I was supposed to teach my student, who did not show up twice because she was out with her friends. I told her it was unacceptable and that she should inform me if she is cancelling, not to wait for me to show up and it's a no-show. There was no remorse or any bad feeling about inconveniencing someone.

How the heck are these people supposed to become the centre of the world?

This will be good...

Why not just charge her for missing? What's the big deal...

And no, they do not know how to apologize for fix a wrong. It's just not in their genetic makeup.

Saving face means never having to say you are sorry.

I smell a rat with this Chaaz nobend.

It it helps, I feel sorry for her.

Anyway, the truth is this. Her parents paid for her to have English classes. She couldn't give a flying f*ck about them.

Send the parents a bill indicating their daughter didn't show up. You allocated time for their daughter and its not your problem if she'd rather skip the lessons...but your time is money.

BTW...if you've lived here long enough you should already know the Chinese don't like to apologize. Instead they ignore the problem and hope it would disappear. And Shanghainese always want to be right, even when they're wrong they insist they're right.

I heard some institutes don't pay the teacher anything for no shows and just pocket the fees.
That's why I hear teachers complain a lot about no shows.

Anyways teachers to rich students eyes are like the same class as the ayi cleaner or a waiter. Just a paid service. They feel its like a loss of face to apoligize to someone so low class. "Who do you think you are and why should i kow tow to you?!"

Chaaz wrote:I was supposed to teach my student, who did not show up twice because she was out with her friends. I told her it was unacceptable and that she should inform me if she is cancelling, not to wait for me to show up and it's a no-show. There was no remorse or any bad feeling about inconveniencing someone.

How the heck are these people supposed to become the centre of the world?

perhaps the student is not so impressed with the teaching at all.

you should find out the reason why the student find it more important to hang out with her friends then with you as teacher, if you can do that, then you know the solution.
On the other hand, why should she inform you? She is paying you, you are not paying her.You should contact your students and ask them if they are coming to attend the class, then and only then you will minimize this disasters.
Shortly, the problem is you and not your students.

TIC.
Did you set some clear and well understood ground rules? Did you clearly discuss boundaries and expectations on both sides, if not then you're learning a valuable lesson. Contact the young lady again and check if there are any problems or difficulties that perhaps you're not aware of. Perhaps her parents paid for the 'extra' tuition and she sees it as nothing more than a nicety and little more than that, or perhaps she doesn't feel she has the ability or level to which you're delivering your lessons and consequently she feels inadequate or overwhelmed.
It's likely however that "face" will save her from telling you honestly and directly if there's any issues that is creating a barrier. Don't expect an apology as face and cultural identity are huge contributing & compounding factors in that regard.
Set clear rules and expectations and if she's late then tell her you have other students and it's best for her (and you) that she finds another tutor.

When I taught English my school owner gave me all of 48 hours that I didn't have classes for the summer months. I politely confronted him the next day about why it was upsetting and inconvenient to have so little notice. He laughed nervously throughout, 'we thought we'd have students..' 'we wanted to wait and see if we could have classes.' ha ha ha ...blahblahblah

It took ten minutes of this before I could wrangle a 'sorry...' out of him (sandwiched between much casual laughter)

When I came back to work in the fall, he couldn't look me in the eye for 6 weeks.

Chaaz wrote:I was supposed to teach my student, who did not show up twice because she was out with her friends. I told her it was unacceptable and that she should inform me if she is cancelling, not to wait for me to show up and it's a no-show. There was no remorse or any bad feeling about inconveniencing someone.

How the heck are these people supposed to become the centre of the world?

Typical troublesome foreigner

She feels no remorse because, to her, you barely register on her 'things that are alive in my world' radar. Don't worry, once she needs you for something, she'll come running

I think the answer is simple, is not a about apologizing or not, is about right and wrong, who you are who am i,Education. How can i apologize if i havent done anything wrong (for me). i think (my own opinion) chinese people dont like to have strict plans, they just kind of follow the flow ( for example most of chinese at the work place. when in rome do what romans do ( if is bad in your personal opinion, dont do it, just get use to it). About the studen: as sinned69 said set clear rules and expectations from the beginning.

When I was doing private tutoring I required they pay a month in advance. Get the money first. If they miss, you've already gotten paid. Simple!

So solly, what?

beenaroundworld wrote:Huh?? Wake up man, they've always been at the center of the world, and always will be - resistance is futile So they don't need to apologize!

Yeah, but more like an arsehole is at the center of an arse.

Andreas wrote:

beenaroundworld wrote:Huh?? Wake up man, they've always been at the center of the world, and always will be - resistance is futile So they don't need to apologize!

Yeah, but more like an arsehole is at the center of an arse.

Explains the smell...

beenaroundworld wrote:

Chaaz wrote:How the heck are these people supposed to become the centre of the world?

Huh?? Wake up man, they've always been at the center of the world, and always will be - resistance is futile So they don't need to apologize!

Once at a restaurant, I saw no-smoking signs displayed, but the manager himself was smoking. I said to my chinese friend, "shouldn't this guy be setting an example for his staff and customers?" My friend's response was "yeah, but he is the manager, you see, he can do what he wants" Different mentality.

how often so you smell tabacco smoke waft down the Eastern China flights from the cockpit

Here, it's the educators job to RSVP the lesson with your Chinese students, unless you run Pizza Hut, it's the other way round..

In certain cases, they apologize to someone they think is their customer, or their guest... just expecting they will get something from or keep their face.
You don't even dear to dream they will apologize to you, being their teacher (so they are paying you)... and don't try to blame her, she will angry...

About the remorse, i have to say i have got to understand chinese. They complain about us, we do things wrong and later apologize and sometimes get a lot of remorse. They say, if you knew it was wrong, why have you done it? I guess our west-religious education bring us the chance to mistake, forgiveness and penitence... That has no place in China at all...

China is different! Welcome!

Pass the kool aid.

Seriously, it's common practice for service providers to require 24 hour notice on cancellations or it's paid. That's why you get paid up front by strangers, later by friends.

Don't even deal with the girl, deal with the mother. Call the mother next time she no-shows and very nicely offer to reschedule at her convenience.

Me, I don't take clients who view providers as indentured servants. Only professional partnerships. Yeah, I lose a lot of opportunities, but I don't even have to charge any PITA fees.

come on, use your sentence right, does this one incident stands for all chinese?

probably just another spoilt brat attitude, as you know one child policy

Yes, they do.
Because you never apologize when you are always correct.
Bill her for the missed classes.
Call it a day.

Well, apologizing is not a hard thing to do because it is a chance for us to make our wrong right. Pride is the reason why sometimes it's hard for us to do this. Don't ever think your pride anymore but you have to consider the feelings of other people around you.

To answer the question...
I do observe it. It is very difficult for most Chinese to say sorry or to apologize. They will find or say so many reasons and even blame you or the weather or the another person for the problem.
And when they do have to say it, they say it in an angry way or like a child... rarely in a serious way.
And expect them to do the same mistake again.
Anyway, of course, we have to look at why and consider the other things that may have caused the situation.
I am used to it now... but it does not mean I like it... Patience!

toonster wrote:probably just another spoilt brat attitude, as you know one child policy

Chinese youngsters are worlds apart from their parents and as rightly said by toonster, very often quite spoilt. Little Emperors and Empresses spoilt by six adults (mum, dad and two sets of grandparents) Their rule book and ours would have very little in common.

It is good to explain the RULES to ALL STUDENTS very, very clearly along with expectations and consequences. Many have not had this taught to them so are really rather clueless.

Adrienne

jzzzzzzz wrote:Anyway, the truth is this. Her parents paid for her to have English classes. She couldn't give a flying f*ck about them.

Words of wisdom Lloyd!