl (and the girl in freedelia' story), in at least my opinion, deserves little blame. These girls are obviously being forced into these situations by parents or "owners" who have no objection to hurting them for following her orders. How far would they go if she flat-out refused? These girls have probably been abused to the point where refusal is not even a choice anymore.

Not that I blame Kalan here (partially because I don't want my ass kicked), as he was within is right when someone is stealing from him. So nice job on the ass-kicking of the older bastards and the fun retell.

I've caught pickpockets at least three times. One time, I was quickly riding my bike across the street when I felt something and looked back to see a Xinjiang girl running with her hand in my back pocket. She suddenly stopped and also had a very odd or fake look of surprise on her face. After hearing this, I realize that look must also be part of the teaching that goes along with the act. I mean, if you're out pickpocketing as a way of life would you really be surprised when someone catches you? With the bike girl, I looked for any other obviously related adults around because I've heard there tend to be but I couldn't see any. The other two times I've just felt odd tugs and immediately looked back (after the bike girl I became sort of hyperaware) to find a few guys (once Xinjiang, once Han I think) who immediately looked away and I didn't have much to go on.

Oh, and last year someone followed me home late on a Friday night, waited for me to go to bed, and then came in through the stupidly unlocked door and stole my Macbook, beloved Canon, and roommate's laptop. I was in a drunken sleep and had no idea. So lock your damn doors - it's not as safe here as it often feels.

ajgreene wrote:I'm surprised no one is really talking about the how the girl...

Correction: when I started typing that long ass comment no one was talking about it.

Last time I found my cellphone stolen by a Uighur, I turned back to chase him. That thief hop on a bike and start fleeing, I ran after him and start shouting ,hope to cause some attentions then somebody will help me catch him.
But people just stood there and watch me, they don't even try to slow him down or call the cop.Some even laugh at me when I was running like a mad dog chasing the pickpocket.
Wish there are more brave ppl like you.

leidelaohu wrote:

nonghagang wrote:Last time I found my cellphone stolen by a Uighur, I turned back to chase him. That thief hop on a bike and start fleeing, I ran after him and start shouting ,hope to cause some attentions then somebody will help me catch him.
But people just stood there and watch me, they don't even try to slow him down or call the cop.Some even laugh at me when I was running like a mad dog chasing the pickpocket.

Exactly ! But what if you did catch him ? Anything would happen ? So the chasing is just for the fun of it, really ...

Well,I have my 34 inches baseball bat with me....
and yeah..I didn't caught him..

I'm impressed! A do love a have-a-go hero story. Well done!

And you're right, she probably weren't 13, one of my colleagues is 26 and could easily pass for 15!!! The Chinese age VERY well!!