Hi guys,

I have been in shanghai now for a while but may be moving to a different province soon.was wondering if any other expats have experiences of living in different provinces, zheijian,Hunan, etc.what were your experiences like and what challenges did you face? I can speak moderately decent mandarin and am aware of regional dialect issues etc.

Any feedback on this would be great.

Thanks

Mags.

I assume you have been to other provinces for visits and stuff?

You will get stared at a lot, generally from people with jaws dropping. People will point a lot. Typically it is dirtier than Shanghai, with less sense of personal hygiene.

I'm sure that on some levels it could be a rewarding experience, but go there with eyes wide open.
What would you do there?

Hi chineseexpatpudong,

My wife is Chinese and her family have a sizable business.would involve working with them.my wife speaks good English but her family don't.would involve handling international sales etc.I have been many times before and they don't actually stare at me that much.I think I would miss the interaction i have with people in shanghai.it can be quite boring there too although does have a gold course which I am a big fan of.when you love your family you gotta do what you gotta do I guess.

Have you lived in other provinces.

Thanks

Mags.

Hi

Haven't lived in the provinces though have spent a lot of holiday time in Shandong where my wife is from.

When I first moved to Shanghai I made sure to visit Zhejiang, Jiangsu, Anhui, Jiangxi etc., anywhere reachable from Shanghai.
The more times I went the more I thought it simply isn't worth the hassle it brings.

It's a bit different for you. Maybe living there you'll find your own way, and figure out places that are hassle-free, and also which places to avoid.

Depends where you are as well. some 2nd tier cities like Xian, Nanjing, Qingdao, Dalian etc. can be quite nice.

Hi,

Already know the two decent coffee shops in the town.ha ha.

The place has decent restaurants too.would be safe to say that there aren't many laowai in the town I am talking about.I have probably only seen five in my whole time I have been there.approximately two months in total.The pros aren't winning against the cons it would seem.

Magnetron wrote:
My wife is Chinese and her family have a sizable business.would involve working with them.

This sounds very claustrophobic. This doesn't sound like a job where you go home to your wife every evening after your day's work.
Be aware that once you are married, you are now a family member. There are no boundaries whatsoever in Chinese families, and family will interfere in every aspect of your life. Everything, down to even living together, rooting through your stuff, doing what the parents say as though you are a child etc. The family will have no understanding of your culture at all.
See the countless threads on this matter.

If you have only your wife to talk to, you might go crazy.

If I was you, I'd have my "exit strategy" thought out, what happens if after a few months you can't hack it anymore? How can you take your inlaws' lovely daughter away when you have a job in their hometown? Who will care for them?

I think the exit strategy would involve a very high bridge!

Thankfully my wife has several siblings and isn't part of one child household so this is less of an issue.totally agree with your sentiments,think it could potentially be an absolute nightmare!

It would be interesting to see if there is anyone on the forum with first hand experience.....

I spend most of my time now in a smaller town in Jiangsu province, over the river. It's a very different experience from living in Shanghai. It's crap in that you can't get a good pizza or curry and if you want a nice night out on the cocktails you need to head in to Shanghai. Beer is cheap - 10rmb for a bottle of the local brew or 15 for a Qingdao. Rent is dirt cheap - 3000rmb a month for a top floor duplex apartment with 3 bedrooms.

One advantage is that it's easier to meet people. If you see another foreigner in the street or supermarket it's normal to stop and have a chat. You can make better friends here if the people are normal. On the flip side, if they are an ass h o l e you can't really avoid them like you can in Shanghai.

Opportunities are better here if you are doing business. If you need to find someone important in a government department or a factory you can just ask around and get connected to the right person quickly. Drinking in the bars you also get to meet a lot of people who are doing business and can help and bounce ideas off. In Shanghai most people I know are company employee dullards who'll die knowing nothing but staring at a computer screen in an office.

I enjoy it but can understand why a lot of people wouldn't. Life just seems easier here.

I don't think the province makes any difference it depends which city you live in. So Jiangsu has Nanjing which is a very developed city, but it also has Jiepai which may not be as fun!

crivens200 wrote:I spend most of my time now in a smaller town in Jiangsu province, over the river.

Taicang?

Hmmm.I'm undecided.this place is not in Jiangsu however about three hours away from shanghai by car.very few foreigners there.

I'm undecided about what to do.it is a bit of a tricky one.

My head says don't do it and that I will hate it but my heart says give it a go.As per the previous poster I don't think I could leave if it diidnt suit me so kinda think thati shouldn't do it because if I dont start living there is no issue however there would be if it turned outi didn't like it and had to leave.

I like shanghai.i know a few people-not many though.

Hmmm decisions, decisions.

Depends on your current lifestyle. For example, do you eat lots of western food, Wagas, Element Fresh etc, spend time in the cocktail bars? Even lower tier cities will have KFC, but that's about all. You won't have any of that in the lower tier cities, but for some that's not important.

Don't eat loads of Western food and there is kfc there.this isn't an issue.

Think the biggest issue will be the twenty-four hour a day living with my wife's family.it could get a bit too much think.think the lack of interaction with foreigners and English speaking people will be a hard issue to deal with....

Yes, you won't have much time to yourself to do your own things. I would not do it personally. Sounds like a bad move.

Magnetron wrote:Think the biggest issue will be the twenty-four hour a day living with my wife's family.

F * * * that!

I find it's always helpful to quote Star Trek in situations like these:

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR VULCAN MIND!!!

I can't help you much but moving to wifes parents house is never a good idea. Can I ask ... is your wife insisting to move or is it just an option? Anyway, good luck man.

^ I concur with the above three posts, living with Chinese parents is not really a good idea. Unless of course you speak Chinese that Chinese can understand and don't mind the completely different lifestyle and wish to embrace it.



PS: If you plan help with international sales take care in how you are writing, its looking somewhat Chineselike.

Think the biggest issue will be the twenty-four hour a day living with my wife's family.it could get a bit too much ...

Dude that is when you made it to the final stage...In CN its called "Circle of Thrust" Be VERY sure that you will pay the price for belonging to that circle. [every refuge has its price... by the mighty Eagles] Make sure its worth it!

Actually, why would you have to live with her folks? If it's outside one of the main cities your rent is going to be dirt cheap so rent 2 apartments = dirt cheap x 2. Preferably on different sides of town.

There's absolutely no conceivable reason why one would ever want to live with Chinese oldies unless you are a completely mental case nut job looney.

Hi guys,

Wouldn't have to but they would be there at the house most of the time.the house is also very big so they would live there most of time as it is close for work purposes.

She's not insisting but really wants to do this whereas I am obviously not so keen.

Circle of thrust.I like it.ha ha.very apt is you ask me.....

I have lived shorter periods of time in 2nd tier city. Not small city by all means, but totally local (think Anhui, jiangxi). It is doable, if you work all days and spend the evening with your wife + children. I can not imagine how I could live with my wife's parents (no matter they Chinese or from Western country). Also working together with wife's family That sounds like 24/7 assignment.

In Shanghai you could do something meaningful, even if you all live under same roof. Out there in the boonies...

I've stayed for a while in a small town 6 hours out of Shanghai by fast rail. Population maybe 2,000, but it's 20 minutes drive from a city of maybe 15,000. There are hotels and a few western bar/restaurants in the city, and you don't get many stares. It's not too bad.

The small town is abysmal - dirty, disorganized, and you get the followed by kids shouting "hello laowai" in the streets. That wasn't a big annoyance for me, but the open sewer at the end of the main street full of human effluent certainly isn't pleasant, and you can't avoid it if you want to go to the main village from where I stayed. But the town has a new luxury village attached to it and a huge world-class hot spring resort, so you can get away from the squalor.

I've never lived with my Chinese in-laws, but they're hospitable and nice, though they don't speak English. However, they're native Shanghainese, and much more worldly than people from small towns.

Rickettyrabbit and abramis,

Thanks for your posts.doesnt sound idyllic from what you say.it's funny how there is always somewhere nice like a world class spa next to a complete dump this kinda echoes the place I'm talking about albeit a different tourist attraction.

It's been one of those days where I miss the uk.I miss those mean people who don't give a crap about anything.the only face I cared about growing up was that guy from the a team.

I pity the fool who moves to the provinces.........I can hear ba ringing in my ears.

Yeah, agree with the above. I wouldn't live with my wife's family back home, so why do it in China where family are at least 10 times more interfering.

You know the 长辈zhangbei culture don't you? Family can go to your house and do absolutely anything just because they are older than you. If it involves making an absolute mess of your apartment then so be it, it's rude to object.
For example, my wife's Mum doesn't like to throw anything away cos when she was young Chinese people were quite poor. So when she comes to stay she quickly clutters up the house with all sorts of rubbish, as well as food left for weeks until it is gone beyond inedible and stinks before it can finally be thrown out. When I suggest that we should consider keeping a cleaner house (what I consider my house, I pay the rent), I get the zhangbei thing thrown at me.
When I suggest that we're not poor now, we can afford to throw food out if uneaten after a few days, I get the Chinese culture thing thrown at me(though any time I ever eat in a restaurant with Chinese they like ovee-order and waste lots of food, maybe this is the new culture?). Conflict is inevitable, and puts my wife in a very awkward situation, torn between backing up her husband who comes from a different culture, and being an obedient daughter.

At the very least insist on seperate apartment for you and your wife, no keys for wife's family etc. though you will have a continuous battle trying to maintain that.

chineseexpatpudong wrote:You know the 长辈zhangbei culture don't you? Family can go to your house and do absolutely anything just because they are older than you. If it involves making an absolute mess of your apartment then so be it, it's rude to object.

Yes, my friend married a SH guy. After a long hard day at the office she goes home longing for some rest and an early night. She arrives to find the house full of her husband's parents and several of the parents' friends had taken over the small apartment unannounced. That as well as constantly telling them how they should arrange their apartment furniture.

Yes, that's another one.
Magnetron, if you like the way the furniture is arranged, nail it all to the ground or risk it being re-arranged!

I heard of one where even a Shanghai colleague of mine was annoyed. He came home and went to change out of his work clothes, he found his mother and a few of her friends in his room. They had found his laptop, turned it on and were going through all his photos. His Mum just says "Hi, can you change in the other room, we're busy using your computer right now"!
A real TIC moment!

Furniture doesn't worry me at all.wouldn't be bothered about that.

Using my computer and being in my bedroom,yup I would be mightily hacked off.your shanghai work colleague must be either

A. A man with the patience of an angel.
B. On the verge of a Michael Douglas falling down moment........

Yup, I think B.lol

chineseexpatpudong wrote:I assume you have been to other provinces for visits and stuff?

You will get stared at a lot, generally from people with jaws dropping. People will point a lot. Typically it is dirtier than Shanghai, with less sense of personal hygiene.

I'm sure that on some levels it could be a rewarding experience, but go there with eyes wide open.
What would you do there?

Well, I disagree with the personal hygiene part. Most chinese in shanghai aren't shanghainess anyway, so whatever nasty things people do elsewhere, they do it here in shanghai as well.

Besides, I've been to like Jiangsu, Zhejiang, and I got say surprisingly PEople are almost more civilised in a way. And yes I do get a lots of staring compare with here, but no Pointing.