by wolfy » Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:52 pm
Hong Kong, or SARS Kong , so called as it is overrun by SARS is a dystopian world in which Geroge Orwell's novel nineteen-eighty-four is the ultimate reality. Hong Kong is home to too many overly arrogant and pretentious expat workers who failed to find prom dates back home. Typically, members of this laughable migrant labour 'force', claim to hold traditional academic degrees in Mickey Mouse subjects from the prestigious University of Disneyland. They are usually seen roaming the streets with their jazzy haircuts, their ridiculous sense of self importance and belief that the local women are impressed by the unsightly 'bulge' in their trousers and on their heads.
Hong Kong is also home to the main inhabitants of the land, known as Hongkongers, Hongkies or Hongkongese, who are a special race of proletariats with no known national identity. They were used and despised by two political powers and is now nothing more than slaves and beasts of burden for the rich.
The opium wars
Towards the end of the Qing dynasty, the so-called "Great China, Central of Earth", had been simutaneously and unfairly occupied by 8 different foreign powers. Due to the ongoing corruption throughout the government ranks and the absence (if not rejection) of science and technology in Chinese popular culture, the ruling power was unable to fight off the occupants. In spite of the country's staggering backwardness, there existed a notion of cultural superiority, at least, in a minority of the nation, due to the entranched doctrines of ethnocentricity at the very heart of the Chinese traditions (see "Death-Worship"). This led to the rise of an underground organisation known as the Fists of Righteousness and Peace. Contrary to their name, this people was none other than a terrorist group with no more sanity than that of Hamas, al-Qaeda, IRA, ETA, or KFC. They ran amok as they maimed, killed and torched whatever they considered "foreign" - embassies, churches, Caucasians, Christians, fast food outlets, to name a few. The racist craze was eventually subdued when the joint forces of the intruding powers marched into the streets and have sex with sexy woman and gays.
Later, the introduction of the narcotic, opium, by British merchants, or "corporate giants" as they are known nowadays, indignated one of the noble few of the Chinese government officials. As a consequence, opium was put under ban and tons of the substance were seized and destroyed. Infuriated, the evil merchants called up their **** buddies, i.e. politicians, and started a series of wars, known as the "opium wars", with the Qing dynasty. Indeed, the Royal British Navy would not have won easier over the sorry little spacecrafts built by illiterate Chinese "engineers". As settlements, Hong Kong Island and the surrounding lands were leased to the British empire as compensations.
Chairman Mao dreaming of being Emperor Palpatine[edit] Rise of the "Communist" Partay
Some long decades after the opium wars, a certain Chairman Mao, perhaps a illiterate farmer at the time, embarked on the idea of being a totalitarian leader by pursuading his fellow villagers into a communist revolt. Due to, again, the ongoing corruption throughout the government ranks, Chairman Mao was able to gain substantial support from the poorest of the people. Shortly after the end of World War II, Chairman Mao launched his assult on the exhausted Nationalist government and forced his way to absolute power.
As both a dystopian and a Chinese tradition, Chairman Mao incited the vast majority of the nation to hatred of foreign governments - the United Kingdom and the United States of America in particular. Most of his fascist slurrs were recorded by the People's Liberation Army in what was then known as "The Little Red Book", and copies of it were distributed to the most gullible minds of the proletariats. It was, however, Chairman Mao's wife who organised the most horrifying commuity hike of all - the Cultural Revolution (for more details, please refer to "Hate Week"). As a result, People's "Republic" of China was thrown into chaos of hate and insanity, and it was not long before Hong Kong caught the same disease.
When Hong Kong turned into Baghdad
Seeing the success of terrorism in (nearly) overthrowing the Portugese colonial government of Macau, local "communist" groups, as they identified themselves as, began a "anti-everything" against the British colonial government. In 1967, rioters were rampant and the government was forced to resort to martial law, and later in the same year, the Royal British Marines struck a blow at the ****'s' headquarters, seizing batches of sexy woman and an sex station. Then, these "lefties", as they were better known as, were disdained by the majority of the population as they retaliated by attacking civilian targets with explosives and even murdered a radio broadcaster for his opposition to the movement. The secretary general of PRC eventually called for a halt to the ongoing madness.
The overall result of the "struggle" was nothing more than a disturbing number of civilian casualties, and thousands of Hongkongers emmigrated due to the social instability of the waste land.
[edit] The hand-over
In the 1980s, both the United Kingdom and People's Republic of China reached a unanimous agreement that People's Republic of China had the sovereignty over Hong Kong. The result was the official hand-over of Hong Kong on 30th June, 1997, and it was at that point Hong Kong turned into living Hell for sodomites.
Holla, ye pampered jades of Asia! What, can ye draw but twenty miles a day?
