many of you on this forum have become "experts" in long term relationships and/or marriages that mix western and asian cultures. i'm an american in shanghai, and i'm particularly interested in your thoughts and experiences over the long term.

lets skip the stereotypes, and i'm well aware that everybody's different. but it's impossible to argue that there are general differences in culture and relationship roles and rituals. some of it i like, and some of it i don't.

most of my ABC friends in america feel strongly that the never-left chinese are experts at conniving westerners into long-term relationships for material aims. and a book entitled "the asian mystique" paints asian women specifically as superb actors, and western men as complete suckers. i disagree with this thinking based upon my short experiences in china, but i'd like to hear from more experienced men and women.

i'm particularly interested in hearing from any of you who are willing to share how you like your long term western-asian relationship. what works for you? what doesn't? what's changed (better or worse) as the relationship's gone on longer? how does your western-asian relationship compare with your previous western-western relationships? do you find that communication or sense of humor differences are an impediment to your growing together? etc etc.

feel free to respond in the forum, or if you would feel more comfortable, please send me a private message. and seriously, if you feel that you have some advice that can really "help a brother out" as they say, i'd love to speak with you on the telephone.

thank you in advance for your help.

p.s. for those of you who have nothing better to do with your time other than flame me for this post, have a good time.

im strongly under the impression nearly all OBCs have been told they shud not ever any under circumstances marry a mainland chinese girl.

takes 1 2 know 1 i guess.

Read a book called "Private Dancers"...

It should not have problems in terms of culture and communication. If you get to know an Asian woman and find her to have the personalities you are looking for just as you would look for the same in the women of your own culture and language.

However, the above relationship works if residing in China. If you are comtemplating to move to Western countries, the relationship could be put huge strain to the point the relationship could break down.

I have a couple of friends in Australia who were as you described Westerm-Asian relationship and their marriage brokedown. A wife, an Asian woman, was home to bring up children. She was stressed and depressed. If she had friends around her it could make a lot difference. However, due to the culture differece, it is very difficult to make friends, to mix with Western people. Another friend, the wife, an asian, had a degree from Australia but could not find a job, had no children, stayed home and lost confidence and so on. Both cases divorced.

I believe relationship works as well among different culture as among the same culture. The culture and language barriers should only be temporary. However, the relationship is not just about you two plus chidren. It should also take into consideration of social life.

I'm not in such a relationship, but do think that adding major cultural differences to a marriage increases the odds of failure. Marriage is hard enough when two people are from similar or identical cultures - add the pressure of cultural differences due to diverging communication styles, etc. and you have a recipe for disaster. Some couples overcome it all, particularly if the Caucasian half of the couple is enamoured with China and all things Chinese. Having said that, I do know a guy who meets that description (American with a Chinese wife) who recently "rediscovered" his Jewish faith and now insists on going to synagogue every week and has dropped pork and shellfish from his diet. The wife is very unhappy - I would be, too. I see the stress this is having on the marriage and hope they will survive.